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Problem I'm Having

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Hey I've been having a problem lately and I hope someone here can help me out. I'm not sure this is on the right board. This will be a bit long.


There's this girl that I met at school almost a year ago (I'm 21 she's 24) and he hit it off almost instantly. From the first time I met her I was interested in getting to know her better. She seemed to feel the same way because she would always go out of her way to talk to me, and we got along really well. As we got to know each other better, she told me that pretty much every relationship she's been in has been horrible (her last boyfriend abused her) and she didn't want to date anyone for a while because she was enjoying being unattached. Well at this point I had already started to think of her as a potential girlfriend, but I didn't tell her at risk of ruining our friendship.


At the end of the semester we're at school talking and she says that one of our mutual friends told her that I like her as more than a friend, and she asked if that was true. At first I avoided the question but did tell her the truth, and she did say that she feels the same way, but she doesn't feel like she's ready to be in a relationship again. I think "Maybe if she gets to know me better she could change her mind."


At this point we had talked about going on a two week road trip during the summer, but I'll get to that in a bit.


Once the spring semester started, we didn't have any classes together, but we met once a week to have lunch and hang out for a couple of hours before her afternoon class. And things went well, we still talked just as much even though we didn't have a class together.


In early February, we were having a conversation on Yahoo Messenger, and she asked if I thought her Digital Photo teacher would let her print her photos outside of class (I took the class the semester before and she thought I would know) and I told her that I didn't know and she would need to ask him. Then she said "No I asked for your opinion" and I said I don't wanna say yes or no because I don't wanna give you a wrong answer" and she got really mad. Then she calls me crying, calling me an * * * * * * * , and I told her she needed to get a hold of herself and not to fly off the handle so easily. And she said "Well if you're gonna ask me to work on some things you have to do the same," and I said fine. We talked for about 30 minutes and that was the end of the conversation.


During spring break (2 months later, it's early April at this point) I went to the town where she lives (we live about an hour away from each other) and we had lunch together. As we're eating she still says that she doesn't want to date anybody at the moment. At this point I felt like I needed to finally tell her my thoughts on the matter, so we talked about it for a while and she said that she would date me, but she wanted to take it slow, and I agreed because it would be best for her, and we didn't talk about it that much for a while.


Then the trip comes along. Here she became almost a completely different person. She called me selfish, inconsiderate, and immature, which were the things she told me to work on. The trip was fun don't get me wrong, but the constant arguing ruined it a bit. The last night when we were driving home she was screaming at me saying "I care about you and I really like you, but you have to stop being so selfish." When I dropped her off at her house I honestly thought that would be the last time we would ever talk.


Surprisingly a couple of days later she messaged me seeing how I was doing, and we started talking again. She even asked if I wanted to hang out soon, and I said yes. We met up yesterday and spent the whole day together and actually had a lot of fun. We didn't argue at all and when I took her home she said she had a good time and asked if we could do it again next week.


Here's where my problem comes in. I haven't told her this, but I'm a virgin, and not just that, I've never even kissed a girl before, and she has more experience than me and it's a little intimidating. I want to tell her but I'm afraid she'll look at me in a different way if she knows the truth. I really want to be with her, but at the same time I want to go on dates because at times it seems like my relationship with her is going nowhere. I've never experienced these things and I feel like I'm ready to. It's very confusing.

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Maybe U should do it w/ person whom U love & trust.


Yea she screwed up. People whom been screwed start to see everyone as they out to hurt them. She’s mean & that probably won’t change.


U seem like a nice guy, why would u use her just for sex, & add to her bad history?—then U have to live w/U’r decision, & It’s going to be part of U’r past history, & U’r opinion of U’r self may change. U might see her, & she may spread bad info about U.


Don’t get into that mess.

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I may have said almost nothing but negative things about her but she's actually one of the nicest people I know. She puts others before herself, but not to the point of being gullible. Like yesterday we bought a bunch of movies and she bought 5 or 6 for her mom and only 2 for herself. Her biggest problem is when she gets mad about certain things (she's not like this with everything) she gets way too worked up.


One thing I didn't mention was when she told me about her history I though "I'd love to be the guy that makes her happy."


I wouldn't be using her just for sex, I actually want to have a relationship with her. I want my first time to be special and I'd like to share that with her (yeah I know it sounds really corny), but I don't know if she would look at it that way.

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One one hand I want to be with her because I feel like we have a certain chemistry, and she's said she feels that toot, and when we're together we have a lot of fun. But on the other hand I wonder what it would be like to "play the field" (meet other girls) because she said that she wants to take it slow, and I respect that, but it's been 7 months since we told each other how we felt and it feels like we've made a little progress, but not very much. Maybe I'm just worrying too much or I'm too anxious.

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To me it seems that she has labeled every potential boyfriend to be someone who will hurt her physically and/or mentally at some point. Given this explanation, it's easy to see why she can be really judgmental at times. However; there seems to be a lack of information.. you say she calls you selfish, inconsiderate and immature, but don't explain why.. There must be some logical consistency, otherwise she wouldn't say that, unless she's a crazy *****, in which case you wouldn't still be interested in her.


I think you should bring up the fact that you are a virgin and inexperienced to her, it'll let her know where you are mentally when it comes to being with her-- It also shows innocence. I'm not saying just jump right out there and say, "Yah, by the way, I'm a virgin.". But for example, start off the conversation by talking about what she thinks could have been better in her past relationships. She'll tell you about it, and eventually it will lead her to ask you questions-- this is where you can start revealing the truth.

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Here are the reasons that she told me:


Selfish / Inconsiderate - When we were on our trip, she said that I would do inconsiderate things, like when I would wake up to take a shower I would make too much noise, mainly by slamming the bathroom door, which I do have a habit of slamming doors. And she says that I don't do enough stuff for her, like when we were on our trip she made sure we went to Star Wars weekend at Disney and she did that specifically for me, and I didn't do anything like that for her.


Immature - She basically said that I act like a child. For example, if I had a problem I wouldn't talk about it like an adult, I would get upset and "pout like a 5 year old."


In a nutshell that's pretty much what she meant. And I am making an honest effort to try and fix these things.

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