Very bad day today

[Fireman Sam]

I have been separated from my wife for 8 weeks. I though we were just separated.

 

Now I hear she is telling our friends that we are getting divorced.

 

* * * ....shouldn't she be telling me this first!!!!!

 

Boy am I mad.

 

Should I confront her about this?????

[IMAbadman]

You haven't spoken in 8 weeks?

 

Yes, she should be talking to you first. Although I feel confronting her will cause more animosity between you two.

 

Are you two seeking counseling?

[Catdancer]

It sounds like you two have different agendas. If she wanted to get back together with you, I dont think it's likely she'd file for divorce.

 

I'd hire an attorney and prepare yourself.

[Fireman Sam]

We have been talking about once a week....but not about divorce.

 

Just about managing the finances, how everything is going at work....

I know we are separated....but I was hoping for reconsiliation.

 

I just want to call her at work and let her know I'm upset about this...but it will probably make it worse.

 

Should I contact an attorney just to cover my bases????

 

We will probably try to work through the asset division via a mediator....but should I contact an attornety first anyway???

 

I want to do something today....

[DN]

If I were you I would definetly consult an attorney and ask specifically if there is any benefit to you in filing for divorce before she does.

[Jeximo]

Heyyyy, whoa now. Don't get to ahead of yourself. There is no possible way for you to know until you ask her, anything from anyone else other than her is just hearsay.

 

Tell her you want 100% honesty and act as if no matter what decision she tells you, it won't affect you... It may affect you really, but at least you'll hear the truth and act on that rather then a sugarcoated answer she came up with in order to not hurt your feelings.

[IMAbadman]

Heyyyy, whoa now. Don't get to ahead of yourself. There is no possible way for you to know until you ask her, anything from anyone else other than her is just hearsay.

 

Tell her you want 100% honesty and act as if no matter what decision she tells you, it won't affect you... It may affect you really, but at least you'll hear the truth and act on that rather then a sugarcoated answer she came up with in order to not hurt your feelings.

 

I agree. Don't jump to conclusions. You two need to talk and you need to specifically ask her where she feels your futures lie.

[Fireman Sam]

I called her and told her that I want to have a face to face chat this evening when I finish work. We will meet at about 5pm.

 

I just want to get this out in the open and have an honest discussion. Since she telling our close friends that we are divorcing, I'm sure she will tell me that she wants a divorce.

 

Crap...we've been married for over 10 years....and she's not even telling me whats going on!!!

 

I have scheduled an appointment with an atorney for early next week. Should I tell her this???

[richmonder80]

Talk to her about what is going on first and try to understand or comprehend where she is at in state of mind. Dont tell her you are going to see a lawyer, this may make get her very defensive and make her do irrational things.

 

It seems to me that she has already made her mind up long ago that she wanted a divorce. I don't think you will change her mind. She will go through with what she wants, there isn't much you can do other than let her be and realize things on her own terms.

 

The more you beg to work it out the further she will try to get away from you. She has to want to work it out...she has to choose out of her free will.

 

Be strong and let her have her space. All that you can do now is how to divide the assets equally and equitably. remember, divorce attorneys get paid how long the process is not by how fast they resolve the problem. So only use attorneys in processing the legal process and not the negotiation. Negotiation should be between you two.

[DN]

I have scheduled an appointment with an atorney for early next week. Should I tell her this???

Only if she says she wants a divorce.

[Fireman Sam]

I'm stressing out so much at the moment.

I don't think I can meet and talk with her without breaking down.

 

I can hardly even type this out without crying.

[John Bendix]

Yes you can. You can handle anything that comes your way. The problem is that you are projecting what will happen in a future time. Fear of the future has been created and emotion is very powerful. That you cannot deal with because it is not here yet.

 

Try and not let your emotions control your actions and reactions. Let the (usually negative) thoughts that can create these emotions go right through your mind without hanging onto them. They will anyway so let them go.

 

Deal with the situation that arises as it is and not want you want it to be. By accepting whatever comes your way, you can deal with it. By standing fast that what is, is not what you want, your emotions will take over.

[Fireman Sam]

Ok...

 

I gave her a call and we have posponed our meeting until tomorrow morning.

 

We are going to spend some time together to talk about our current arrangements and some time just hanging out. I want her to let me know what she is planning on doing in the near future (not the medium or long term as nobody knows that).

 

I told her Im dissappointed that we are not communicating and that she never initiates any contact with me. It is always me e-mailing her or calling her. I only call her about once per week.

 

She denied that she told our friends that we are divorcing....just that I had scheduled getting an apprasial on the house so we know the current market value in case we need to sell it because of our situation. I believe her on this.

 

I can handle the seperation....but I cannot handle talk of divorce at this stage.

 

I talked to an atorney and he suggested that he could act in the context of a mediator if she is willing. I don't really want to involve an atorney since it seems it closes the door on any reconciliation. I truly love my wife very much....but if she wants to move on.....theres nothing I can do.

 

How the hell do people cope with this stuff. This is utterly awful.

[starlight40]

I really feel for you here, fireman. It must be awful for you but you WILL get through it, im a true believer in the fact that when faced with adversary people just do cope, they have to, dont underestimate your own strength, although it doesnt seem like it now youl find it and it will pull you through. Get those emotions out, cry when you need to, get angry when you need to, it all does help x

[Fireman Sam]

A huge part of my problem is that I am not ready to move on.....I don't want to move on.....I want my life back the way it was. I was really happy with the way everything was.

 

We had everything.....no kids, great jobs, great house, great cars, great financial situation, loads of overseas travel, great friends and we got along like best friends.

 

What else do you need from life???

 

* * * is the matter with her......she has to be deranged to want out from this.

[starlight40]

Whats her reasoning for it?

[Fireman Sam]

She said she wasn't happy and wanted a seperation.

 

Thats about as much an explanation as I got. A couple of other things thrown in...but none of it made any sense.

 

I've been totally turned upside down with this. Who would throw away a good situation without trying to work out what the problem is???

 

I'm sure she will have major regrets about this down the road....but the damage will have been done.

 

I've been so very hurt by this, that I might not ever be able to forgive her. How can people just walk out on their marrage without even letting their partner know there is a problem. We are not mind readers. If you don't tell us....we can't be expected to know that you are having a problem.