Confused by what he wants

[roseflowers88]

Ok here goes. A month and a half ago i met this guy at work. We spent some time together at work and he asked me if i wanted to hang out some time. I told him i would. Well i found out that he moved here from new york to get a fresh start. He has been in jail twice, and had trouble with drugs and drinking. I was able to look over all that, because i saw that he was seriously trying to make a change in his life. Well one night when i was at his place we kinda took it to the next level. I didnt hear anything from him for a couple days, and he actually stood me up on a date that he had set. I then got a text message saying that we should not be messing around like that, and just be friends and chill. I was upset, but was willing to try to remain friends. Well he called me up and asked me to go on a trip with him. I did so. He started wanting to cuddle and other things. Well because of what he did the first time i refused to let him do anything. The next night i went to his house and he tried to pursue something again. This time i told him i was confused by what he wanted, and didnt want to get hurt. He told me he could understand that. I then went on and told him i was confused because of the first time, and he told me that we shouldnt be messing around, but he has a high sex drive. This pissed me off, and i left. Well he saw me at work, and told me that he would like to talk to me. So he took me to his house, and things seemed to be going great, and then after dinner we went outside and he told me that he was giving his notice at work and moving back to NY. I was quite upset. His friends proceeded to tell me that he only wanted friendship with me, but the one likes me so i dont know how much of what they say is true. Well the guy that i have been seeing told me yesterday that he was going to stay a couple months so he could transfer through out company up to new york. I know i should probably just forget him, but ive fallen in love with him. I know we havent known each other awhile but we see each other on a daily basis, and it is killing me to think of him moving away. I just dont know what to do.

[Twistedwhispers]

i know u have feelings for the guy but he has messed with ur feelings by trying to sleep with u several time, regardless whether he has a sex drive its wrong that he thinks he can use like that. I can understand that ur upset that hes moving away but i think u should probably cut urself of from him for now at least then when he does move away u wont be even more hurt by allowing urself to fall for him even more.

u could ask him straight out that if he doesnt want you then to stop messing around with you, at least then u know where u stand with him and u can move on.

Take care.

[nutbrownhare]

This guy sounds seriously messed up in every area of his life. He might succeed in changing his situation and be a reliable partner, but it certainly doesn't look as though he's got there yet.

 

This is no reflection on you.

 

If you stay with this fella, he will continue to mess with your feelings for as long as he's a mess himself. You don't have any control over him, but you can decide whether you want to keep putting yourself through this on/off confusing stuff which will sap your self-esteem and really screw you up in the long term. You've only known him a month and a half and he's already hurting you!

 

It sounds as though you really need to be taking good care of yourself right now - be around people who make you feel good about yourself, do fun activities, whatever - then ask yourself if you really want to be messed around by a guy who's probably going to be leaving you soon in any case.

 

Good luck!

[lisa1126]

I second nutbrown and twisted. Please, you haven't known this guy for long...forget about him! sooner the better...

[BeStrongBeHappy]

It sounds like there is more to this story than he is telling you.

 

If he is single and available, then why shouldn't he 'mess around' if you both want to? My first thought is that perhaps he has a wife/girlfriend in NY he hasn't told you about. Or that he has some other issue he hasn't told you aboue (HIV positive perhaps... was he in jail for IV drug use?)

 

The other possibility is that he is in AA which encourages people to have no sexual relationships for the first year of their sobriety so they don't get into the drama that might make them drink again.

 

But regardless, he is obviously someone who doesn't want to be involved with you and plans to leave town shortly, and who has a lot of problems. That just isn't someone you should take seriously as a prospect.

 

Let it go, since he will be leaving shortly anyway. Best to go no contact, and move on.