Am I just being... too picky or something?

[kweezi]

I've been rotating in a lovely pattern of feelings for two weeks now that include sadness, anger, hopelessness, etc...

 

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2.5yrs now. I sometimes get the sensation from how he acts or things he says that he thinks of me as some sort of subordinate. It hurts sometimes, but I always manage to brush it off and decide that he must not have meant it in the way I interpreted. I finally sort of exploded about it two weeks ago when we were discussing something and he said "stop freaking out, I know more about this stuff than you do". Not a really big deal, but you know how it goes - the small things can set you off if it stews for long enough.

 

We fought about it, he managed to say to me as he was leaving "I don't think you're stupid or retarded, just that you're a little slow sometimes." I was shellshocked and ready to break up with him. The next day when we fought, he was freaking about why I was so upset over it, and finally we figured out that he meant slow as in SLOW... not stupid slow. Don't ask me how he thinks those two things go together. I'm not sure if he just made that up because he realized how bad it was or what.

 

Anyway, all this fighting has caused me a distinct lack of sleep and I've been thinking way too much. He's been bothering for a week to tell him what's wrong - even though I had told him the cole's notes version - so I wrote it out. I like to write these things out sometimes because it's a little easier for me to explain myself.

 

Here's what I gave to him:

 

He got the note... he said he loves me because of "who I am" and because he can be himself around me. He then said it sounded like I didn't like him anymore. He asked me why I was scared. I told him I was scared because I don't think I'm supposed to feel like this after how long we've been together. He said he didn't really feel he could change anything to help. He then tried cheering me up by being goofy and playful, but needless to say, I was not being easily cheered.

 

I don't know what to do. I still feel depressed or something. I do love him I think. He's going to be a very successful person in his life, he's got a high drive for success and he's on the right path. I just feel like if I've been with someone for 2.5 years I should feel more sure about the relationship than I do now. I wouldn't even consider marriage - not that it is in my agenda, but I do think that I should at least... feel... not negatively about it, or something. I'm so lost. I feel like I should just suck it up and smile, but then, I feel that I shouldn't.

 

 

[MushroomGod]

If you're not happy I don't see that point in holding on to the relationship. I would rather be with someone who works at walmart for the rest of their life and makes me happy than have a sugar mama that makes me feel inferior.

 

I guess what I'm saying is, I want a sugar mama that makes me happy

(Sorry bout that, but in all seriousness think about what I wrote at the top of my post)

[lady00]

You are right. Your boyfriend shouldn't be putting you down. Crying all the time over his insensitivity--you're right--not a sign of a healthy relationship. It's not cool that he doesn't even recognize it's a problem and doesn't think he can do anything differently. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like he really cares about this. It sounds like he's hearing what you're saying, but he's not actively listening. There's plenty he can do different to help this situation but he chooses not to. He is OK with making you feel badly about yourself.