Sorting things out after a breakup

[walkingonwater]

Hey everyone, it's been a frikkin rough couple of weeks since my ex (of 4.5 years) broke up with me. We were both each other's first in everything. I'v had some good time to reflect on things, and I'v come to realize that she might have made the right choice for me, but emotionaly i am still struggling with it, constantly wanting to call her, talk to her and tell her about my day , dreaming about her...

 

Throughout alot of our relationship, it would feel like we are just friends (with benefits), although best friends. We were both young and inexperienced and I think if we did have experience we would have recognized this earlier. Anyways, by this point everything has gotten all messy. We share alot of the same friends (especialy her best female friend who is also my best friends girlfriend, as in we always did the 2 couple thing everywhere we went), she takes piano lessons from my mom, she has her insurance under my name...etc.

 

Now the question is, asuming i can get over her, how do we deal with the friends thing? I dont mind being her friend eventualy, but if she were to bring her new boyfriend out or something to hang out with us, it would, well, it wouldnt be possible. She has stated that she's not looking for a relationship but these things happen.

 

Anyways, I'v called 30 days NC, and I want to have this stuff figured out by then.

 

Thanks

[orangesoda]

Considering the length of the relationship, you're going to need a lot longer than a month to sort things out. Be prepared for a roller coaster of emotions - sadness, relief, anger, depression, etc. It can be a brutal experience.

 

I think you'll be prepared to be friends after you've both moved on. How long that takes, is entirely up to you two, individually. The point is you both *have* to give this entire process a lot of time and a lot of patience.

 

Be prepared to leave each other's life entirely for at least the near future. You both need to learn how to be happy again without the other by your side. I think at that point, you might entertain the idea of being friends. Sadly, the truth is a lot of ex's never reconnect - they move on, find new loves, and most importantly, find new lives - and there just isn't room for the past in it.

[nothanks]

I think being friends is an excellent goal. I have rarely been able to do it, but admire people who do. I hope I can manage this time around, but I can see it will take awhile. Probably a year or so. Dealing with even HEARING about a new love interest feels like it would be pretty tough now.

 

From what I've heard, people tend to take 6 months to a year off before resuming contact. I've asked a lot of different folks how long it took for them to manage being friends, and six months comes up quite often for some reason.

 

Even then, there will be those events or facts that cause pain. Even YEARS later, but pain is ok, when it;s manageable and transient and we don't get stuck in it. Right now, it can be overwhelming.

[firefox82]

I just takes time...nothing but time. I would never wish a break up upon anyone. I took me a long time to get over my ex.... best thing is a clean break...give some time apart. You will hit a point when you can be friends, i promise...but until then do your own thing...as hard as it may be.

[walkingonwater]

Thanks guys. I think i may not have worded things correctly. I was looking for some advice on how to handle hanging out with our common friends. I've told her that for now she doesnt have to worry because I plan on spending some time alone.. but sooner or later we might all decide to go out, and then we will have to purposely avoid each other and make sure the other isnt there? And sooner or later one of us might bring a date to one of these and it will be akward as hell.](*,)