Anyone feel like dating is like walking on eggshells?

[lady00]

You know, this thread has taken an interesting turn. I didn't quite expect it when I started this. I am a bit surprised by some of the responses...it seems like a lot of people are saying to use common sense, don't over-share and don't be a jerk. OK, I get that. But it really doesn't seem that simple to me. It seems like there are a lot of subtle difficult to master dating skills that the most successful people either have or don't have but for some reason they meet people who don't care. I'm not talking about being respectful or putting your best foot forward--that's a given. I'm talking about subtle things knowing when to call, knowing how much interest to show (and this can even come down to body language, tone) etc. I don't know if I'm making sense. It seems like people are using polar opposites to make some of their points--I get that--but I'm more worried about the more subtle gray area stuff that seems difficult to maneuver to me. I wish I could think of better examples as this probably isn't making much sense. I'll post again if I come up with a better way to express myself!

[renaissancewoman101]

Lady00, I understand what you are saying about the subtle "grey areas". We can watch what we say and do, but sometimes our body language gives us away, esp if we are into someone. And the phone calling, that's always a delicate situation, kind of like "do we call, don't we call, if they don't call in three days what's going on, etc".

 

Dating is very tricky and needs expertise, especially with guys you meet online. If it's someone a friend sets you up with, or you know from shared activities, then it's less fraught with danger.

[madmarten]

Lady00, I understand what you are saying about the subtle "grey areas". We can watch what we say and do, but sometimes our body language gives us away, esp if we are into someone. And the phone calling, that's always a delicate situation, kind of like "do we call, don't we call, if they don't call in three days what's going on, etc".

 

Dating is very tricky and needs expertise, especially with guys you meet online. If it's someone a friend sets you up with, or you know from shared activities, then it's less fraught with danger.

 

I would say that meeting the right person is harder than actual dating per se. Adhere to some basic principles of dating, as well as good old fashioned kindness, respect and courtesy (which are in short supply these days), and you will be fine most of the time.

[Batya33]

I really like Jadedstar's point that people are confusing "being yourself" with "letting it all hang out." If I let it all hang out with a near stranger I would not be being myself. If letting it all hang out on the first date is your style, then I also agree with JS that perhaps that's something to work on, as that is often a turn off to well adjusted people (but a turn on to those who want something co-dependent)

[ycmanvs]

Ok, now I understand what you are saying about dating, but that is still not "walking on egg shells" because that would imply that you fear that you are doing something wrong. There is no wrong or right. If you feel like you really like someone, you let them know. You call them or email them and you leave a message. If they call back, then they are also interested, if they do not, then you swallow your pride and you move on.

If you are someone that likes to talk on the phone all the time, you will probably end up with someone who also enjoys this activity or who is at least willing to put up with it because they like you.

Gray areas are hard to navigate but not impossible. You have to be somewhat direct and actually tell the other person how you feel and hope that they will do the same. If you like their company, you tell them, if you want to see them again, you make that clear as well.

I try to let people know exactly how I feel and it usually works. When it does not, it is because the other person is not being direct or is conflicted. Those types of people are not necessarily good matches for me, so this works as a selection process as well.

[ConfusedDater]

Always being so careful not to say the wrong thing, the clingy thing, the insecure thing, being careful not to say anything that may imply you want or expect too much too soon? Does anyone else feel like dating is like walking in eggshells and yet find it hard to imagine that everyone who is in a successful relationship had to go through that phase and navigate the pitfalls and never say or do the wrong thing? Sometimes, it can get exhausting just worrying about it all! Being single just seems so much easier and more fun!

 

That's why when I had to nake a choice between Watching a New DVD release with some fried Jumbo Shrimp and French Fries in my air conditioned bedroom or going on a date and not know what's going to happen, I chose the DVD. More Fun and Less Stressful