Karmageddon Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Ok so I had no choice but to split with my ex bf the weekend before his bday (6-30). Had dinner plans, presents wrapped on the table, the whole deal. He had previously disappeared on me two more times once each month prior and ignored my calls & texts for a week or more. We had talked since then & were trying to work it out. He asked me if I would please call him again so we could start over. so in good faith, I did & we made plans for his bday weekend. Once again, no show, no call to cancel, no returning of calls & no contact afterwards. All this after all we had talked about & him knowing this was just unacceptable to treat me like that. so I packed up his birthday present & fedexed it to his office. I would have called to split up with him in person or even by phone but he wouldn't answer anyway, I was just putting his actions into words, he had really been the one to do the dumping. (A side note here, he is separated and has a little girl, but has never filed the paper work, its been about a year and a half & I have never met her until just very recently "as friends"..red flag, I know) I also told him that until he starts on the divorce, then there is really no reason for us to talk anymore & to please not contact me until that starts to happen & we can have a "real" relationship and move forward. Anyway, ever since then, I have been getting texts from him every few days always at about one or two in the morning. Telling me he loves me, telling me I am the best thing that has ever happened to him etc.. I have always responded, let him know that I love him & that I wish nothing but the best for him & his daughter, but that I can't allow him to treat me this way anymore. He would send another one saying how much he cares for me, that he knows it doesn't seem like it but he does & he hopes that I am ok. That he really misses my friendship and support & that he wishes we could still be friends To which I reply, I am taking it day by day, but I will be fine. I reminded him that I could never go backwards with him & that just being "friends" would be to hard for me. I have always told him that, I told him that when I was falling for him and that if we took this step I could never go back to just being friends. He said he was sorry that I didn't understand, that he never wanted to lose my friendship and that he didn't think he could. Which upset me. I told him that if you have to lie to people to spend time with me, then it doesn't really sound like I am a friend. Then of course nothing for a couple days An I love you here, a sweet dreams there, always at one or two in the am. So to last night of course at one am, asks if I am working sat or if I can take this friday off. He says he bought himself a new harley and wants to go for a ride. So my skin starts to crawl & I send him back that I have been doing level my best to try and start to get over him, that I have made it really clear how I feel about him and that I cannot be friends, its to hard. He sends back that he is sorry, so now this is starting to get me really angry b/c, I think i've been pretty clear. So I send back Please stop F******g with my head. You know I want nothing more than to be with you & if you had no intentions of working on a relationship between us, then what you are doing is amazingly cruel. It sounds like you are having a pretty good laugh at my expense. To which he replies, Not at all, I just want to have contact with you. I do care about you and I do miss you. So I tell him that, Basically then, what he wants is to continue sneaking around with me until it becomes to inconvienient, then ignore me for a while til he gets bored or everyone else is busy? So he says, No I don't. I just wanted to hang out . Nothing else. No big plan to f**k you around or make you feel bad. Just hang out. My response was this. I've told you that I cannot be your friend. I cannot go backwards with you. You know this and if your only intention is to want to hang out with me as friends, then you ARE f*****g me around. His response..Fine. Goodnight. What is this?? Is this just a case of wanting your cake and eating it too? After all of the b.s. he has put me through, I have tried to take the higher road, be polite but steadfast and consistent with what I need. I am so insulted and so angry that he has the absolute gall to pull this whole "friend" thing on me. He obviously thinks that b/c I love him he can just treat me like absloute c**p and I will just come running when he calls?? WRONG! This was his choice, not mine. I would never in a million years treat anyone like that. Who does stuff like this? I am shocked at the absolute nerve of it. I'm stunned. What the hell is this? Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Well, I think you have a pretty accurate idea of what is going on- he misses your love, support, and attention. He thinks because he has done this before, multiple times, that you will eventually cave, as you have done before. He's incredibly selfish and immature. Now you need to stop giving him any response- ignore any texts, calls, emails, etc. he'll eventually get the hint. Link to comment
Zampotne Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 I don't think you should be responding to him. Even if they are negative responses, he'll still keep at it. I think he texts you at 1 am because that's probably after his wife went to bed. You already know he's bad news. Good for you to sticking to your guns. But NC is best. He's a jerk. Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 friends= i will behave as your friend..and then when i want more ..i will suck you in and we will be right back to where we started from .... and then ..i will disappear again. Stand your ground.. he's not behaving like a friend.."i miss you, i love you ...blah blah" at all hours of the night is NOT the way you treat someone that you truly care for and want as a friend. I had someone doing this to me not too long ago .. your best bet is to kick him to the curb... a curb far far away- maybe even change your number so he can't contact you... I believe this man is a true cake-eater. I'm so sorry he's confusing you like this ..i know all too well what that feels like. Link to comment
allypally Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 I agree with the others - get rid! You'll only end up a wreck, waiting on his every move and wondering what else he'll throw at you. This guy is a time waster. Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted July 16, 2008 Author Share Posted July 16, 2008 Thank you guys. I know this all logically, but its still tough since this is a complete turn around in just the last 3 months from how he had behaved before. So, I have to say, I am a bit stunned & very very sad. I lost my hero & he has been replaced with a complete A-hole. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Sorry you are dealing with this nonsense.....I know you said he is separated, is he still living with the wife? His texts at 1 and 2 in the morning are highly suspicious. Best thing for you is to do complete NC. As long as he sees that you continue to respond to him no matter what the response is, he will continue to pester you. Unless he is a sociopath with serious issues, I think eventually he will get the hint and leave you alone. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Not to sound harsh, but if he's separated, he is still legally married, and he was never yours to begin with. If he was serious about you, he would have started divorce proceedings by now. I realize that you're in a lot of pain from this, but you need to see that he's being selfish, and not being fair to you. I wish you the best...Take care Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted July 16, 2008 Author Share Posted July 16, 2008 It's very true. We had talked about it many times, he did live elsewhere with his daughter. So in the beginning I had no reason to think that he wouldn't be wrapping up the deal. Then of course the days just go by. Then he finally started to introduce me to her, so I was on cloud nine. She really liked me & we had a great time, looked like things were on track, then boom. something changed Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 It's very true. We had talked about it many times, he did live elsewhere with his daughter. So in the beginning I had no reason to think that he wouldn't be wrapping up the deal. Then of course the days just go by. Then he finally started to introduce me to her, so I was on cloud nine. She really liked me & we had a great time, looked like things were on track, then boom. something changed Sounds like they may be trying their hand at a reconciliation. Do you think so too? Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted July 16, 2008 Author Share Posted July 16, 2008 Exactly. Which I can understand. What I don't understand is not telling me the truth about it. If its true, he should have told me. Like I wouldn't find out eventually. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Exactly. Which I can understand. What I don't understand is not telling me the truth about it. If its true, he should have told me. Like I wouldn't find out eventually. Well if he was to do the noble thing and tell you the truth then he wouldn't be able to have his cake and eat it too. If they are working on getting back together then he should really focus his time and energy on her and quit trying to get you to go for rides.... But you already know this....LOL Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted July 16, 2008 Author Share Posted July 16, 2008 HAHAAA!!! I do I do... If that is what he is doing, he really needs to have enough respect for her to try and make it work. And enough respect for me to just tell me the truth & cut me loose.....Ohhhhh but CAKE!!! hmmmm....yummy yummy cake!! LOL. This is NOT funny...so why am i laughing!! Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 HAHAAA!!! I do I do... If that is what he is doing, he really needs to have enough respect for her to try and make it work. And enough respect for me to just tell me the truth & cut me loose.....Ohhhhh but CAKE!!! hmmmm....yummy yummy cake!! LOL. This is NOT funny...so why am i laughing!! because you are keeping a good head about this and that is what is going to help you get through it all..... Laughter is truly the best medicine......You have made me laugh on a few of your other posts........ Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted July 16, 2008 Author Share Posted July 16, 2008 Well its nice to know a sick and twisted sense of humor is good for something! Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Well its nice to know a sick and twisted sense of humor is good for something! well it has to be good for something considering the men we have been dealing with aren't good for nothin'!.... Besides what's the alternative......Cry, rant and rave? No thanks.....then our hair will fall out, we will have serious deep frown lines and I don't know many men that want a chick with frown lines......... oh wait.....let me turn that frown upside down..... Link to comment
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