First Date Advice

[Clarity]

I'm not giving it - I'm asking for it!

 

I'm going on a first date tomorrow, my first "first date" in about 8 years! (yikes) I met this girl online and I'm very interested thus far: she's very attractive in her pictures, we get along well chatting online, and she just seems to be a nice, down-to-earth kind of girl. We've decided to play the date by ear and either go to the driving range (golf) or play some pool and see what happens after that.

 

This will be my 2nd "first date" ever, haha, so needless to say I'm inexperienced for my age and could use some pointers. I'm not extremely nervous, I don't have super-high expectations (I'm sure most have several failures before successes), but still, I'd like to hear from everyone (ladies and gents alike):

 

If there was a single piece of advice for a first date that you could share, what would it be?

 

Thanks and wish me luck!

[keanefanatic]

A main piece of advice from me would be to keep to light topics e.g music, movies, sports, nothing too heavy

 

and don't be too forward with "physical contact".

 

Have fun and good luck!

[clean_slate]

Just be yourself. I know that's cliche, but it's also true. Don't try to be something you're not, because most people can see through that in an instant. You'll either connect with this girl or you won't. Even if you were to put a great act on for months in a row and totally win her over and make her "fall" for you, eventually the act will end and the real you will emerge. I know I'm waaayy ahead of myself. I'm just giving you my perspective, given the situation I'm in with my girlfriend. It seems like she put on an act, so to speak, and it hurts like hell. The "real" her isn't as wonderful as I had thought. :sad:

[BetterKarma]

What are you planning on doing?

[Batya33]

If this is the first time you're meeting her I would definitely go with the lighthearted topics (great advice!) and I would do something before the date that is calming - even if it means deep breathing. I say that because when I get nervous, I get chatty which isn't the greatest thing for a first date.

 

And this is corny - but as i walked over to meet the person - literally at the place - I had a mantra running through my head of "you are beautiful and graceful." I didn't feel that I was either, in real life - I can be pretty darn klutzy especially when I am nervous! - but it reminded me again that it was half of his obligation to keep the conversation going, that I was a good person whether or not things clicked, etc.

 

(you may not want to use "beautiful" lol)

[Clarity]

What are you planning on doing?

 

"We've decided to play the date by ear and either go to the driving range (golf) or play some pool and see what happens after that."

[ghost69]

go and be yourself. there is no need to be nervous. people that get nervous think 'oh gosh, i hope they like me.' well, guess what, they are on the date to see if they DO like you. all you can do is display yourself. same for them. you are going to find out who they are. maybe you won't like them. but it's a date, it should be fun.

[Clarity]

Well, I'm back from the date, and I think it went well. I have no idea if it actually did or whether there will be a 2nd date, but I feel like I was myself, I had a good time, it seemed that she did too, and I'm happy with that much at this point.

 

After the date, I have no strong feeling about whether she liked me and if there will be a 2nd date. I'm definitely interested in her - she's attractive, cute, funny, and down to earth.

 

Positives

- we played the date by ear, deciding on our next activity after the current one was finished, so she really could have bailed at any time almost and she didn't until she really had to get home to get to bed (working early)(we went to the driving range, played minigolf after on her suggestion, got ice cream, then went for a walk in the park, and the walk in the park we did like 3 laps of the park, with her kind of leading it)

- she laughed at my jokes

- she talked candidly about why and how she got into online dating

- i was driving, and she felt comfortable enough to sing along to the radio in the car, it was cute

- in general, she seemed to be having a good time

 

Possible Negatives

- we just hugged at the end of the date, although, admittedly I did not make a move at all to kiss her at the end, so I can't really expect more

- there was little, if no touching during the date. Again though, I did a poor job of initiating - I'm a shy guy with probably almost too much respect for a woman's space - if there's a second date, i will try better to create some contact, lol.

 

So, from those things, I have a slightly positive feeling, but I also wouldn't be surprised if I get blown off for a 2nd date (maybe that's just me insulating myself from a possible rejection?). From those signs, am I misreading the situation?

 

Also, if there's any advice for contacting her (when and how), it's appreciated. Before the date, we IM'd a bit, but today I called her up before the date to arrange thing - stick the phone? or txt her? or msn her? I'm kinda busy in the next few days, but I don't want to leave her hanging, what's the best time and way to just say "hey, what's up? had a good time, etc.".

 

Thanks in advance! In any event, my first date since my breakup (which ENA helped me heal from) is now in the books and I'm happy with how it went

[Clarity]

Anyone have some insight?

[ghost69]

sounds like it was okay. those negatives can be changed on another date. you will only get a 2nd date if you make a move. today, i would text something along the lines: 'hi. i had a great time last night.' maybe stick something in there about how she made you laugh or something you said that made her laugh. and after that put 'we should do it again some time.' see what she replies.

[Clarity]

I sent something like this:

 

"hey ****, just finished work, heading out for a run. i had a good time last night. lots of girls sing along to the radio - but now I know one that sounds good doing it! hope work went ok, take care."

 

Sound okay? It's the day after our date, in the evening. Basically 24 hrs after.

[Clarity]

Well, no response tonight (I sent it at about 6pm). There's a chance she didn't get it yet or she was busy, but I'm not keeping my hopes up.

 

Either way, if I haven't heard from her by tomorrow evening, I'll give her a call and see what's up - only way to find out for sure.

[ghost69]

I sent something like this:

 

"hey ****, just finished work, heading out for a run. i had a good time last night. lots of girls sing along to the radio - but now I know one that sounds good doing it! hope work went ok, take care."

 

Sound okay? It's the day after our date, in the evening. Basically 24 hrs after.

 

i would have left the bold out myself. but it's all good. wait it out a couple more days. hit her up friday afternoon. give a call.

[Clarity]

Well, a call tonight confirmed my suspicions - she's not interested. Ah well. I can't say I'm not disappointed but I am glad that she handled it in a decent way and I had a soft re-entry into the world of dating. I definitely feel a little bit more confident after this experience and hopefully this is just the first of many dates.

[Ocean of Blue]

Dude - you have to pace yourself.

 

You kept your date too long and you texting her right away was a bit of a mistake.

 

First date should not last more than 45 min and you should end it. Call her 3 - 5 days later and ask her out again.

 

Also you ar not supposed to kiss the girl on the 1st date (unless she kisses you) Go for the kiss on the 2nd date !

[Ocean of Blue]

I recommend two books that have some good advice:

 

Doc Love's the System & Carlos Xuma Dating Blackbook.

 

Some of the advice (the pace of the relationship) is good. Other like the mind playing I recommend that you disregard. But you will get a feel of the way you should handle dating.

[Clarity]

Dude - you have to pace yourself.

 

You kept your date too long and you texting her right away was a bit of a mistake.

 

First date should not last more than 45 min and you should end it. Call her 3 - 5 days later and ask her out again.

 

Also you ar not supposed to kiss the girl on the 1st date (unless she kisses you) Go for the kiss on the 2nd date !

 

Sorry, but I'm a bit past the age/maturity of that kind of game playing. Call me naive, but I subscribe to "be yourself, and if they like you, they like you, if not, move on". We just didn't click, apparently. I have very little doubt that keeping the date shorter, or contacting her later would not have changed that - if she had a good time, she would have had a positive response to me contacting her, it's that simple. I mean, think about it - if adhering to these rules of waiting a certain time to contact, etc. is what makes the difference between a girl continuing to date you and not - is that really a relationship you want to be working on?!