He's moving back home - not sure about me

[legnadeer]

Been dating a man from Oz for about four months now. His work ends around September and he has to return. We've hit a couple of road bumps this week concerning this I guess (plus he's getting a little homesick). I guess I'm just looking for some advice or ??

 

We haven't deeply spoken about me moving over there to continue this though I've alluded to the fact that I had no problems moving. I'm a adventurer at heart and was actually headed over to live in Europe before we met for no other reason than to experience life, so moving abroad = no problem. The vibe I'm getting now from him is uncertainty about our future because he has to go back and unfortunately for him/me he has a few things to work out his own self that involves a past relationship he had which ended late last year. He's afraid of failure. And thinks he may need to sort some things out or figure it out.

 

He's not said that we should/will break up or that he wants to, in the beginning I thought that we would just cross that bridge when it came to it - him leaving - and in the meantime we'd enjoy each others company until then. But the time is close and he's been thinking about it a lot more than I have. Feels as if he's torn.

 

He wants to be in Oz because his friends family and life he built is there but at the same moment he mentions applying for a green card lottery so that he can be here. It's a little bit confusing to say the least. And he's not directly saying things so it makes it even harder to figure out. Feels as if he doesn't want to hurt me, be hurt himself.

 

I guess what I'm wondering is if I should just sit him down and have a heart to heart, this is what I'm willing to do (move) to try things out if that is what you want, or will this relationship last past September? And if I do, would now be the time or should I give it a month or so closer to the date he's leaving?

 

I wonder if I should just back away now while we're friends and in good spirits with one another and while I'm level headed and part ways with him knowing that it will eventually end soon anyways. I hate the thought of breaking it off now, when we could have two more months with one another but in that bliss there would always be the hint of knowledge.

 

Or should I let him take the initiative and let him decide on his own what he wants to do with this (our relationship) because that way I'd know it was of his own doing and not through influence.

 

Honestly... I'd like to just pack it up and walk the other way. But... that's the way I've done things in the past so I'm trying not to make such a rash movement. There's that saying if you love something set it free and if it was yours in the first place it'll come back to you, something like that.

 

I just don't know what to do. I know in the end it'll be my decision and that alone but I wouldn't mind a little bit of advice if you have any to offer.

[Scorpion Fury]

First of all....what is OZ?

 

If you're serious about being willing to move, let him know but don't put any pressure on him. Think it through, too. Make sure to put yourself in a situation where if something happened and you guys broke up, you would be OK. Such as not moving in with him right away.

 

Four months is not all that long. Are you two in love?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

If you suggest moving with him, he could feel more pressure because that would suggest you moving in with him...and you have only been dating four months. It sounds like he is very confused about his life..he also has unfinished business with his ex so maybe he is hoping for a reconciliation there. When did he know he would be moving back to Australia? Was it before he got involved with you? Unfortunately many people embark on relationships that they know won't lead anywhere due to life decisions coming up, but they just want some fun and frolic before moving on. It is possible that this relationship to him, was just one of those temporary things that are fun until he is ready to move back home. I would suggest talking to him more openly and seeing how he reacts about the suggestion that you move down...you can even mention getting your own place to live. There is not much time left between now and September. Another option is to wait until he moves there, see if the relationship continues long distance, in the meantime get some information on your own about moving down, jobs etc. Then, if the relationship is still going on long distance, suggest that you move down there already having a game plan in mind.

[legnadeer]

HighlyUpset - Oz = Australia

 

I'm in love, and Im not one to give my heart to anyone so it's a pretty big thing, assuming he's quite fond of me hasn't said the words yet but the feelings feel like they're there. We're both in our early thirties btw.

 

Moving over there defn would be not with him, I have a couple of friends over there who could rent me rooms and/or their friends could do so. I've experience living abroad as well and easily make friends. Have a little nest egg saved up so money would be no issue.

 

Crazyaboutdogs - Yeah that's what I don't want, to pressure him. And I agree about the confusion. Not hoping for a reconciliation with her, three years was enough but there is some angry there still. I can't blame him, there's some with my ex as well.

 

He was thinking he'd be here for a year and was hoping he could get a greencard eventually but his company called him back sooner than expected. He'd been here about a month when we met and we just clicked in such a great way. We just "knew". Anyways I've pondered what you said... and have done some research about it. Moving independently I guess all that's left if talking to him about it maybe finding out how he'd feel if I moved and what we would be? I could go for a couple of months from October til the end of the year - it'll be their summer so weather would be perfect - and perhaps see where it goes from there.

 

Ugh this is so hard. Usually I'm so calm and level headed and I just know. But in this instance it's just different and I can barely think straight about it.

 

I guess I just need to figure out when I'm going to lay it all down.