For those of you who end up breaking up.....

[tatanya4me]

Would you like your ex to end it decisively then and there and cut off the hope, or tell you that they need space and can work on things a few months to a year down the road?

[IMAbadman]

Cut it off decisively.

 

Most of us are here because we still burn the candle of hope.

[tatanya4me]

Cut it off decisively. Most of us are here because we still burn the candle of hope.

 

Hope is what keeps us going.

[a_lifters_life]

Cut it off decisively.

 

I'd rather that, then people playing retarded games with the "I need some space", its just a chicken way to back out of a relationship without actually saying it initially. In the end, the other gets *****ed over.

[tatanya4me]

Are you saying they never come back to "work on things"?

[xXPusHedAsiDeXx]

I would rather know then and there whether it was over or not. I don't like things being dragged on for a while.

[Meatyka]

Are you saying they never come back to "work on things"?

 

Not all the time no, but you do get a few who will want to ge tback together.

 

Either way they caused you alot of pain and it aint worth waiting up for them.

[pinkelephant]

cut it off there and then.

 

 

god, my recent ex did the round about thing and it just pissed me off.

first it was the distance became too much, then it was because i didn't gave him enough of my time, then i don't party enough ( i know haha!!!) then it's because he doesn't like my bestfriend.

 

 

i told him to screw himself.

i would've been his friend. he was a good bf/good guy. but his breaking up with me like that was lame and made me really mad. he wanted be back and then he didn't. etc. it could've been a much sweeter break up.

 

slip me a note for christ sake if it's so hard for you. but be firm and truthful.

[BetterKarma]

Just end it. There's no need to give false hope. It's cruel and selfish.

[ImThatGirl]

Cut it off decisively...

 

A year and a half spent dangling by a string off and on due to my ex's inability to leave me alone and stick to it.

 

Bleh! I'm so glad I stopped accepting that..

[tatanya4me]

I'mThatGirl, what made you finally decide to cut ties with your ex?

 

For the other posters, sometimes when people break up, they truly DO have the intention of coming back down the road. Maybe they can't handle the ex's possessiveness, depression, clinginess, etc. and hope they shape up in the time given.

[Purple1]

If you want to break up with someone, you break up. If you aren't happy with someone end it. Cut it off completely. I think the "hope" part comes from wondering if no one else comes along then go back to the ex. Dragging out a break up is a bad idea

[riley123]

For the other posters, sometimes when people break up, they truly DO have the intention of coming back down the road. Maybe they can't handle the ex's possessiveness, depression, clinginess, etc. and hope they shape up in the time given.

 

Did you or are you breaking up with your SO? Or vice versa?

[IMAbadman]

Hope is what keeps us going.

 

Yes, I carry hope in my heart. I do love my EX and I know she loves me.

 

But I’m also a realist. I won’t put my life on hold and hide at home waiting on her call to say she wants me back. I’ve got to let go and move on. There’s nothing wrong with a little hope. Just so long as your hope does not become a delusion.

[Maverick32x]

Cut it off decisively.

 

as one of the first posters said.. thats what most of us are here for.. because someone wants to have their cake and eat it too.. and we're holding onto that last string of hope... even if its not true, and you think there is a future.. just let them go... or.. if you think there is a future and you want to be with them.. why break up?

[shes2smart]

Put down another vote for a clean, final break. It gives one incentive to move on and rebuild one's life.

 

If, at some point in the future, a reconciliation does come up, it's a (pleasant?) surprise and can be objectively evaluated on its own merits. If you've moved on/rebuilt as if things were permanently over, you're also probably in a much stronger position and better able to evaluate what would be best for you than if you've been hanging on and hoping s/he'd come back. If a reconciliation never comes up, you've (presumably) healed up, rebuilt, and moved on since there was a clean & final break. Win-win either way, IMO.

 

Put another way, you cannot simultaneously hold on and let go. One or the other, if only for your own peace of mind.

[britt92084]

my bf and I were only broken up for about two weeks, but he broke up with me. and me, being brokenhearted, asked if we could still be friends and talk. and we were in a long distance relationship, so talkin once a day still felt like we were together.

 

so finally, after the first week, I decided NC was the only way to go. I told him strait up 'if you are for real bout this, then I am going to not be able to talk to you anymore because its too hard' I think that scared him because he said he wasnt sure, and needed a few more days to think. when I went to see him after the second week (well more my friends, but I ended up seeing him) he begged me to come back and taht he made a mistake.

 

stickin out on hope is comforting for the person at first, but you are gonna have to make a decision on whether or not you want to continue to be led on. you have to take a stand eventually.

 

I, honestly, was shocked that I took the NC Step because I really was devastated over the breakup. and I was also shocked he was having second thoughts. so you never know what mite happen.

[raffi_FL]

Another vote for cut it off. I think that when a person loses interest to be in a relationship with someone it generally doesn't come back. It hurts to be the one waiting and wishing for nothing. It does depend on the circumstances of the break up and whether the dumper did lose their desire/love.

[greensleeves]

Cut it off decisively. The "I need time and space thing" is bs. In some cases they may come back....my ex said he needed time and space, blah, blah, blah. I was devastated. Now five months later he's emailing me and telling me he misses me, misses my smile etc. I have no idea what it means. I suspect that his ego just wants to find out if he COULD have me back if he wanted me, and that's what alot of exes do. He can f off.

 

I don't want to be with someone who needs several months to figure out if they want to be with me...they need to know without any doubts in their mind. I think when someone is undecided like that, even if they come back chances are they'll do it again. Who needs that?

[ImThatGirl]

I'mThatGirl, what made you finally decide to cut ties with your ex?

 

For the other posters, sometimes when people break up, they truly DO have the intention of coming back down the road. Maybe they can't handle the ex's possessiveness, depression, clinginess, etc. and hope they shape up in the time given.

 

I felt as though he was ultimately disrespectful, inconsiderate, completely selfish after awhile. I could only make excuses for him for so long. Then I realized how ridiculous I was being. Went through the breaks, talks, getting back together, him not wanting me to move on, etc. for eh... a year or so.

 

The signs were always there. Maybe he loved me - I'll never know. But his actions spoke louder than his words. Over and over he proved to me that he wasn't the one for me and he'd never meet my expectations (of being respectful and considerate - not difficult.)

 

In January, I asked him once and for all, what his intentions were. His response: "I don't know but I know I don't want a relationship!" It finally struck a chord and I realized I'd been in love with an idea more than him. I also knew that he'd be having a female roommate that I wasn't fond of come spring. (Since I refused his earlier offer to live with him.... according to him.) It was more than I was willing to settle for. More than I was willing to deal with...

[ImThatGirl]

Cut it off decisively. The "I need time and space thing" is bs. In some cases they may come back....my ex said he needed time and space, blah, blah, blah. I was devastated. Now five months later he's emailing me and telling me he misses me, misses my smile etc. I have no idea what it means. I suspect that his ego just wants to find out if he COULD have me back if he wanted me, and that's what alot of exes do. He can f off.

 

I don't want to be with someone who needs several months to figure out if they want to be with me...they need to know without any doubts in their mind. I think when someone is undecided like that, even if they come back chance are they'll do it again. Who needs that?

 

Agree 100%

[D_Lish]

And do you imagine for one second, that if things didnt work out a first time, they will a second, third or fourth???.....it breaks and is broken, for a reason! If things don't work out a first time around, they rarely do a second time around....I say rarely, because there probably is a small percentage of people do get back together, because they have been genuinely in love with one another, been willing to talk and work at the relationship.

 

And an ex who asks for space, is a cop out of the relationship IMO. They run, rather than work things thru! Do you want to end up with a partner, that runs at the first sign of trouble? And if they asked for space to test the waters elsewhere, nobody who truly loves you, would want to test the waters elsewhere in hopes of finding something better!

[greensleeves]

And an ex who asks for space, is a cop out of the relationship IMO. They run, rather than work things thru! Do you want to end up with a partner, that runs at the first sign of trouble? And if they asked for space to test the waters elsewhere, nobody who truly loves you, would want to test the waters elsewhere in hopes of finding something better!

 

Exactly!!!!

[D_Lish]

i don't want to be with someone who needs several months to figure out if they want to be with me...they need to know without any doubts in their mind. I think when someone is undecided like that, even if they come back chance are they'll do it again. Who needs that?

 

well said!

[tatanya4me]

Did you or are you breaking up with your SO? Or vice versa?

 

Hypothetcal vice-versa. Hypothetically, not saying I will not move on, I will. I will go out, meet new people, date, maybe even meet a new bf (if that's in the cards), but having this bit of hope is what makes it worth it, especially if other things fall apart. For example, you go out, meet new people but friends don't materialize from it, date but no relationships materialize from it. At least there is this to look forward to. If you get what I mean.