Does anybody else have friends that just call TOO much???

[Iwantittoend]

I've had this guy friend for about 3 years now. We were never really that close up until this year. We started hanging out a lot more around March and I'd consider him one of my better friends now.

 

The only problem is that he calls countless times a day. He never skips a beat. I work 8 until whenever in construction, and I'll come home and see that he called 5 times looking for me. Then he'll try to get me to hang out EVERY NIGHT. It kind of gets on my nerves because I'm so tired after coming home. Sometimes I just don't want to talk, but he keeps on talking and calling. Then he doesn't take no for an answer in not hanging out. He even gets pissed when I want to hang out with my girlfriend!! Ugh....

 

Anyone else have someone like this? Or have any advice on what to do with an overbearing friend?

[Weeblie]

Just stop answering his calls. Only answer when you're in the mood to talk to him. Friendships aren't like marriages, you're free to leave them if you want.

[kaoticbaby]

i had a friend like this, and i had to just tell her bluntly that i didn't really like talking on the phone so much. i always hated the phone though, with anybody, so i think she understood. at any rate she stopped calling me as much.

 

as for getting pissed off if you hang out with your girlfriend, that's a little overboard. could you maybe introduce him to other people so that he has more friends to hang out with? i know you don't want to hurt his feelings, but this guy is going over the top and something NEEDS to be said at the very least.

[ColdHands...]

Ahh one of those...just dont know how to respect other people's boundaries. When friends do this, I let them know by simply not picking up their phone calls and being subtle about it. If that doesnt work, I try and make it obvious by saying how easily tired I get of someone if they're in my face all the time.

Just let him know, but try and be nice about it so he doesnt take it personally. I've had to do this with a couple of my friends and now theyre totally cool. They'll get the message eventually.

[Iwantittoend]

Friendships aren't like marriages, you're free to leave them if you want.

 

So true, and that's what it feels like. A serious relationship. I don't need nor want to talk to friends EVERYDAY, that's reserved for my girlfriend.

 

as for getting pissed off if you hang out with your girlfriend, that's a little overboard. could you maybe introduce him to other people so that he has more friends to hang out with? i know you don't want to hurt his feelings, but this guy is going over the top and something NEEDS to be said at the very least.

 

I've actually tried to get him to hang out with others more, but he either stops hanging with them and comes back to me, or doesn't like them all together. He's just one of those people that you either get along with or don't.

 

I think the problem is I'm too nice to him. I usually am always there to answer his calls and hang with him. He calls me his best friend, but sometimes it feels like a chore being with him.

[Anotherday]

Is this the same guy as before? The one with the drinking problem?

 

The answer is simple. Set some boundaries and don't take the calls. Say no, even if you are not comfortable. You cannot change what he does, but you CAN change what you do.

[Iwantittoend]

Is this the same guy as before? The one with the drinking problem?

 

The answer is simple. Set some boundaries and don't take the calls. Say no, even if you are not comfortable. You cannot change what he does, but you CAN change what you do.

 

Yes, it's the same guy.

 

Like I said, the problem with me is that I'm too nice sometimes. I will go out of my way to help others and sometimes forget that I also have needs that have to be met. I need to start being more stern with this guy. Friendships are great, but I need to come first...I need to reach that point.

[kaoticbaby]

i really wish i could see what was going through people's minds that act like this. i can never imagine becoming this clingy to a FRIEND. sure, i love them, but if i hear from them even once a day everyday it seems like too much.

[Scorpion Fury]

Maybe this guy has a thing for you? Just a thought.

 

He sounds very immature. When we're kids and teens, we hang out with our friends 24-7. When most of us become adults, and have different lives a responsibilities, kids, spouse, etc., the visits typically become less frequent. While you're still good friends and all...an adult understands that sometimes you just got s*** to do. It's not like it's middle school summer vacation and we have nothing to do but spend every waking moment with our friends.

 

What normal, healthy couple spends all their evenings with their friends, anyway? He has some issues if he's getting mad at you for wanting to have alone time with your girlfriend.

 

Stage 5 clinger...

[Anotherday]

Yes, it's the same guy.

 

Like I said, the problem with me is that I'm too nice sometimes. I will go out of my way to help others and sometimes forget that I also have needs that have to be met. I need to start being more stern with this guy. Friendships are great, but I need to come first...I need to reach that point.

 

Yes, you are probably too nice. This guy sounds like a parasite. Maybe the reason he is in your life is to teach you how to set some boundaries. I am going to recommend CODA, even though I don't like 12 step stuff. If you find the right group you can see how you put others' needs before your own, plus you will have others there who do the same thing and are learning how to change. The web site is link removed.

 

I have a similar situation going on. I feel much better when I detach from this one person and just got into an argument the other night that resulted in my feeling like a swine rolling around in the mud. It felt so horrible and like it's not who I am. She just sent me an email today acting like nothing happened. Part of me wants to respond, but the bigger part of me doesn't, so I am not going to - at least for today. I hate the feeling of ugliness and that is how I feel.

 

Not saying you do...but look at your feelings and ask yourself what do you really WANT to do?

[Iwantittoend]

Maybe this guy has a thing for you? Just a thought.

 

The thought has come to my mind from time to time. It's always possible.

 

He sounds very immature. When we're kids and teens, we hang out with our friends 24-7. When most of us become adults, and have different lives a responsibilities, kids, spouse, etc., the visits typically become less frequent. While you're still good friends and all...an adult understands that sometimes you just got s*** to do. It's not like it's middle school summer vacation and we have nothing to do but spend every waking moment with our friends.

 

What normal, healthy couple spends all their evenings with their friends, anyway? He has some issues if he's getting mad at you for wanting to have alone time with your girlfriend.

 

The problem with him is that he doesn't have a job, still lives with his parents, and is 2 year younger than me. While I'm out working my behind off to support myself, he's at home playing videogames all day. He doesn't understand the stress I go through on a daily basis. He thinks it can be all fun and games every night, when in reality, there are some nights that I don't want to go out drinking and I'd rather go home and sleep.

 

He just has a different mindset and lifestyle than me. We're a lot alike in many aspects, but different in the way we go about our daily lives.

 

i really wish i could see what was going through people's minds that act like this. i can never imagine becoming this clingy to a FRIEND. sure, i love them, but if i hear from them even once a day everyday it seems like too much.

 

Me neither. Friends are GREAT to have around, but they shouldn't be in your face and asking for your help CONSTANTLY. That's just an overbearing person.

 

Yes, you are probably too nice. This guy sounds like a parasite. Maybe the reason he is in your life is to teach you how to set some boundaries. I am going to recommend CODA, even though I don't like 12 step stuff. If you find the right group you can see how you put others' needs before your own, plus you will have others there who do the same thing and are learning how to change. The web site is link removed.

 

Thanks for the tip; I'll actually check that out. Maybe a few classes will help straighten me out.

 

Not saying you do...but look at your feelings and ask yourself what do you really WANT to do?

 

I'd love to just say no to him and go on my way. I've started doing it more, but for some reason I feel like a jerk afterwards. It's almost like I don't feel right unless I'm there for him, but at the same time, I know I need to do what's right for me.

[scared and alone]

I wouldnt say that problem, but I have someone who does not get the hint. If I NEVER call you or even TRY to contact you, wouldnt you kinda get the hint?! Hell sometimes I only contact her just so she'll leave me alone for a while. Shes got messed up stuff in her life that I frankly do not want to be involved with.