I have no idea what is up here...is she for real??

[Brando711]

So Ive been "talking" with this girl for about a month and a half now and things seem to be going fine. A few weeks ago we were chilling in her car and I had to be open so i asked her what she thought of "us". She told me shes not really looking for a boyfriend but shes really into me and not looking at anybody else. Since then we've hung out alot more, basically on a daily basis, but much of the time is not alone time. Recently we were hanging out and she explained to me about her ex from a year or so ago. She says that she doesn't know if she can feel what she felt for him for anyone else again. She compares all her boyfriends since him to him and the emotional attraction just is never as intense. But, she also explained that she broke it off with him because their relationship was dwindling at the end. She explained that she open up to people by telling them about her past, ex's, family issues, etc. It seems shes been very open with me, and she says she needs someone who can be totaly open with her. She could listen to your life story and then want to know even more. Were also very similar in personality, were both nerds at heart (not like most of her ex's except that one). All signs tell me that shes diggin me, but I dont know how to judge it that well (this is my first "dating" experience).

The other part of my confusion comes from how she acts physically. Though I feel a strong emotional bond, it is not reflected by how I would expect this person to show it. From background information I know about her, I would expect to be more physcially intimate with her, but Its taken a kind of standstill at kissing. Sometimes passionate kissing, but not for very long periods of time, and its still just kissing. I mean I really like this girl so I could be content just holding her in my arms and playing with her hair all night, but I feel like im progressing through this "developing relationship" at a snail's pace.

I guess my question is what does anyone think about this situation?

[DN]

I think she is essentially saying that she likes your company and talking to you but she isn't over her ex and has no real intention of having a relationship with you.

 

I think you should move on and find someone emotionally available.

[Lana0120]

She's not ready to enter into another relationship, but is getting some of the benefits you'd get by being in a relationship, by spending her time with you. I'd be wary with someone like this.

[pinkelephant]

i agree with the 2 previous posters.

[Haven]

She's not ready to enter into another relationship, but is getting some of the benefits you'd get by being in a relationship, by spending her time with you. I'd be wary with someone like this.

 

I agree with this. I had a friend who wasn't over her ex, met a new guy, and attached herself to him. She knew he liked her a lot, and used to that to gain all the benefits of having a boyfriend, without actually having to become official with him. (Yes, she used those lines like "I really like you", "I'm not into anyone else", "I'm not over my ex", "I need someone I can talk to and be open with", etc.) They would talk a lot, kissed, cuddled, etc - basically hung out every day.

 

He realized, after asking her 7 times over several months and getting rejected every single time, that she was not actually interested in a relationship.

[Rabican]

Two ways to look at this one.

 

1. Shes not ready for a boyfriend, and as such you should move on because... why waste your time.

 

2. If you generally enjoy her companionship/friendship/whatever.... then just realize that its NOT going to progress farther than whatever you have together now, and just enjoy what you have. At the very least you will learn something from this 'dating experience'. Just dont let your heart get too attached because you already know its not leading to a real commitment at least not unless she changes her mind.