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A Friend Of Mine...


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*names are not actual names of the people involved*

*the opinions and thoughts are based on a group of friends who have talked over this matter a couple nights ago*

 

we're seeking help...

 

My friend jessica has been in a relationship with this guy jeff for about 8-9 months now. They both seem to be happy, but it's a shame nobody else is happy for them.

 

Jessica has never been in a relationship before, she doesn't know what to expect... Since she has started dating Jeff, he gets very jelous and angry when she hangs out with other guys... Jess has started slipping in school (grades), she has been rude towards her own friends and there were a couple incidents where she turned down some really good friends.

 

This change of attitude towards people, is, to us... very unacceptable... We (her friends) are having a hard time dealing with her change of, well attitude. If we ask her to do something, she ALWAYS has to check with Jeff first, and ususally get him invited... She has ditched parties to spend a night with Jeff even though she knew about it like 2 months in advance...

 

Before she started dating Jeff, she was a sweet girl. Got high grades, was a great friend with everyone and was very cheery and peppy! She was a great person, but now when you see her... She looks depressed, sad, escpecially when Jeff isn't around and she doesn't have the ability to go out with any of her old friends and have a good time... Even if its just girls...

 

We (jess' friends) really want to intervene here and see this as an abusive relationship... Jeff has changed her life to what HE wants and that comlpletely unacceptable... We just don't know how to approach her about it... Because she has never been in a relationship, to her... a boyfriend have THIS MUCH controll over her must seem normal to her, and I'm really doubt it is....

 

Jess has a life and she isn't be allowed to live it... Has ANYONE been in a situation like this with a good friend? Can anyone give us any tips on how to approach this... It'd be greatly appreaciated...

 

We could let this relationship run its course, cuz i'm sure it will eventually end, but... We don't want to lose our friend...

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I have lost alot of good friends becouse of things like this. Well I would have to say you guy need to sit jess down and tell her what you guys think. That is the only thing you can do. Tell her that she has not been her self and things like that. I hope that this helps and I wish you guys the best of luck when you talk to her.

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We just don't want to make a bad situation worse but having her hate all of us for "trying to separate" her and her boyfriend. She's blind from what's going on and obviously hasn't seen this huge change, stupid Jeff has totally taken her away from all of us, all we want is our friend back.

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That might have to be a risk that you will have to take. Love blinds us all (even if it is not love but a big crush is just as bad) and some times we need to lose it all before we know what really had. If she gets mad for you guys careing for her then let her go and when this ends like it will she will come back to you guys.

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i agree with cid. if this is bothering you, which obviously it is, you need to talk to her. shes not going to realize how shes acting until you let her know how you feel. she probably thinks every thing is all ok. i mean, she doesnt have a reason not to think that, no one has told her if they are bothered by all of this. you were saying that this is her first relationship, so she probably doesn't realize that any thing is wrong with it. she probably thinks that its the way relationships are, like the guy is always the one in control. you need to let her know that her relationship is not healthy & you need to let her know how you all feel. maybe she will be upset that you guys are saying this to her, but it will open her eyes. when she realizes that she is not in a healthy relationship, she will need all of you to help her through it, so if she gets upset, just let her know that you are all still there for her. also, chances are, if they do break up & after you tell her how you all feel, she will realize that she hasn't been a good friend & she will want to change. being her friend, you should be able to talk to her about any thing & let her know how you are feeling.

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