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Why do I push for a relationship when I'm not sure I can handle one?? Feeling low and confused, help

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Hi all,


As some of you may know, I met the guy I was dating for 5 months but just as friends, because it was not progressing as he cant do a relationship, or doesnt want one. However, I pushed for one all this time with him, but Im beginning to think I couldnt handle one anyway.


I feel so very confused about what I want. I daydream about having a relationship again, a happy life with someone I get on well with and love, but I look for it in all the wrong places, and am attracted, it seems, to guys who cannot give that. But when I feel like im getting close to someone, I get scared myself - just the same as them!


I dont understand it....


Im not working at the moment, and its getting me down, tho I have interviews in the pipeline, im waiting around a lot and its making me think and making me crave company.


Ive got plenty of friends but I enjoy spending time with him so much, maybe too much, that Im missing it. But we cannot be close friends because I have this need.


So very confused about what I want.....


I have moments when I think, if he was to come to me and say he wanted a relationship now, which isnt going to happen by the way, I think I would say no, but why on earth have I pushed for one with him all this time??? Makes me feel like he and I are kind of the same, just wanting that company now and then with each other, almost using each other. Please help me figure out what I'm all about???



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we often want what we cant have. we often simply want to prove that the other person wants us. we often idealize the fantasy of a relationship w/ someone, when the reality will be much more 'realistic', lol.


im in the same boat. i dream of finding a fantastic new mate, but i am so sure im not in a good place for that yet. so i (you too) need to take this time off and focus on getting ourselves ready. our careers, hobbies, friends, phsyical, mental, and emtotional state need to be worked out before we can effectively be in a new relationship.


that doesnt mean you cant date, make new friends, and have fun, but when you are talking about a serious, long term thing. its... well serious, ya know?

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Yes I think he and I have found company in each other as we are both unhappy and have needs, but not necessarily suited for a relationship. However, because its gone on for too long probably, we are kinda drawn and hard to let go.


Because I want a relationship, ive been pinning hopes on him, when in reality I really dont want one with him

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