Riiley Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 OK, so I won't bore you all with the details of this situation. But in a nutshell. I had a relationship with this guy who I have known for almost 4 years. He was actually a friend of an ex boyfriend, which is how I originally met him. We hit it off immediately, and stayed friends after I broke up with the other guy. Fast forward to a couple weeks ago... we were on vacation with a group of people and I (had a few too many) and blurted out my feelings for him. Found out surprisingly that he felt the same way. We spent the most romantic week together. And, honestly, for the first time, my dreams could not have even imagined what this would be. The only kicker, he has a new baby, with a girl that he is not with. He wants to do the "right thing" and be there for his child. He doesn't want to be with the mother (and they never were together) but he feels like he can't be in a relationship right now and the focus needs to be on his child. Which I totally respect. But thoughts of him are absolutely eating at me. He told me to move on because he thinks he's "not good enough for me" which is a line, I know. But the problem is, I can't. I mean I have tried dating other guys, no one is him. Which for me is a big change. I have never been so centered on just one guy. Which is why I think he might be the one. Should I wait? I need some opinions here.... Thanks all Link to comment
D_Lish Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 He told me to move on because he thinks he's "not good enough for me" They usually come out with this line, when they dont want to take the relationship any further... If he had been as *head over heels* about you, as you for him, he'd have been with you now...he wouldn't be able to help himself, new baby or not! Link to comment
debbie10 Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 I wish I could tell you, because, I'm kind of in the same thing except my problem is that he is married. Now nothing has happened mind you, and he says the marriage is not going well at all, but he has told me he has feelings for me and that he can't wait until the day we can be together like we want. I we do is talk, I was going through a really rough time with my ex-bf just a few weeks back and talking to him was great, we've known each other for some time, but when he was somewhat still single I wasn't and when I am he's not, so our paths have never crossed at the right time. I would love to see what kind of life it would be if we were together to be able to give it a chance, but all we do is talk, and I am so very lonely, and I'm not sure weather to go on or do I wait for him to see if something ever happens. I'm confussed too, I think about him all of the time and wish we could be together or at least be able to try to make a go at things, but sometimes it feels like it will never happen. When I'm out, it does feel better just talking to other guys, but I always look at them and think your not him. So I'm really no help, because I don't know what to do. The only thing different is that he kind of gave you the open door to go, mine hasn't, when I say something about going out he says well I want you not everyone else too. So I'm stuck to, but I think I'll be doing what I want and just see where we are when he's ready, who knows we might cross at the right time, maybe not. I'm living by what is ment to happen will. Good Luck. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 I'd keep trying/hoping (but then again I'm crazy). It's hard to find someone you really like, so once you do, you don't want to give up too easy. Perhaps the "you are too good for me" thing was him just feeling overwhealmed by the developments of the relationship. Since he's got a new baby then he's probably got alot on his plate right now. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 They usually come out with this line, when they dont want to take the relationship any further... If he had been as *head over heels* about you, as you for him, he'd have been with you now...he wouldn't be able to help himself, new baby or not! Hmmmm, not everyone is like this though - it's very romantic but...some people think with their heads, not their hearts. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Hmmmm, not everyone is like this though - it's very romantic but...some people think with their heads, not their hearts. Awww come on! If someone is head over heels or has strong feelings for someone, or even romantically likes someone, they want to be with that person.....LOL People will move mountains, to be with a person they truly want to be with.... "I'm not good enough for you" is a classic, opt out line!! He enjoyed the week of romance he shared with the lady who posted this thread, but he doesn't want to take it any further....and I suspect, that's it's nothing to do with the new baby either....that's just another excuse he's given I think. Babies don't stop people who want to be together, from having a relationship... He's making an awful lot of this new baby and considering he was never with the mother....but I guess you get guys like this, who do want to be a part of a childs life and whether they were in a relationship with the mother or not. But still, this baby isn't going to take up all his time or his life, leaving him free to do little else is it?? Harsh, but I see no point in sugar coating things and giving false hopes. I could be way wrong...time will tell I suppose Link to comment
D_Lish Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 I wish I could tell you, because, I'm kind of in the same thing except my problem is that he is married. Now nothing has happened mind you, and he says the marriage is not going well at all, but he has told me he has feelings for me and that he can't wait until the day we can be together..... Marriage aint going too well....another classic line! Aint going well, yet still with the wife.....*sighs* He can't wait for the day to be with you, yet each day passes and he still hasn't made a move to be with you, you are all alone.... Honestly, you can do better for yourself Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 I agree D Lish... OP . . . . get out while you're ahead. Accept it for what it was. Let him know that you are very interested in dating and that should he ever change his mind, you'd like him to contact you. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Awww come on! If someone is head over heels or has strong feelings for someone, or even romantically likes someone, they want to be with that person.....LOL People will move mountains, to be with a person they truly want to be with.... Hollywood... Link to comment
D_Lish Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Hollywood... Rather there, than *cuckoo-land".... Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 In any case Clementine... How healthy is it to constantly wait and chase someone that has put their hands up and said "I'm unavailable" one way or another. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Rather there, than *cuckoo-land".... I was going to make a smart a$$ comment but then I googled this famed district - "cloud cukoo-land" IS an actual place! Much to my totally lack of surprise I found that several of my exs are on town council and other semi-authoritative positions (chief of police, department of tourism, dept of public works and so on). Wow, the things I learn via ENA! link removed Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 In any case Clementine... How healthy is it to constantly wait and chase someone that has put their hands up and said "I'm unavailable" one way or another. One needs to strike a balance for sure. I don't know how much waiting and chasing the OP is doing. Too much is not good, but some can be required. Life is long and the surprises are many...I know of what I speak. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Reading more of this thread and actually starting to change my mind about my advice (cuckoo land post still applies though) but I didn't realize this guy was married....so, yeah....hmmmmm. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 I'mThatGirl...your phrase Never waste time on someone not willing to waste or share time with you. Amen Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 One needs to strike a balance for sure. I don't know how much waiting and chasing the OP is doing. Too much is not good, but some can be required. Life is long and the surprises are many...I know of what I speak. I know you do. I always enjoy your advise and thoughts... Well spoken and great. I just think that people shouldn't go against such odds.. But then again, I could end up being the 60 year old single woman too.. And... My ex. Had a child with a girl that was a fling to him. He didn't deal well with balancing his life and becoming a dad for the first time. I think that it's admirable that the man the OP is speaking of has the maturity to realize that maybe he's not ready or interested in a relationship as he needs to focus on his child... not feeling pulled in several directions at one time and running like a chicken.. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 I don't think the guy who is the topic of this thread, is married.....but the second poster who came in, THE object of her affection is married....and I responded to her also LOL Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Yeah, I kinda live by (or try to live by) that quote in my signature. I want an even balance and refuse to chase anyone again... Link to comment
D_Lish Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Well I was brought up to believe that Cuckoo Land, is where people with a headful of magic live Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 I don't think the guy who is the topic of this thread, is married.....but the second poster who came in, THE object of her affection is married....and I responded to her also LOL Oh I see, I'm losing track of who is who - it's like a period piece movie lol. I just know that I've been rebuffed only to return and conquor later. Then again, I'm a guy dealing with women so....maybe it'd different the other way 'round. I love the quote by "ImThatGirl" too. Good strategy. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Well I was brought up to believe that Cuckoo Land, is where people with a headful of magic live I'll check mapquest and get back to you Link to comment
Riiley Posted July 15, 2008 Author Share Posted July 15, 2008 Hmmmm, not everyone is like this though - it's very romantic but...some people think with their heads, not their hearts. yessss...this is exactly the case. And just to clarify..the comment he made was directed at the fact that I deserve someone unattached (aka a child) which is false. Child or not I don't care, it's about him. But he is all about not messing things up, ugggg. Link to comment
bijoux27 Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 I have never been so centered on just one guy. Which is why I think he might be the one. Why do you think he's the one when it hasn't been working out for the two of you?? Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 yessss...this is exactly the case. And just to clarify..the comment he made was directed at the fact that I deserve someone unattached (aka a child) which is false. Child or not I don't care, it's about him. But he is all about not messing things up, ugggg. So he's telling you clearly "I am not available to you." Link to comment
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