Lost408 Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 So what would you do if you found out that your wife of 11 years is having erotic chats with an old friend from Jr High? She got reaquinted with him through a social networking site and the two have been emailing like crazy. He lives about 1800 miles away and is in a ltr as well, just bought a home with his girlfriend of 5 years. The only upside is that the chats have been getting her hot and heavy and our own sex life has sky rocketed since then. You all know how I found out, I'm not proud, but at least my suspicions were correct. Some of the emails were heartbreaking and others were hilarious with the lies that were spewed by her. Is this just fun for her? Is this just an outlet? Or is this leading down a path that needs to be fixed right away? Link to comment
Stambler Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 ...leading down a path that may not be fixable. This is inappropriate behavior for a married woman. Something is wrong, in her mind, with the marriage. You have to tell her you know, but don't be crtitcal of her, tell her you stumbled accross it and you are concerned about the marriage. Suggest counceling together. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Is this just fun for her? Is this just an outlet? Or is this leading down a path that needs to be fixed right away? All of the above. It might just be fantasy, or trying to regain her youth, but you really need to sit down with her and have a hard conversation about what's going on with her and you and the marriage. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Your wife is having an emotional affair on you. She may not be engaging in the act physically, but emotionally, she is "with" this man. Confront her and tell her that you know. If she denies it, you will have to show her the emails you found. Don't be surprised if she turns to all around on you and your "snooping" (that's what my husband did). Get in to see a good marriage councelor...the sooner the better. Good luck to you - ~Allie Link to comment
avman Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 It's something you'll need to confront directly and find out what is going on. It's not harmless fun and obviously what she is saying to this other person is very hurtful to you. Link to comment
Massari Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 The only upside is that the chats have been getting her hot and heavy and our own sex life has sky rocketed since then. Hmm this is interesting, everything you mentioned in your post was not how a wife should act, but this part got me thinking maybe she is realizing that what a doosh the other guy is and is bringing you two closer together? i may be totally wrong here though. Link to comment
avman Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 I don't know Massari - this part is very telling: Some of the emails were heartbreaking and others were hilarious with the lies that were spewed by her. Link to comment
Massari Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 I don't know Massari - this part is very telling Oh yeah, I think i overlooked this part, the lying in the emails is definitely stating otherwise. Link to comment
Jeen Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Married to a woman with more issues then the NY Times I do think you both has a lot of explaining to do if I read your previous post, it do look like the two of you do have many issues that should be sorted and talked about, both should be committed 24/7 with rules that apply to both not just one party. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Hmm this is interesting, everything you mentioned in your post was not how a wife should act, but this part got me thinking maybe she is realizing that what a doosh the other guy is and is bringing you two closer together? i may be totally wrong here though. This is actually very common when people are having affairs - their libido rockets, they have the other person on their mind, their spouse is right there... Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 This is actually very common when people are having affairs - their libido rockets, they have the other person on their mind, their spouse is right there... And that's where the "emotional affair" comes into play. Link to comment
Lost408 Posted July 16, 2008 Author Share Posted July 16, 2008 Must just be be trying to rationalize it from not what it is.... There is a ton of backstory here...but I can't quite come out with it. I have never cheated on my wife, nor flirted outragiously...but I'm the only one in the marriage that can say that Link to comment
luvs2kayak Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 If I were in this situation, I would open up one of the more recent explicit emails and leave it open on the screen for her to see. Then wait. Once she sees it, she'll panic thinking she left it open by mistake, and she'll be worried you may have seen it. The way she handles it will tell you even more about her character. At least that's what I would do....... you need to get things out in the open, and she needs to take responsibility for her behavior. She deserves to be taken to task for this deceitful action. Link to comment
Lost408 Posted July 16, 2008 Author Share Posted July 16, 2008 without going into to too much detail. This is her last chance, and I think she failed it miserably. I already requested a time with our marriage therapist from a while back and hoping to see what she says. Sick with grief knowing that my wife, the mother of my children, is pathetic Link to comment
luvs2kayak Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Yes, it is... So sorry you have to endure such offensive behavior. She is a terrible role model for your children. You deserve better. Good luck. Link to comment
Lost408 Posted July 16, 2008 Author Share Posted July 16, 2008 Did a "round about" conversation with her and she lied through it. May as well prepare for this to end now....I am in awe Link to comment
Lost408 Posted July 16, 2008 Author Share Posted July 16, 2008 I know she doesn't since the guy is 1) 3+ states away 2) been with his lady almost 6 years, my error 3) Invited her father to play golf when he heads out for spring training next year 4) Commented to her that I look like a guy that beat him down in high school Link to comment
luvs2kayak Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Personally, I would end it with her. She's done too much damage and there's no excuse for that. How can you be married to someone you don't trust? Link to comment
Lost408 Posted July 16, 2008 Author Share Posted July 16, 2008 are you the voice in my head? I don't remember what trust is anymore...seems like a dream to have trust Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 are you the voice in my head? I don't remember what trust is anymore...seems like a dream to have trust I left my divorced my husband because I couldn't stay in a marriage without trust. He had so many affairs even he lost track. Link to comment
Lost408 Posted July 16, 2008 Author Share Posted July 16, 2008 what was funny that during the conversation she said that she changed all of her email passwords because she thought i was snooping. She said she would have kicked me out of the house if I broke that trust again. Last time i Hacked in she was doing the same thing...therapy for a while..all fine and dandy Of yea conversation highlights: "I'm a flirt, more so than you, are you going to follow me around all day?" "So your saying I can't be friends...nothing is happening...do you really think that I'd just pack up and leave for someone in XXXXX?" "Who cares about erotic chat, its funny and kinda kinky. When I'm done with it who do I turn to in bed...?" I am at a loss....it's like my wife is channeling her inner 'ho Link to comment
redhearts Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 seriously, your sex life sky rocketed, BUT SHES THINKING OF PROBABLY DOING IT.. with THIS GUY, NOT YOU.. and your okay? Link to comment
Lost408 Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 trying to be funny...or stay lighthearted 2 kids, i'm working my own business around 50-60 hours a week and providing a lifestyle her friends are jealous of. When I think about that I want to vomit... Link to comment
Rabican Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 If my girl was having those sorts of talks with another guy, at the very least I would throw her out of the house for the weekend just to let her know I wasnt happy. Then Id tell her that IF, and I mean IF I decided to give her another shot, it was the LAST shot for that kind of behavior. I wouldnt tolerate it, I did once, then I grew a spine, and its the best thing Ive ever done. You wanna talk to another guy like that, fine go talk to him. And while yer at it, have him pay your rent, do your errands etc... Im out. Dont put up with it bro. Link to comment
Lost408 Posted July 22, 2008 Author Share Posted July 22, 2008 What do you all make of this email exchange? Her I'm just curious. This thing with you and me. All in good fun right? I mean you're not actually serious that given the opportunity you would make a move. See, sometimes I misunderstand or misconstrue - serious Jessica Simpson tendencies. I also don't want to ruin the fun by asking...but I'm me, which means I had to ask. Him Totally all good fun. And out of all honesty, I don't really make moves, ya know?? I'm the type of guy that would let things "happen", you know? But I know you're happily married and all that, and I'm in a happy relationship, so yeah..... And you? What if it came down to us... hanging out... being alone... would you??? Her Can I plead the 5th? Being serious. No. I couldn't. Catastrophic consequences, you know? But to answer honestly, when I want something, I get it. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.