I need advice please..my best friend has changed becasue of a bf..what do i do

[christina2006]

Hi, I'm having a problem with one of my best friends and I need some advice on what to do. It's kind of a long story but I will make it as short as possible.

 

The problem started when I came up with this idea for my bf and I and her and her bf to go on this trip to NYC because I was graduating college. I've known her for almost 9 years and this was her first bf that's she's had. I thought this would be a good way for my bf and hers to get to know each other more and also for all of us to hang out as a group. Now I wish I never even came up with that idea.

 

The thing is I didn't really know him either so I wanted to make a good first impression and also wanted to be accomodating. We planned to leave around a certain date and I asked him if we could leave one day earlier (he works and the rest of us only went to school) and he said no bc of work. So I said ok, but just a few days later she calls me to tell me that they were planning to stay an extra week after we left and they invited his parents to go to NYC the day we would be leaving. I'm not going to lie but that kind of bugged me because just a few days earlier he said he couldn't even take an extra day off, but then they go off planning this and all the sudden he can take a week off.

 

Ok..that's one thing, but then he starts to become a bit controlling and starts planning where we are going to stay and what we are going to do. Then they started coming up with their own itenary of what they were going to do by themselves and just meet us up for dinner. My idea of this whole trip was to do things as a group and also it was to celebrate my graduation and I just wanted some input as well.

 

Then she starts to change as we get more into this whole planning of the trip. She starts to become demanding wanting to know exactly when I'm going to buy plane tickets and wanting to have everything done because her bf needs to have it all done that weekend. It just seemed that she changed and her whole world started to just revolve on what his needs were.

 

Anyways, we argued over the phone over this trip, then she hung up on me and didn't call back, but texted me to call her, which I didn't. Then this war of e-mails started, but she would literally take 2-3 weeks to reply back. And each time she would say she would call but she's just been too "busy." She stated that my graduation wasn't really a big deal and that I was being selfish. She told me she didn't know if she could go to my graduation and in the end didn't go. So in the end my bf and I decided to to switch plans and go somewhere else and actually enjoy ourselves and yes celebrate my graduating from college. But I told her before I did it and that I would be leaving the country afterwards with the family. She never replied until I was actually out of the country saying again she was too busy to call before I left..and now it has been around 5 months since I've spoke to her.

 

Ahh..this turned out to long..sorry...anyways, I know this is her first bf and I guess I just thought more of her that wouldn't have changed so drastically. I included her when I was with my bf (we've now been together for 2 years)...but I'm just confused to why she's acting like this. I feel like I've lost her now and am not sure what to do. I didn't think that 9 years could go down the drain so fast and I can't believe she would throw away our friendship like that. Any advice on this would be MUCH APPRECIATED!!!

Thank you and again sorry for being so long!! thank you!

[greensleeves]

I think it's very sad when women completely wrap their lives around their boyfriend, or even their husbands. They put themselves in a position that when/if the relationship ends, the friends they dropped the minute a man came into their lives are no longer around and they have no support system and no one to turn to. They end up feeling completely alone. More importantly, they're missing out some very important friendships.

 

If there's one very important thing I've learned it's that men come and go, but my best girlfriends are forever. Maybe it's something she needs to learn.

[Imprecision]

If there's one very important thing I've learned it's that men come and go, but my best girlfriends are forever. Maybe it's something she needs to learn.

 

Well said. Same for guys.