Getting back together after 3 years?

[insecurefool]

Hello,

 

I posted here a while back, and unfortunately the relationship I had asked about then has completely dissolved. She moved out and now I'm all alone. I'm sad but also having weird thoughts. I dated my most recent girlfriend for about 3 years, and the other girl for about 3 years before her. Well the "other girl" I have and always have had thoughts about her. There have even been unfortunate nights where I have "drunk texted/dialed" her but I never talked to her because I didn't want to sabotage my current (now ended relationship.) I did have one particularly damning conversation towards the end of this most recent relationship where I told my previous ex that I loved her. When she found out I was dating someone (which I essentially wasn't) she hung up.

 

Long story short, I really want to talk to this previous ex again, but don't know how to go about it in a reasonable manner (such as not in the middle of night when intoxicated.) I just feel like I never really got over her so I don't know if there is another way to reach closure or if I should contact her.

 

Thanks for your help everyone.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Are you sure that you want her or are you just feeling lonely now that you are no longer in a relationship and are hoping to launch into a new relationship quickly so that you don't have to be alone? Please think carefully of your real motivation for wanting to contact her. Why did that relationship end..who broke up with whom...have you learned any valuable lessons since then that would make the second time around better than the first time? Take some time to think before contacting her. Do you know if she is even single?

[IMAbadman]

I agree with Crazyaboutdogs. That's your first step.

 

Once you cover that ground maybe you should try calling this EX, at a reasonable time of course, and first apologize for your past drunken actions. Then... invite her to a simple meeting/date. Drinks, coffee, whatever... see what happens. Treat it like a new woman you just met and build the attraction.

 

Good luck.

[insecurefool]

Thanks for the feedback guys. Just for a little more info, it was me who broke it off after she went away to college. I followed a year later to the same school (not because of her necessarily) but she had already decided the place wasn't for her. Needless to say at the time she showed a lot of remorse over breaking up and wanted to get back together (but I was already getting serious with the new girl.) So yea, I think I'll give it a few days and call her up. You think like a week or so? Another variable is that she lives accross the state (~300 miles) and it will be quite a big deal in that sense. I just really want to see her, it's not even necessarily like I want to be with her I just want to see her again.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Thanks for the feedback guys. Just for a little more info, it was me who broke it off after she went away to college. I followed a year later to the same school (not because of her necessarily) but she had already decided the place wasn't for her. Needless to say at the time she showed a lot of remorse over breaking up and wanted to get back together (but I was already getting serious with the new girl.) So yea, I think I'll give it a few days and call her up. You think like a week or so? Another variable is that she lives accross the state (~300 miles) and it will be quite a big deal in that sense. I just really want to see her, it's not even necessarily like I want to be with her I just want to see her again.

 

You broke it off with her after she went away to college..then when you were at the same college she wanted to get back together but you weren't interested. Now you say that you want to see her but don't necessarily want to be with her. So I have to ask why you would put her through more heartache if you are still ambivalent about her. Are you feeling lonely now that you no longer have a girlfriend and thereforee need the ego boost of hoping this other person is still pining for you? I think your motivation for wanting to re-connect with her is not very noble and is, in fact, rather selfish. You really hurt her and now you want to open up her old wounds just because you feel at loose ends. That is not fair. If you don't want to re-build a relationship with her then leave her alone.

[insecurefool]

Well, she had called it off before (2 times) it was more mutual when she went away to college I guess. So I didn't "crush" her, she just didn't think we were right together but then had second thoughts later on (like 1 year later.)