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1 year anniversary and my advice for what it's worth!

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Exactly one year ago today, the girl I loved with all my heart told me she broke up with me a week earlier because she needed space to find herself…and that she was going on holiday with a male ‘friend’ in two weeks (they ended up together, of course).


This was, without a doubt, the single worst day in the single worst week of my life thus far (and I still believe if she knew that, it would surprise her completely).


And here I sit a year later, trying to think of how to sum up for those of you in the early stages of break up heartache and looking for a bit of positive feedback, just like I was back then.


I can only say that in time you’ll better.


Rubbish, eh? Doesn’t really help that much. Doesn’t fill you with renewed hope for the future. Doesn’t make the pain any less.


But, it’s true. The truest statement there will ever be about breaking up. The rest is just gravy.


I’m not even going to tell you that after a year you’ll be all better. I was with my ex for nearly five years, but that doesn’t matter at all. It’ll take as long as it takes to be a hundred percent over her. And the same goes for you. Try to put time limits on it and you’ll drive yourself mad.


To those of you who have been what I’ve been through, got over it and have found somebody else, I salute you and admit I’m completely jealous of you.


I’ve met no one since the split and that makes me quite miserable sometimes. Further, it makes me think of my ex, my nearest frame of reference, and it makes me miss her.


I know in my head that when I meet someone new, she’ll fade into the past as is right and proper. I just hate the fact that I’ve met no one in all this time, so her memory stays vivid when it shouldn’t.


It’s not her I miss, of course, not now. It’s the person she was, the relationship we had, that I miss.


Notice the accent on past tenses there.


You can’t go back. It’s called a break up because it’s broken. As soon as you accept that, you’ll be on the road to recovery properly. That’s how it was for me and so many others.


Also…only rely on the FACTS.


Your heart and emotions are so messed up by the break up, spending time thinking about anything other than cold, hard facts is a total waste of time.


Let your head rule your heart totally, even if it hurts. The one fact you know is that they split up with you. That the relationship is over. Don’t waste your time analysing and conjecturing about the possibilities of getting back together or about what you could have done differently. Trust me, I did this and it got me nowhere.


…But please don’t think there’s anything wrong with you.


Sure, as far as your ex is concerned there was something wrong with you. Accept this and deal with it. You didn’t cut the mustard as far as they were concerned. You weren’t good enough…


But that’s just the opinion of one person, isn’t it? One person in billions.


…Plenty of people thought Hitler was a wonderful man…Plenty of people hated and despised Ghandi.


One person’s rejection is nothing. There are millions of people out there. Apply yourself to earning their respect and love and forget about the one person you dated, the one person who rejected you.


You’ll benefit from it no end, trust me.


I wish for all of you fresh into a break up that you get over it as soon as you can. I hope for all those of you who have found new love after healing that it never leaves you. And I hope for me and others like me, that we find that new love as soon as it’s right.


It gets better. The world might not become a rosy, happy place with no pain in it, but the pain you feel at their loss will go away.


Best wishes,


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Andy, I am at the one year mark also and I want to say I agree with you 100%, especially the part about don't over analyzing what had happened.


Some things in life just can't be explained or controlled and the sooner we realize that the more content we will be.

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Andy, thanks for pointing out some key points here! That is where I am in my life right now healing and moving ahead with my improved self. 6months broken up, and 3 weeks of NC (and intend to keep it like that) and I feel like I am breaking away from these chains! Each day is getting better and to be quite honest I do have my ups and downs, but I know that will fade as I focus all my energy on me!


I like how you mentioned...."It’s not her I miss, of course, not now. It’s the person she was, the relationship we had, that I miss." So true!


Great post! Reassures me that I will be just fine and hopefully I will find my true treasure!


Good luck with everything and stay positive...she is out there somewhere waiting for you! Faith my friend!





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