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Four Family Members Lost in a Year..

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In early 2003 my grandpa's brother{my uncle}passed away. A couple months later his mom{my great grandma} joined her son. During the summer my grandpa's sister started getting sick. The doctors tried to help her but by the time she went it was too late. She had cancer growths in her throat and couldn't eat. She also, passed. A couple days ago my grandma{my grandpa's wife} also passed away on Dec 30th, 2003. This has been very hard for my whole family but mainly my grandpa. He's lost just about all his siblings and the one person that he did indeed vow to spend his life with. My dad and mom are taking it all alot better than i thought they would. My grandma had been sick for many months and they believe that it was her time and she was better off. At the same time, i feel guilty because i prayed for her to stay with us till christmas, which she did. I've been wanting to tell my parents about it but i'm afraid to. Everyone keeps telling me to comfort them too, but i'm not really sure how? I've spent the last couple days cleaning the house and making sure things that needed done, got done. Yet they still tell me to do things. I'm not sure if i should take this as them just being nervous about the situation and finding ways to deal with it or what. I've been depending alot on my bf to help me through this since i have to help my parents and grandpa, but i'm afraid to put too much on him.

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I'm so sorry to hear that you lost 4 family members last year. I lost my grandmother to colon cancer, too last year. I hope you take it easy. I know it's hard for you, because it was pretty hard on me with only losing one person.


I know how you're feeling, which is four time worse than me. You can PM if you like to talk since we're in the same situation. I don't really know how to make your parents feel better because it was my parents who put up a bold front for me to recover.


Anyway I wish you good luck and don't be so sad.

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You've had a very tough year. No doubt you're still in some way grieving the fact that so many are now lost to you. Let these feelings continue until you are able to find come form of closure. You are certainly not over the loss of your grandma yet.


Of course you shouldn't blame yourself for praying for her to stay with you. You never wanted her to, or anybody else to suffer, I will make a fairly safe bet that you asked for that at the same time. Think of it this way, at least Christmas 2003 was not the first one without grandma. It was the last one you were able to cherish with her. Find some special memories of this season, when she was still with you, tuck it away inside you in a special place and know that it is with you always.


It is often easier for people to deal with loss such as this when it is more of an expected thing rather than a complete surprise. This may very well be why your parents are taking it better than you expected. Just because they are is no reason for you not to express your hurt, loss and grief over it to them. Unburden yourself and tell them that you prayed for your grandma in her last days. Discharge what you interpret as guilt and allow yourself to move past that part of it. Although they may not seem badly affected, I'm sure that them asking you to do things is a way they're dealing with it. Perhaps they're trying to keep you busy as they suspect you are badly affected and think it's best you are occupied. But do remember they are your parents. If you have any doubts, or question, please ask them.


Put what you feel comfortable with on your boyfriend. He is not suffering from the same personal loss you are, so he can more easily be supportive of you than many others might. Even if you just need to have him hold you when you're sad, let him do that. He'll understand. It's a guy thing to some extent. You'll trigger his protective instinct, and he will be very supportive and compassionate as a result.

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