MattW Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Some of you may or may not be familiar with my story, but for those of you that aren't, I'll give a little background in a moment. Now, I'm kind of getting ahead of myself with this topic, because it's pretty much about a rhetorical situation. But, to be honest, I'm just bored right now, and thought I'd make this topic for the hell of it. Background: Here's the thing; I recently got back in touch with an old classmate via MySpace. I don't want to get into the technicalities of my feelings, so to put it simply, I've been, like, hopelessly in love with this girl since I met her ('course, as a kid, I was too shy to let on; she eventually got a tiny hint, but didn't seem to mind me liking her). Problems, though? Well, for one, even though she lives in a city that's only about 15-20 minutes away, during the school year, she goes to a school that's about 1.5-2 hours away. Also, for about 7-8 months, she was in a relationship with a guy that she seemed to like a lot. A few weeks (maybe a month) ago, they apparently split up. Now, I'd REALLY like to try for a relationship with this girl. This really feels almost like a "second chance" for me, since I was so shy back when we were kids. But there seems to be a LOT in the way, here... For one, she returns to school in about 5-6 weeks... Additionally, I'm concerned about either being a "rebound", or getting the dreaded "I'm not ready for a new relationship just yet". What's worse is, I have almost zero dating/ relationship experience, so I have NO idea how to try and make this work. So, I make this post asking for tips or advice about how to properly maximize my chances of making this work right. I know this is all really complicated, but it's really important to me, and I'm almost clueless as to what to do, here... Oh, I should add, I've recently sent her a message casually talking about her and I getting together in person, so I'm waiting to see how she responds. It usually takes her a while to respond via MySpace, since I don't think she gets on it all that much. Link to comment
isilv3r Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 First step you want to take is conversation. If you just got her on your myspace and haven't had those long info discussions, you might want to do that first. You don't want to jump into anything so fast that it would scare her away. After you become comfortably friends again, that's the time to communicate what you are thinking. If she feels the same, she will recipricate and at this point she should be able to be honest enough with you. However, the fact that she's going away...you have to think about her meeting someone else, cuz a couple of weeks isn't much time to start a new relationship when she just got out of one. Although, if you just want to express your feelings so that it lifts the weight off your shoulders from all these years, go right ahead. But keep in mind, that rejection i think is more of a consequence and can hurt more if you just don't say nothing at all. Link to comment
MushroomGod Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Yea don't tell her that you liked her for a long time. Casually ask her out to do something you know she will like to do and turn on the charm. When you are with her be a gentleman ei: Do things that will subtlety show her that you consider her, open doors for her, if shes cold turn up the heat, that kinda stuff, but at the same time tease her, be playful, funny and smile alot. Thats easily the formula. Link to comment
MattW Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 Heh, yeah, I was never actually going to tell her I've liked her this much for so long. Just wanted to let you guys in on that, so you can see there's a bit more "history" here than if I had just met this girl recently, or something. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 just keep the conversation light, not deep. then randomly ask if she wants to meet up for coffee and catch up. then you can see her in person and really see if she is someone you'd like to date. she might be completely different now. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 i don't think she needs much more time. her relationship wasn't that long and she has been out of it for a month. she should be okay. ultimately, it's for you to find out. i wouldn't assume she needs more time. i would actually act like i didn't know she just got out of a relationship. Link to comment
drewciouS281 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 just be a casual friend for now. you want to give her time to move on completely from her ex otherwise you will just be a re bound. Your gonna have to take your time on this one but make sure you pop in and out of the picture from time to time so she still knows you exist. Link to comment
Lastlaugh637 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 My advice is to forget her. Too many complications, Judging by your writing you have a huge crush on her which is bad news. You'll start acting needy and be chasing her. Find someone else. Link to comment
MattW Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 i don't think she needs much more time. her relationship wasn't that long and she has been out of it for a month. she should be okay. ultimately, it's for you to find out. i wouldn't assume she needs more time. i would actually act like i didn't know she just got out of a relationship. Yeah, and to be fair, she's never actually mentioned her ex to me. I even recently sent her a casual little message asking how her summer's been going, and she basically responded that it's been going really great. I guess I can't read much into that, though, because we probably haven't hit that level where she's comfortable talking about her relationships with me just yet, but still; I'd think if she were REALLY broken up over what happened, she'd probably wouldn't have said her summer's been going "great". My advice is to forget her. Too many complications, Judging by your writing you have a huge crush on her which is bad news. You'll start acting needy and be chasing her. Find someone else. "Forget her"? Heh, easier said than done. Granted, like ghost said, I need to see her in person to be able to see if there's a real chemistry there, but I've kinda had this girl in the back of my mind for so long that I don't know that I can just "forget about her" and "move on". I dunno that I think it's fair to assume that I'll be "clingy" or "needy", either; I mean, I'm aware that could be a problem, but that's the thing -- I'm aware. I think I could keep myself in check, when it comes to that. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 just keep it fresh. don't push for detail. she will get turned off if you dig deep on her. just see if she wants to grab a bite to eat or get a coffee with you. nothing wrong with that. if she asks 'you mean like a date?' then you have to answer that if you want it to be a date. if you want it to be friendly you can answer something like 'if you want it to be. i just enjoy your presense' or 'i enjoy talking with you'...whatever. she can take that either way and it's not pushy. Link to comment
MattW Posted July 18, 2008 Author Share Posted July 18, 2008 just keep it fresh. don't push for detail. she will get turned off if you dig deep on her. Yeah, I'm definitely not going to pry about her ex (or any other past relationship). Since she never mentioned him to me personally in the first place, I'm gonna kinda do like you said, and just act as though I'm not even aware of her ex, or their breakup. if she asks 'you mean like a date?' then you have to answer that if you want it to be a date. if you want it to be friendly you can answer something like 'if you want it to be. i just enjoy your presense' or 'i enjoy talking with you'...whatever. she can take that either way and it's not pushy. Ah. If she asked that, there's also the more "ambiguous" route I could take with answering, heh. Sort of in a subtle "flirty" way. Link to comment
MattW Posted July 27, 2008 Author Share Posted July 27, 2008 so did you guys meet up? Oh, wow, heh, didn't even see this message before. Well, I sent her a message casually asking about getting together, catching up, etc., but she never responded, and it's been a little under two weeks now. There's some kinda weird circumstances with it that have me confused about the whole thing, but I'm guessing she's not gonna answer. Link to comment
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