mfan Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 No - not because of me, honestly ^_^ I’m the type of person who likes to have just one or two close friendships, and give 100% to them. This feels right to me. I think I’ve always been like that, and usually it’s not a problem. But, if they move away, then as happy as I am for them that they are finding new happiness out there in the world, it’s also a crisis for me because I am suddenly alone. For some who makes friendships slowly and deeply, it is a hurtful thing to me. This happened twice in a row just now. My best friend of 6 years is moving to England (I’m in NYC). My other friend who, after a long time, I was getting close to, moved to Taiwan. To have a close friend who I can’t look at or be together with is unsatisfying and sad to me. I love NYC and I don’t want to move away from here. I would not leave this city in search of a better career, culture, or relationship. But my friends would. Even if I meet a girlfriend, she might want to move, too. That’s something I’d never think of doing, leave a relationship to move to another city and start a new life. (Do other people just have so much personal confidence that they think nothing of this? It seems to happen in other people’s relationships all the time.) What should I do? Do you think I should try to protect myself against this happening again by asking my future friends if they plan to move away anytime? I don’t want to act scarred and scared to the point of being neurotic. But this means a lot to me. I don’t want to end up in such a hurtful situation again. And if I write a personal ad, should I put “seeking someone who plans to live in NY for at least 10 years?” Or should I just forget it — maybe it was all just unlucky? Obviously the easy answer is “have more than 2 friends so if they move away it doesn’t make your life into such a problem”. But I don’t know if I can change like that. I feel emotional about this. My friends mean everything to me, I don’t want to meet new people when I feel so fond of the people I’m already friends with. I love my friends even though they are far from me, and now I have people to visit if I want to travel, but that’s not the same as being able to have fun with them whenever we want to. I’m alone now and that’s terrifying to realize. I appreciate your thoughts. Thank you. Link to comment
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