How long does "time and space" last??

[giggle3474]

I mean I know that it depends on the individual. But just in general, would you think two weeks is enough for a person to decide whether or not they want to be in a relationship? I don't plan on pressuring him to decide or come back but I want to know if I am being reasonable in talking to him about what I have learned from our relationship and from our break and then letting him know that it is my intention to reconcile. One of the things I plan on telling him is that he can ultimatley determine at what pace our relationship goes. If spending a lot of time together makes him feel suffocated then we will spend less time together and so on. Actually if we can get back together, I will let him decide when he wants to see me... and then I won't be available ALL those times. Then hopefully he will want to see me more and more as we progress.

 

I just don't know where to go from here.

[kaoticbaby]

i guess it's up to the person who "wanted space" to begin with, but in my opinion, the "wanting space" excuse is just a cop-out for someone who wants to let their partner down easily.

 

it's reasonable to want to know where you stand, but don't expect him to give you any answers. if anything, contacting him before he's ready to contact you might push him away even further.

 

and if you do happen to get back together, i don't think you should make all the decisions about when he wants to see you. it's a two-way street, this thing we call love.

[ghost69]

i usually wait a month to bring stuff like that up.

[Batya33]

I think at minimum a month. When I asked for space it was definitely not an excuse to break up. I don't think it's legitimate for the "asker" to need space plus the freedom to keep his options open- date others or be open to it. In that case I would consider it a breakup.

[Rabican]

I think if he has a legitimage reason to ask for space then you give him whatever time YOU feel comfortable with. If you dont mind waiting around for a week, then thats fine. If you dont mind waiting around for 6 months, then thats fine.

Just as he can expect you to be fair and give him some space, he should also realize that you shouldnt be expected to wait forever. Wait as long as you are comfortable, and if he still hasnt come around then contact him and say hey, I love you but I need to get an idea of whats going on. I cant wait in limbo anymore.

 

 

That said, I think the most important thing here, is that his space, or time is time spent ALONE. If hes talking to other girls, or looking for other options, then I would make him aware of the fact that his time has run out, and he has been kicked to the curb.

 

Ask him once what his intentions are regarding the 'space'. As long as it doesnt involve 'do I want to date you, or my hot brunette neighbor'... then you are in good shape.

[Batya33]

Just to clarify - I don't think he has to spend time alone - I think he should carry on with seeing his friends - whether male or female and do all the activities he likes to do - just, no dating or looking to date.

[Rabican]

Just to clarify - I don't think he has to spend time alone - I think he should carry on with seeing his friends - whether male or female and do all the activities he likes to do - just, no dating or looking to date.

 

Thats what I meant... not alone like the unibomber hanging out in a shack in the woods... I just meant alone like not with another girlfriend.

 

I want space = ok

 

I want space so I can sleep with one of my female friends = cheating, he just doesnt have the cahones to say it.

[chloe1981]

It really is a individual thing..however just because you miss him like crazy now..dont make that a reason to just do whatever HE wants.

 

You say you will go at HIS pace making HIM feel comfortable...just make sure that is what you want as well.

Giving your all to someone and making it all about what they want can often leave you feel even worse than being single and missing them.