May have rushed it....is there hope?

[Ahhh]

So I have recently become involved with a co-worker. I know, I know, never a good idea. We don't really work together on the same projects though and she's on a different floor so I don't constantly see her. Anyway, she is recently out of a long relationship which lasted 7 years (she's 26 btw) and has been single for like 3 or 4 months before we started hanging out. We have a lot of fun together and one thing lead to another, and we slept together....a few times. We've been at her place a lot cause she lives alone, and it's starting to feel like we're a couple. Thing is, we haven't even been on a real date yet. I've just been stopping by a few times a week, and staying over. I think she forgets how to actually date since she has been in a relationship for so long. It's partly my fault too because I'm letting it happen. When we hang out it feels great, but it's a little too comfortable, like we've been together forever. Personally, I'm ready for a relationship, but I'm sure she's not ready yet. The timing sucks cause we really like each other, we just moved too fast. So we talked about it (which was great cause communication is key) and decided to back it up a little, and go on dates, and not act like we've been together forever, and not have sex again until we establish a better base relationship. So my question is, when you start off a relationship backwards ( sex first, then trying to date) will it work? We both think it can.....but are we fooling ourselves?

[BeStrongBeHappy]

A relationship will work or not based on whether the two people are compatible and have similar goals/interests in life, not any particular magical order of events.

 

People are almost superstitious about how a relationship begins, when it is really more important how it works day to day, not some beginning event that will soon be long in the past.

 

So if it doesn't work, it's because you weren't compatible to begin with, and just leaped into a little recreational sex in the beginning.

 

So by all means just go forward and don't worry about how it started, but whether it seems to get better day by day, or worse.

[Scorpion Fury]

Maybe, maybe not. As I just mentioned in a previous post, my boyfriend and I started out hot and heavy. We have our ups and downs, but so far we have made it 11 months.

 

I think the bigger question is, is she GENUINELY over her previous relationship? & years is a long time, and from the ages of 19-26? That's a major part of her life. It's only been a few months since they split. Take it easy. Sit back and observe. She just might have a ton of baggage left over...

[ghost69]

yes it will. you both are willing to start further back which is what it takes.

[Ahhh]

I think the bigger question is, is she GENUINELY over her previous relationship? & years is a long time, and from the ages of 19-26? That's a major part of her life. It's only been a few months since they split. Take it easy. Sit back and observe. She just might have a ton of baggage left over...

 

From what she's said about him, I believe she's over it. It didn't sound like it ended well, she didn't offer up too much info, and I didn't press it. But definatly we're gonna slow down and take it day by day. We definatly click and we both wanna move forward.

[Jeximo]

Yep a few months if definitely to short of a time. I agree totally on the fact that she probably just forgets what it's like in the dating and flirtatious scene.

 

I had a situation similar to yours where the relationship started out to be hot n' heavy before we even started dating and unfortunately it only lasted 4 months before I found out it wasn't going to work... Not because I was bored of her sexually or anything, she was an extremely pretty girl, she just wasn't there intellectually for me.

 

So what I'm trying to say is that, yes, I think it could work out. But for maximum efficiency I would suggest cutting out any sexual relation with her, and just start at the beginning stages of dating. That way, it'll be more fun in general to be around her, and vice-versa.