I feel like I’m continually getting Pi**ed upon.

[TrueBrit]

My GF and I moved in together 3 months ago and it’s been a rocky road from day 1 to say the least. I feel like she always says what she feels I want to hear and yet within a few days she’s doing what she likes and not what we agreed upon.

 

We both agreed that Alcohol seems to exasperate situations were we disagree. So we decided not to bring alcohol back into the home, unless we were having company and we discussed it.

 

I was visiting my daughter last night. I came home and my gf had bought a 12 pack and had already finished 5 beers off. What to do confront her or let it slide? I confronted her,

[ She argues that its just a twelve pack, she had no kids to look after. I know from experience that 12 today leads to 18 this time next week, and eventually it will be starting a 30 pack at 2:00pm on a Wednesday.] We had a big row and she took off for the night. Today she’s saying I know your right and I’m wrong, I shouldn’t have done it, wont do it again…..

 

We have argued before and after a few days she’s all lovey dovey {The honeymoon period}. Then within 5 to 14 days we are on each others back again, arguing.

 

She’s been spoilt in her previous relationships, all ways had what she wants. I feel that me standing up to her causes a lot of the friction in our relationship.

 

I’m at the point where I just don’t know what to do…. We have argued before and she’s refused to move out, uses the argument that her kids are settled now and signed up for school in the new district. I think that I am codependent, continually trying to help her fix her problems. Yet what does she show me back? Little, if nothing.

 

Has anybody else been in this type of a relationship? Should I lay down an ultimatum? Just give up trying (which I think I am nearly at)? When do you finally know that its just not worth the hassle any more?

[CallingAllAngels]

I would get out. So what if her kids are set up in the school district? Let her get them in another one. You are in for a world of misery if you stay with her.

 

You say you are co-dependent. If alcohol is also a problem for you, you may also be dealing with another problem, because she is ignoring your request to only bring it into your house when you have guests.

 

Lay down the law. Get her out of your apartment before it's too late. You're not married to her, and you don't even get along - why in the world would you want to continue to live with her for?

 

Sounds like a nightmare. Get out and find someone who respects you.

 

My best -

 

~Allie

[Crazyaboutdogs]

This does not sound like a healthy situation. It also sounds like she has an alcohol problem. Does she have a lot of other problems? I think you might have to re-think this relationship because what you see is what you will get for the next umpteen years. She clearly doesn't see herself as having any problems.

[TrueBrit]

She spent some time in Rehab about 18 mths ago from alcoholism.

Suffers from depression

She was abused as a child.

Works few hours, " Nothing available that fits in with the hours she has to look after the kids.

[Russ]

I've been there, though on a smaller scale. I didn't have the housing issues that you do, but the message is still the same. You should get out of this. She's understood that she can control you, and she'll use it to her advantage. Scratch that, she's already using it to her advantage.

 

It's a one-sided relationship, and you don't need that.

[gcollier2002]

-The next thing you know, she's trying to take your truck, Big Screen TV, and Waterbed.... I know from experience, man. It's time to start cutting her loose.

[pinkelephant]

Plenty of people who were abused as a child end up fine. I think you should urge her to go to counseling for help. IN the mean time, you're not social service. You don't owe her anything, especially being in a relationship like this. I think you need to walk, at least for awhile until she gets better.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

If she is an alcoholic, then she shouldn't be drinking one drop. Ever again. It sounds like now that she has got herself a meal ticket (you) and you are providing a roof over her head, she is going back to drinking.

 

Be extremely careful here, because she could try to force you to be tied to her by getting pregnant, and then you might well have a child with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and be stuck paying her child support for the next 18 years.

 

You need to give her immediate notice that it is not working out, and it is time for her to find another place to live. Do not have sex with her anymore, because she may well attempt a pregnancy to trap you.

 

There are many single mothers who are well able to support themselves and their children, and they don't drink like fish nor expect another man to support them and their passel of children who aren't even his.

 

Please don't be a chump here... recognize she's a user, and one with serious problems that she doesn't seem to think she needs to fix. NOT a good combination and very risky for you.