HoTung Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 We are officially broken up for 6 months this coming sat and it will be 6.5 weeks of NC yet I still think about him everyday. I feel like i amd driving myself and my friends mad by talking about him - They must be sick and tired of me but i can't seem to be think of anything else. Everyone says u have to love urself first before anyone can love you....i think that has been my problem - i dont; think i really love myself. I have so many problems at home - pressure etc and i did used to take it out on my bf, i wanted him to support me but i guess he found me a burden as i would get stroppy. But thats cos he was my closest and dearest. I still miss my conversations with him and having him in my life. I don;t know whether he is dating now and i guess i am too scared to find out. He isn't mine anymore but it would kill me to hear he is with someone else. I know there is no point in contacting him but i do still care. He really was important to me. I used to think he might come back or rather hope - now i must say he isn;t and its over but its hard. I think a piece of me doens't want to let go but i know i should. when i don't think about him i actually scare myself and wonder why i don;t think about him. Surely he has moved on and I am no longer important to him. i live in hope that one day i will find "the one" but i am beginning to think not. I would be scared to go into another relationship and get myself hurt again, Link to comment
Godwin Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Ho Tung, You need to move on. 6 months is a long time and yet you are still obsessing over him. I thought I was bad talking about her 9 weeks down the line and we went out for 7 years. Trust me, it will get better but you need to start to look to the future, only you can get through this. Ps, My mum met her ealier today and once again she said she was going to "talk to me". I am not holding my breath though. She has said that before. Link to comment
HoTung Posted July 16, 2008 Author Share Posted July 16, 2008 Yeah i know Godwin. Its horrible. I obssessed about my ex (the one before this one) for a good 7 years and i only went with him for a year. This one i went out with for 14 months. 9 weeks is not long at all. You are already thinking about dating and i can;t even look at another guy. It nearly killed me when he snogged another girl 2.5 months after we broke up. He had the cheek to say to me when we brokeup that it was too soon for me to date. How bad is that? When i found out about his snog, he said to me i bet u snogged loads of guys for revenge? he really doesn;t know me Link to comment
Godwin Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 I know its difficult. You WILL get through it. I actually had the chance to sleep with a girl at the weekend and to be honest I felt like I would be cheating on myself. I simply cant be physical with someone at the moment, a date maybe but I doubt I could do sex. Why dont you try and see if you can find someone to date? Not to kiss or get physical with, but maybe just to take your mind off your ex? I think that would help me. Just some company and flirting with the opposite sex. Link to comment
HoTung Posted July 16, 2008 Author Share Posted July 16, 2008 Yeah i know what you mean - its weird how we feel as though we are cheating yet we were the ones that were dumped. I have that feeling too. I went to a wedding in June and got some attention from a younger guy. He was so lovely but he is only 26 and lives in another country. I really scared to go out with someone younger now. To be honest, I don;t want to waste time, i want to find "the one" so i can settle down. Link to comment
Godwin Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 I kinda feel that way. I am 30 now and think that dating someone at 24 or 25 will just be wasting time. For some reason I am desperate to just meet someone and just settle down. I think its fear of getting hurt again. Anyways, off to bed now, have got that speed dating tomorrow so will let you know how I get on!!! Take care and keep positive. Link to comment
Clabs Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Hey Ho Tung You are still hurting so bad about this ex because you are obsessing over him just like you did your previous ex. Crikey - can you imagine wasting another 7 years? That'd be 14 wasted years of your life. What makes these people so special that they are worth throwing so much of your life away and making yourself utterly miserable? To my mind we only pass through this life once and it is truly special and precious. I look to waste as little as possible. Sure - it is natural to grieve over a relationship but in doing so you make some headway in a positive fashion. If you keep getting stuck and in view of the 7 years you pi$$ed away on the last guy, I really would go back to your GP and get some serious help with this. I do mean to be harsh - this has gone on far too long, hasn't it? Are you going to go and do something about it or just carry on asking the same thing over and over? What are you going to change to makes things easier on yourself? You know I only want to help. Mark Link to comment
HoTung Posted July 16, 2008 Author Share Posted July 16, 2008 I know but I don;t think the GP can help me. I am not feeling suicidial just my mind working in overdrive thinking about him loads Link to comment
Clabs Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Yeah - but darling - you are always thinking about him. You don't need to be feeling suicidal to go and see your GP. They can prescribe you anti depressants that can help ease your thoughts and calm you down. Doesn't mean that you will be on them forever. I know of a few people on here who have gotten "stuck" where you are and it has really kick started their healing. I just think you ought to consider it. You don't need to be in a relationship to be happy in your life - lots of people are single. Doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with them - it just means that they prefer to be alone or haven't met the right person yet. What do you reckon? Mark Link to comment
HoTung Posted July 16, 2008 Author Share Posted July 16, 2008 I am not scared of being single not one bit. But i guess i miss what we had - regrets and all that Link to comment
Clabs Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 I know hun - but you seem so very stuck. What can we do to help you help you, do you think? Mark Link to comment
HoTung Posted July 16, 2008 Author Share Posted July 16, 2008 i can only help myself that i do know but i am a very emotional person and i fell in love with him. Link to comment
HoTung Posted July 16, 2008 Author Share Posted July 16, 2008 i am lot better than i was. Before i would have picked up the phone to call him but its been 6 weeks and i havent Link to comment
Clabs Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Ho Tung What was the pattern with the breakup with your ex that took 7 years to get over, do you mind me asking. What dragged it out for 7 years? Mark Link to comment
fasteddy88 Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 My biggest piece of advice to you would be to stop talking about him to your friends. I am still hurting over a breakup that occurred two years ago. I know, pathetic, but the thing that helped me make any progress at all was not talking about her out loud. There were so many times where my friends would be talking about something, and I would have a great story about my ex-girlfriend in a likewise situation or something, but I would keep my mouth shut. For instance, I used to always brag about her having her motorcycle license. So every time the conversation happens upon motorcycles, I want to talk about her, but I stop myself. Its just a long, slow road. For the record, its the things you DON'T do that you end up regretting the most. Link to comment
HoTung Posted July 16, 2008 Author Share Posted July 16, 2008 it was just me - i felt so guilty because i treated him very badly and i blame myself for the breakup although he broke up with me. I have an extremely firey temper and i blew it out of proportion. He was everything i wanted in a boyfriend, tall, sporty, good looking but i felt he culd have been more attentive. I realised i was overbearing and i only have myself to blame for the demise of that relationship. I thought he was THE ONE. I really did. So when we broke up my whole world fell apart. he never once contacted me since we broke up. I was the one calling him. I regret that relationship so muchl. He was the love of my life. With this ex, i tried a lot harder i was still very tempermental but not half as much as with the last ex. When i say 7 years i don;t mean i was sitting at home and waiting but i still thought about him a lot. with this ex, i think we are at different stages in our lifes - i want to setlle down but he never had that in mind and so when he didn;t do things i would get frustrated. Link to comment
HoTung Posted July 16, 2008 Author Share Posted July 16, 2008 what do you mean don;t do? u mean calling? or begging? Link to comment
Clabs Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Your ex (this one) obviously wasn't perfect, but then if you were tempermental then you do need to look at why you behave this way in relationships. Sometimes people are just not compatible and this is the net result - you each bring out the bad behaviour in the other. But at the end of the day it finished - so the sooner you can look at your own faults and accept and work on any issues you might have - the sooner you will open yourself up to fresh and exciting new relationships. Mark Link to comment
bambina maxima Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Hey Hotung. Let's forget the ex for a moment and talk about you. What are your interests? Do you have hobbies? What do you think defines you as a person? What do you really enjoy doing with your time? Would you say you have any "passions" (i mean like photography or music or movies, not a feeling for a person) ? I think what's happened here is you have been living your life not really knowing or embracing who you are. You might be scared to, and that's normal. But what happens is that when you are in a relationship, the relationship becomes WHO YOU ARE, and when the relationship fails, you are lost and empty. I think what you need to do is find something you are interested in -- anything other than other preson -- and nurter that interest till it becomes a passion, and starts to define WHO YOU ARE, whether or not you are with someone else. It takes a lot of time and dedication to nurture a passion. And I believe you have something that you can turn into a passion. But you need to do this for yourself, make something that is YOUR THING, that defines YOU exclusively, whether or not someone else is significantly a part of your life. A lot of people suggest taking up hobbies and keeping yourself busy, and I think that's good advice to some degree, but ultimately that kind of attitude is more like a "distract yourself from the pain until you get over it." What YOU need is to develop yourself as an individual, and I think it would really help if you really went after one thing and put some real honest sweat and tears into it. Do you have anything like that already? Could you find something like that to focus your attention onto? Link to comment
HoTung Posted July 19, 2008 Author Share Posted July 19, 2008 Hi, I have been going out loads since we broke up. busy every weekend but yes i don;t really have an aim or target. work hasn;t been great either. But everything cost money and money is tight at the moment Link to comment
jenna981 Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 We are officially broken up for 6 months this coming sat and it will be 6.5 weeks of NC yet I still think about him everyday. It's been 6 months, but really 6.5 weeks of N/C. That's the kicker, you need NC to move on. I know, because every time I get back in touch with my ex the wound just starts fresh. I know it's hard of NC when they are really someone in your life that you had for support and to talk to. I try to focus on exercising most days and it does help to get your mind on yourself and off of the ex, just an idea. Try to be good to yourself and really stick to the NC. Link to comment
HoTung Posted July 21, 2008 Author Share Posted July 21, 2008 How long does it take to stop thinking about them? how comes its so easy for guys to get over exs in the majority of cases? (i know some blokes are different) but thats how i feel that guys get over break ups easier Link to comment
maka56 Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 How long does it take to stop thinking about them? how comes its so easy for guys to get over exs in the majority of cases? (i know some blokes are different) but thats how i feel that guys get over break ups easier I personally think both men and women are the same, im male and not over my ex at 3 months. I don't know how long it takes sorry, but we will get there. Link to comment
HoTung Posted July 21, 2008 Author Share Posted July 21, 2008 did u break up with her or the other way round? would you go out and meet girls to forget about her? Link to comment
wtm78 Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 I am not scared of being single not one bit. But i guess i miss what we had - regrets and all that regrets and missing someone is natural.. hurting is inevitiable... but i assure you that all those emotions will pass really soon... it is hard to lose someone... it hurts.. no doubt... eventually you need to let time heal all wounds... Link to comment
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