Sick Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 My boyfriend of a year and a half who's broken up with me and come back to me about 4 times broke up with me for the 5th time a couple weeks ago. Then while i was on vacation, him and my best friend hooked up at his house behind my back and made out and did a few other intimate things. He told me about this when i called him while i was still on my trip and we got into a huge fight, then i called my friend and yelled at her and told her to never speak to me and that i hated her for this. Well since then my friend has apologised profusely but i still haven't forgiven her. My ex keeps calling me because he says he wants to stay friends and spend time with me. Last night we had a very long phone conversation discussing everything thats gone on between the three of us and he wants me to forgive my friend and have the three of us hang out once again. But i know its just an excuse for him to see her again. He even told me that he liked her alot and even went as far as to say that he liked her more than he ever liked me. The conversation got even more serious after that and he kept telling me that he never loved me, he never had feelings for me and he didnt want anything to do with me. He said he wanted to be with her. He wanted to date her and forget about me. I started crying and begging him to stay with me and to just try and work things out again, and he told me it would never work. After that i kept him on the phone for another hour or so and the conversation changed to something completely different, and it actually ended quite well. We had a really long in-depth conversation about something different and it took my mind off of my other friend. Then i said i wanted to go to bed and we hung up. While i was sleeping my phone rang again and it was him again. He told me that he couldn't stop thinking of me after our conversation and he said he missed me and cared about me and he was really sorry. Then he said he wanted to work things out again, get back together and do this by taking things slowly. He told me at least 5 times that he loved me and i kept saying, no, you don't really, but he started begging me to start things over and give him another chance. What the hell? So he goes from telling me he likes my friend and doesn't want to ever be with me to telling me he loves me and wants to start over. He sounds confused and i know he isn't using me for anything, so there really are no benefits for him to stay with me. I just don't get it.:sad: Link to comment
nothanks Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Whoa. This is too much. I can't believe what he is putting you through. No idea what's in his head or what's driving him, but I can tell you that I am 100% certain there is nothing good for you with this guy. He does not give a dime about your feelings. He was mean on the phone. He hooked up with your friend. He denies that he ever had feelings for you. How MEAN!!! And then he calls back and says that other stuff? The reason he called back, I would wager, is that you got calm and stopped begging, and didn't need him. And then - the very worst thing - YOU were the one ready to hang up! That can't be! He has to come back and hook you in again, so he can then hurt you again. I don't know why, but that seems to me what he is doing. I tell you, my ex left me 3 times - like moved almost all his things out, and everything. Twice he and the things were back in a week, this last time stuck. Before that there were 5 or more times that he was really close to leaving and I had to beg and soothe and promise and make nice to get him to stay. Now I just wish I had let go the very first time, 14 months ago. I wish I had let him go then. All that I got was deeper in debt, more attached, more entwined, more dependent, and a heck of a lot more anxious. And in the end he split anyway. If someone is leaving that many times, I will never again put up with it. It is a sure sign they are unreliable. Who needs that? I think this guy sounds EXTRA toxic though. Link to comment
riley123 Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Well, my only question is why would you want to be with someone who is so confused? Wouldn't you prefer someone to spend your time with someone who's into you and looks forward to spending their time with you? Why settle? You can do much better. Move on. Link to comment
DN Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 So he's broken up with you four or five times and made out or more with your friend. Sounds like a keeper - but for someone else. Maybe your friend. I would tell him to get lost. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 You're too young to be wasting your time on a guy like this. Find someone who knows what he wants and knows how to treat a girl and knows what a little respect is. He's no good and you certainly deserve better. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Bipolar. He's bipolar. I wouldn't doubt it. Either that or he's just a manipulative and sadistic piece of s*** with no regard for your feelings. You're so young honey. You will find someone worth your time. Just have fun and try to enjoy life. Enjoy being young and single and try to get over him. You will eventually find a guy that knows he wants to be with only you, and doesn't break up with when the mood strikes. At 17, romantic relationships usually don't last, anyway. I know that doesn't help. Just know what a great girl you are and how much you deserve. You should never beg someone to be with you. Ever. As for your friend, you don't need that chick in your life. She's no friend. Tell them both to kick rocks. Find a new hobby that enables you to meet new friends, and potentially a new boyfriend. Change your number and cut off all contact with those two. They deserve each other. Link to comment
Sick Posted July 15, 2008 Author Share Posted July 15, 2008 He might just be out to hurt me, but i don't really think he is. I don't know what's going through his head or what motivates him to do this but i don't think he's intentionally hurting me. But i guess i could be wrong, thanks for the advice. Link to comment
Sick Posted July 15, 2008 Author Share Posted July 15, 2008 Bipolar. He's bipolar. I wouldn't doubt it. he does have a few psychological issues, i won't deny that. Theres alot going on with him. As for the rest of what you said, i know you're right, i know i should move on, find a new friend and stop talking to both of them, but it's really difficult to lose both your boyfriend and best friend at the same time when i don't have a whole lot of friends to begin with. I know its probably for the best but its too tempting to just go back to him and continue this mess, even though i know its only causing problems for me. I don't have any real motivation to move on. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Get rid of both of them. They're made for each other. Link to comment
bijoux27 Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Stay far far away from him. And your "friend". Link to comment
Ac143 Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 I dont know why you are even considering getting back together with him BUT you say your best friend has been apologizing nonstop and you wont give her the time of day? I dont understand these types of situations, where the woman forgives the man but not the friend. Either forgive them both or forget them both, neither one is less guilty. Link to comment
Sick Posted July 15, 2008 Author Share Posted July 15, 2008 I dont know why you are even considering getting back together with him BUT you say your best friend has been apologizing nonstop and you wont give her the time of day? I dont understand these types of situations, where the woman forgives the man but not the friend. Either forgive them both or forget them both, neither one is less guilty. You're completely right. I just realized that. I shouldn't be talking to him if i'm not talking to her, who hasn't done as much crap as he has. Now that i think of it, he hasn't even apologised once for the incident like she has. Wow, i must be completely dense or something, thank you very much. Link to comment
Sick Posted July 15, 2008 Author Share Posted July 15, 2008 What exactly do you mean by that statement? Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 A guy who cannot make up his mind? ===== Run away from him as fast as you can! Link to comment
allypally Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 I'm with the others on this. Get rid of both of them. They have both betrayed you. How could you ever trust your friend again after that??? As for your ex bf? He is a scumbag. Link to comment
KAT MOMMY Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Honey I had to stop reading this post when it got to the part of him telling you he like your friend more than you-DITCH HIM. HE is so disrespectful and he doesn't care about anyone but himself. You don't deserve to be treated like this and it's not right. This will put a huge dent in your self-esteem and no one deserves this treatment. Then with him breaking up to make up is not healthy either/ It is either he wants it or he doesn't-no where in between. If you can't be lovers then no you can't be friends either. Please walk away before it gets really ugly. YOu so called female friend is a back stabbing * * * * and they have been doing things behind your back for a long time-they have just decided to let you know-I been where you are and the road to recovery is long and bumpy so I suggest you get out of it while you still are sane. Link to comment
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