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Unsure of how I should ask her.


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Well right now I’m having a reclusive loner period and I’ve had trouble meeting people and making friends etc. I kinda made a new(consort/friend/don’t know how I’d classify it) but I’ve met up with her a few times, we text and talk on the internet. We were naturally in contact quite often we both use the internet a lot and send messages and so on. The thing is I really like her and want to try my luck by asking her out. She’s really nice and we have similar interests and mindset and that kind of thing.


I wasn’t sure how I’d approach it and didn’t want to ask outright for a date or anything, I just told her I wanted to meet up with her and get to know her better. She seemed very willing and I figured I’d take it from there. Only the day before she canceled saying she was called in to work (it wasn’t a lie or anything) but she said she still wanted to see me. The thing is what she arranged was for me to join her and her friends so it wasn’t what we had planned. And since then (about a week) our contact has been alot slower and I noticed I was doing most the ‘chasing’ she was in touch too but it just seemed down to me to say hi, how was your day? First.


I want to spend time with her alone and I’d like to at some point be honest about how I feel. But I’m not sure if I should leave it a few days and see if she gets in touch so I know she has some interest in me because I don’t want to bug her and come accross as needy/clingy. I’m unsure whether to ask outright for a date and show my feelings or take it slowly. We were talking about relationships once and she said she took things really slow so maybe being too forward would scare her off, I can’t tell if she’s shy (she’s quite lively and outgoing it just doesn’t seem like she likes being direct).


I just don’t know what my next move should be, I don’t have anyone I feel comfortable talking about this to and I read this site from time to time so I thought I’d ask here and see what people think, thanks for reading and thanks in advance for any replies.

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She's been asking you to hang out so she must like you to some degree. Whether she wants to date you or not you won't know until you ask. So my advice is to ask her out on a date. Stop being wishy washy about it and be assertive, make a plan with a place, date and time in mind and ask her. If she agrees, then awesome! If she says the day isn't good tell her no problem, she can get back to you with a better time for her. Leave it in her court, then she will have to act if she's interested in you.

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I guess ill start by saying something that probably wont help you but should be said. I can relate to having the whole trouble with being a loner as well. So i see u meet this new girl and you get along well and then u want more. I dont think its a bad idea but what im concern with is that you dont seem to have anyone else that your able to share the same type of things in a typical relationship that your looking for now. So if you do find a girl it can become basically like your only relationship and because of the difficulties of a relationship can cause alot of stress and on your part a kinda dependency on this one person. I would just say if you do get in a relationship that you continue to look for other people and continue to pursue other peoples company. You dont want this relationship to become something where its all you really have. I went thru that and it took so much time for me to recover from it so hopefully you already know that but just making sure. I would agree with what the person said above me. I dont really know what else you could really do.

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Thanks for the replies I guess all I can do is be straight then. My main concern is this almost vertical drop in contact she hasn't text me for a while and whenever she's online in messenger she has her status on busy(why log on to it just to appear as busy?). But a few weeks ago she'd go out her way to talk to me. I'm not sure if it's my imagination or somethings changed and she doesn't want to talk to me. I don't know if it's a hint or me over reading things.


I guess I have nothing to lose by asking but I'm getting bad vibes about this. And yeah Mr Me I want as many friends as I can make cause I know what you're saying and right now is a huge reminder not to rely on one person to make you happy. Thanks for the concern cause it's very easy trap to fall into. I just need to get a strong mental state now to ask, cause I don't want this to hurt my confidence I've been building back up. But it's harder for me in practice.


Does anyone think all my worries are just in my head or is there a hint I should be taking?

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Thats the hardest part is that you never really know. Im glad that your able to see the good side is that you dont want to fall into that trap. I guess if anything you could just write again in this post and have us cheer u up again lol.

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Well I got to talk to her again. She told me she had some issue in her family or something and said she might make other people angry if she goes meeting people, I don't know what to make of that she said she'd get back to me, it's been almost a week. We still have the odd talk online she even said her problem is sorted and she was perfectly fine so I don't get it.


She doesn't respond to me much and doesn't seem to make as much effort as before, I'm losing hope in this she used to be enthusiastic about talking to me and meeting me now it's impossible. I know I should forget it but the thing that bothers me is the sudden change it's like someone turned a light off or something, I just never meet people I get along with and it always screws up. So unless she's playing hard to get or something I guess she doesn't care.

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