Letting go of hope

[lollipop3]

I think the hardest thing for me is letting go of the hope. Letting go of the hope that he'll want me back, and letting go of the hope that he misses me and regrets breaking up with me. My family and friends all think he'll come back to me (cuz he did the last time and the time before) but letting go of this hope and the fact that I was rejected is the hardest thing for me. It's so hard to let go of this hope though

[Godwin]

Hope is everything to me.

 

Thats what makes a split different from a death. Hope that one day they MAY come back.

 

Having hope yet being able to move on is the most difficult thing, but the best thing I can do for myself.

 

My mum met her today, she said "she needs to talk to me", so just when all hope was extinguished I get a spark. I am not holding my breath though. She has said this before.

[John Bendix]

I agree with Binoo.

 

Hope deals with a projection into an imaginary future of how you wnat things to be. The image is one thing as long as you recognize it as an image. By wanting things to be other than they are, we can set up a series of unpleasant emotional reactions. Hope can a manifested image of non-acceptance.

 

By accepting how things are, without wanting them to be otherwise (hope), we are brought back to center. The center being the present moment and that is the onlytime where effective change can be made.

[HoTung]

Thats where i am - i don;t think i want to let go of hope but i know i have to.

 

I could have let him continually call me but then i would be in a spiral of false hope and i just had enough. NC is killing me but if he carried on talking to me there was no way i could move on. Did i do the right thing?

[lollipop3]

He broke up with me 4 months ago cuz he said he didn't want to marry me and loved me but not enough to ever marry me. After three weeks he came back and said he should have never had said that and that he loved me and missed me and wanted to be with me. We were together for another three months which were great. Then all of a sudden he said the same thing and broke it off again. Everyone is convinced that he'll be back, but you're right I have to let go of that hope

[HoTung]

everyone was convinced my ex would be back and i lived on that hope but 6 months now and they are wrong

[thejigsup]

I had a guy who I truly loved do this to me. We went back and forth for years, until he met someone whom he really loved. Then he was gone so fast it made my head spin. He cared for me, wanted me, and needed me to an extent, but HE DID NOT LOVE ME. I finally understood that and was able to move on. P.S., he never did come back.

[nothanks]

Wow, such rubber band people! That is what my recentX did, too, but not for years.

 

I recently told my mother to please stop saying, "What are you going to do when he comes back?" or "When tries to come back, you'd better just tell him no."

 

I have never even thought of saying to a grieving friend that the guy will come back. It seems really bizarre to me, but people have always said that to me, every relationship.

 

I find that when people say it, I get this jolt in my heart, like, "He's coming back!!!???" and then I have to remind myself that he's not, and the person is standing there still saying how I'll have to be strong, etc, while I've basically relived the loss in a split second.

 

I told my mother why i prefer she not say that, reminded her of the times she was wrong (well, I guess I don't know for sure. I mean it's been 11 years since my marriage ended and he never came back, but maybe he's waiting to make it a really big surprise!). And she STILL did it again a few days ago!

 

But, back to hope. I can't have it. I have to search and destroy it. As long as I have it, it makes me not give up or let go. Sometimes I think I've eradicated it, but there it is - sneaking up on me.

 

I used to try to let it live, thinking it was a comfort, but this time around I find that it leads to all sorts of not good destinations. It makes it harder to have NC, I find excuses to contact him. It makes me carry the sorrow around, because I'm waiting for him, even if not consciously.

 

Hope is no good for me. But sounds like some people need it!

[isilv3r]

Why would you want to wait around for someone that is going to bounce in and out of your life whenever he feels like it and you would have to go through this over and over???

 

Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Hope implies a certain amount of despair, wanting, wishing, suffering or perseverance, for example, believing that a better or positive outcome is possible even when there is some evidence to the "opposite".

[wtm78]

I think the hardest thing for me is letting go of the hope. Letting go of the hope that he'll want me back, and letting go of the hope that he misses me and regrets breaking up with me. My family and friends all think he'll come back to me (cuz he did the last time and the time before) but letting go of this hope and the fact that I was rejected is the hardest thing for me. It's so hard to let go of this hope though

 

hunny, it is not hope you are letting go off.. it is him you are setting free..

 

the best gift a person can give another is the choice of free will.. and after it all if he still choose to come back, it is the best rejoice you will ever get... set him free to seek his happiness, if it is you he is happy with, eventually he will return... in the mean time, set yourself free as well...

[nothanks]

Yeah, if there's a history of bouncing in and out, it's no good. I tried to imagine how it would feel if RecentX suddenly came back and was living here again. I instantly felt the anxiety again, wondering when the next time was going to be.

 

I can't tolerate that anxiety, OR the pain of having it happen again.

[nothanks]

Wow, such rubber band people! That is what my recentX did, too, but not for years.

 

I recently told my mother to please stop saying, "What are you going to do when he comes back?" or "When tries to come back, you'd better just tell him no."

 

I have never even thought of saying to a grieving friend that the guy will come back. It seems really bizarre to me, but people have always said that to me, every relationship.

 

I find that when people say it, I get this jolt in my heart, like, "He's coming back!!!???" and then I have to remind myself that he's not, and the person is standing there still saying how I'll have to be strong, etc, while I've basically relived the loss in a split second.

 

I told my mother why i prefer she not say that, reminded her of the times she was wrong (well, I guess I don't know for sure. I mean it's been 11 years since my marriage ended and he never came back, but maybe he's waiting to make it a really big surprise!). And she STILL did it again a few days ago!

 

But, back to hope. I can't have it. I have to search and destroy it. As long as I have it, it makes me not give up or let go. Sometimes I think I've eradicated it, but there it is - sneaking up on me.

 

I used to try to let it live, thinking it was a comfort, but this time around I find that it leads to all sorts of not good destinations. It makes it harder to have NC, I find excuses to contact him. It makes me carry the sorrow around, because I'm waiting for him, even if not consciously.

 

Hope is no good for me. But sounds like some people need it!