Why Am I So Nice? :(

[Good_Natured]

Don't get me wrong, being nice is great! Or at least...it used to be. A little insight on my problem. I'm a pretty nice guy, I cause my share of trouble, but ultimately I don't like to fight, I try to be polite, I smile, etc. But for some reason...hate just seems to come my way. And believe me, I really do nothing to instigate it. I'm left laying in bed at night, wondering why so many hate me. And here I observe jerks, getting everything; a girlfriend, a job, friends, respect, etc. I can't even "act" like that, I'm just kind natured by heart.

 

Back to the point. Usually I'm very optimistic. I read up and practice a lot of "self motivating practices", little things like telling myself that I'm handsome, etc. This is generally because I have bad self esteem. I go out, hoping that no one will so much as think I'm ugly. Might I add, I have a lot of pride. So if someone called me ugly, I would feel obligated to fight that person(as much as I detest it) but at the same time, feel hurt by their comment. Well...it happened. I was riding my bike peacefully, and some girl says "hey sexy". I don't bother to turn around because the tone of her voice seemed sarcastic. I then hear a male's voice say "eww, they're ugly". They're being me and my friend. I went up a block, and my friend was barking that we should kick his ass and all. Being the good person I am, told him that it's nothing. I told him that it isn't worth getting mad about and that people say unkind things all the time. But another side of me told me to go back...so I did. They went inside, and thereforee I didn't get to confront them. But the comment lingered in my mind, and I just felt so enraged at myself for not hurting the ignorant person who said that.

 

I'm sorry for making it so long, but I'm letting my pride get the best of me. I know a lot of you believe that I did the adult thing, but I just feel like a coward and not to mention, ugly. I need some advice. Thanks.

[perceval]

Hello Good Natured,

 

your story is one I can easily relate to; but let me tell you this: It's good to be a nice guy and you shouldn't change the way you feel and act around other people! Nonetheless, I have always felt (painfully felt!) that for a lot of women nice guys easily fall into the category of "friend material." Like I said: "friend material," not "boyfriend material." For me it will always be a mystery why mean fellows are surrounded by girls (although women should know exactly that they will hurt them sooner or later), while us nice guys end up leading a single life.

 

As far as looks are concerned: I wouldn't describe myself as Mr. Universe either, but I do believe that there are very few women shallow enough to only judge you by the way you look. Confidence is the key, in my opinion: If you can accept yourself for who you are and what you look like, you are more likely to attract women. For some reason, the media make us believe that good looks is the most important factor involved when it comes to dating, but that is bullsh*t.

 

So what is the gist here? Keep on trying and don't let anyone drag you down; and remember that aggressive behaviour towards other people will get you nowhere! If people provoke you, ignore them and do not show that you're offended; if you keep that in mind, you're worth more than the whole bunch of them put together.

 

 

best of luck; you're not alone.

[nutbrownhare]

I don't entirely like the tone of the following article, but it does explain why 'Nice Guys' often have problems in relationships, if you're interested removed[/i]

 

If you don't have a proper self-regard, it will be difficult to shrug off insults and attract people who are good for you.

 

Good luck in all this!

 

P.S. I've just tested the link and it doesn't work because of ENA's self-editing facility. If you substitute the asterisked bit with the female of the dog species, you should get through to it OK!

[ColdHands...]

Don't consider yourself a nice guy...cos when you do, you put more pressure on yourself to do the nice thing all the time.

Be nice to those who care about you and those you trust. But when someone pisses you off, you let them know you're pissed off. (there is a nice way to do that btw)