not sure if this is a moment of weakness or just venting

[sweeth tooth cadet]

so right now its about 115 am and i can't seem to sleep. Like many on here I find my self on the brink of insanity and feeling quite helpless and trapped. I feel like screaming and all I seem to have go through my head is WHY WHY WHY. All I ever did wa sto try to make her life better all I did was to do everything in power to bring joy and happiness as much as I could.

 

I did my absolute best to be a decent fun, loving and super loyal friend boyfriend. And what for? so I could have this person * * * * on my heart time and time again. I gave her so many chances to just let me go and be honest of if ending things with me was what she wanted....

 

I trusted her and I told her time and time again don't hurt me like the one sin the past if u dont like me just tell me and I will leave your life. I asked so many times and all she could say was that she was being honest.

 

And now I find out things she lied to me about I feel totally shredded like someone went in with a flipping blender and shredded me completely on the inside. this is the thank you I get for everything I did. I wanna scream as loud as I can until I run out of breath and completely collapse. Why was I such a fool why did I lend my self to this when all along my intentions were good and clear. I got humiliated through teh course of several months and now I am as upset as I am mad and right now I am as hell.

[lapseinjudgement]

Im sorry... seriously the world is kinda screwed up sometimes. You can do everything for a person and them not give it back. Its so easy to love someone with every part of your body and soul and when they just drop you its a horrible thing.

 

Just all i can say is DONT beat yourself up. If you truly did do your best than you have nothing to beat yourself up about. Seriously if she doesnt see that and doesnt want that let her find someone that will play the same game with her. I know its hard but your not alone in your battle. Just give it some time the pain will get a little better each day.

[Karmageddon]

You can beat yourself up for being a trusting loving person all you want, but really, do you want to be the other way? Do you want to be like the person that your ex is, b/c really isn't that the other option. To be a callous lying jerk to people? You were right, she was wrong. There are plenty of people out there who are looking for someone honest & caring. I got duped too. A couple of times. But I dont want to be always guarding myself from people. Shame on her for abusing your trust. Sometimes no good deed goes unpunished. Dust this one off, sounds like she didn't deserve one & gets negative points for taking a good one out of the pool where he could have been scooped up by someone more deserving.

[sweeth tooth cadet]

thank you for your kind and understanding words> Right now I cant seem to sleep due to the unending plathera of thoughts that I have, some are good thoughts and some are bad.

I feel so stupid, like why...................oh man I wonder if I should have just been a * * * * and used her as well, but no I made her things I took her out and took care of her when she was sick. I even made a fool of my self all the times that I tried to cheer her up even though Im not very funny at all, but what can I say. I tried and she just kicked where it hurts most.

 

NOw I wonder if I would have just treated her like all the crap that ahd come along in her before me. ahhhh

[sweeth tooth cadet]

thank you guys for taking the time to read and respond. I feel so alone right now and ur words on this screne are the only company that I have

[nothanks]

It feels SOOOO. So sorry when I see someone else go through this. I know how big that loneliness can feel.

 

It is so crappy when someone does the exact thing you asked them not to do. What is WITH that?

 

Next time let's try telling whoever we meet, "Promise me you'll never give me a LOT of money. That would be the one thing that hurts me."

 

Did that cheer you up? No?

 

Well, at least you got some company!

[mr me]

Well i dont really know what to say but its good that your doing something about it. Is there anything you like to do that maybe might help you take your mind off of her. I dont know if thats really what you want to do now but it good to at least think about it. The main thing is that the things she might have done might make you feel like crap on the inside but the good that is inside of you will help you deal with what you are going thru now. I would just say imagine a miserable person having to deal with things going bad and how much it would kinda suck to realize the person they really are. Hopefully that person might learn from that but i was just trying to show you how to look at this in a way that might make you feel better. You did alot of good things that showed you that maybe you have good qualities that you might have never known you had and also that maybe there is someone out in this world that might do the same things for you.

[a_lifters_life]

I dont understand this either man, I'm a hell of a lot younger than you are .. but this girl that I'm with now cannot tell me honestly how she feels all the time. She hides her emotions in fear for the relationship, i'd rather people be straight up then lead you on . Completely feel you man ! Take care !