Looking for a NC buddy

[reelbigfish]

I have been having problems getting the NC thing going. It's not that I am badgering her - I just want to know how she's doing and I constantly worry about her.

 

Thus - I want to know if anyone is fixing to start NC as well and want to join me in my quest to get the process going and make it. I hope to find someone who wants to post on here or email or whatever and instead of us contacting our others - anytime we want to contact them we just write what we want to say or do and send it to each other instead of our ex's.

 

Hopefully this will be a way to get support as well as give support to someone else. I have a feeling it will be a good road to getting over this one for me and for whomever wants to start NC tomorrow ( Monday 7/13/08 ).

[heartbroken9]

I am on day 9 of NC but I will still be your NC buddy if you'd like. Ive been finding it hard to stay NC and would also like to do this with someone.....

[reelbigfish]

Sounds good to me - we can just use this forum unless you'd rather exchange emails. I just need some help getting through this as after about 4 days I tend to do something.

[heartbroken9]

ok..we can do it here..its been 2 months since my break up and ive had a hard time dealing with it. I was ok a couple days ago with no urge to call him and now im back where i started. The urges have come back and im depressed again. I miss him so much but there's absolutely nothing I can do it about it. He doesnt want to be with me and I cant force him. Im on day 9 of NC but this is the 3rd time I had to start all over again. I hope I stick to it. Today has been rough for me..All I feel like doing is crying. I want to call him but all he does is ignore me...

[reelbigfish]

We swore we'd never break up over the phone - and of course - we break up over the phone on June 16th - so it's been close to a month. She was my first love I have ever had and I've made it 3 or 4 days 2 or 3 times now but I keep doing something to contact her. I called her today and my NC will start tomorrow as Day 1. Believe it or not - Day 9 is impressive to me right now and I hope that in a week and a half - I am at Day 9. Stay strong.

[heartbroken9]

Thanx..He was my first love too..and one day he just told me he wasnt sure if he was in love with me anymore and that he didnt think we were meant to be forever. That hurt so much. The first month for me was super hard. I tried calling him/texting him/emailing him/ I wrote him letters, bought flowers..i did too much. He never answered me back and all he did was ignore me...He contacted me a month later and i thought he truly wanted to see me but i ended up being only a "booty call". (im so ashamed). I told him i didnt want to be friends with benefits and since then he hasnt contacted me. I keep looking at his webpage and I saw him talking to a bunch of girls and thats when it hit me that I HAD to do NC bc it was hurting me..I can do it for about a week and then I get supersad and weak again. I used to go 2 days and go crazy after not talking to him..now I can go a week and hopefully thats a sign im improving. N e wayz..I do believe we BOTH can do this and i'll always be on here to check and post with you until we get through this.. =)

[reelbigfish]

I will be on here quite often as well. It sounds like you were in somewhat the same situation. They said they loved us and then all of a sudden had a change of heart. Both were first loves. We both did stupid stuff for the first month that made us look weak and pitiful (because let's face it - we are/were).

 

It seems that the only time I can fight the urge to contact her is when I'm cruising through this forum. With the things that have happened I have also tried to make myself see that I am actually angry with her for doing this to me. It is weird how we love the people who can hurt us the most. If they loved us they wouldn't have hurt us like this and so I try and refocus my love into anger so that I will not want to contact her. That doesn't usually happen. Usually it works for a matter of milliseconds before I start thinking about all the good times and memories - but it has helped a little bit. I encourage you to try that as well - use ways he's hurt you to help yourself.

[heartbroken9]

I agree with you on everything you said. Its crazy how we can love someone who treats us this way. I do get angry with him. I get angry with him for letting me go so easily and not even wanting to try to make things work. I am mad at him for not loving me. But after a while the anger goes away and Im all sad again. Its hard. How can someone who once "loved" you do this to you?..I dont know..

 

He told me he wanted to find his soul mate..OUCH..that hurt to hear more than ever..

 

But as time goes on I realize that as much as i want to be with him, I cant keep chasing someone who doesn;t want to be with me. Its pointless and it only hurts me more.

 

Do you believe in being friends with an ex?

[heartbroken9]

im on day 10 of NC and its still really hard. I want to contact him and tell him I miss him but I know I shouldnt..

 

I deleted him from my webpage so I cant email him anymore. I would probably choose emailing over calling or texting. I regret deleting him, but I couldnt stand seeing him online and then getting the urge to look at his page all the time. I saw him comment a bunch of girls and that is what pushed me to delete him..i couldnt handle seeing that......he probably thinks Im immature for doing what i did and i know hes probably mad..but if figure if he really wants to talk to me he has my number and he knows where i live..

 

How are you doing today with NC reelbigfish?

[reelbigfish]

Hey

 

My work computer doesn't allow me to jump on here so I have to wait until I get home. It sucks. Today has been very difficult even though it's technically only day 1 (again). It is difficult just because my mind gets to wondering and I get so frustrated that she "loved" me so terribly much but now she doesn't even act like she misses me. I have yet in the month that it's been over to hear her be upset at all or even mention that she misses me. One of my favorite bars/restaurants I can not go to now because she is sort of seeing the bartender there. I get physically sick to my stomach to even picture her kissing another guy and it is much worse when you know what he looks like - throw the cherry on top that she met him while we were dating right in front of me. I just can't stand how she can go on as if we were never even an item and I want to call and just ask her how she can be that heartless. I also want to tell her I don't believe her when she says she needed space. That is an excuse to me saying she wants to try and spare my feelings - when all it does it make it much much worse. I'd rather her say that she met someone else and at least I'd know.

 

I have blocked her on AIM and I would delete her facebook from mine as I look at it constantly but I'm afraid she'll think I'm being immature and that I can't handle it. I did delete it two weeks ago but then I asked her to add me back last week. I also want her to see when I go somewhere as I'll be going to New Orleans, Bermuda, the Caribbean, Canada, China, and Mexico all in the next year or so and I want her to see what she is missing.

 

As far as being friends I do want to remain friends with her - she is a great person but right now I feel like I'm the only one that wants that. She says she does but in the last month she has initiated contact with me twice - and it was when she was bored at night with no one to talk to the first week after we broke up.

 

I need you to stay strong. You're at day 10 and your forging ahead. I have decided to split it up into segments and reward myself for making a certain number of days. Day 7 (1 week of course) I am going to get a guitar. Day 28 I am going to Bermuda, Day 45 or so I am going to New Orleans. Haven't planned much further yet but I think it may help me to set smaller goals like that as opposed to say ok - go 6 months without talking to her.

 

On a side note she specifically asked me not to send her the cards she wrote or anything like that back to her. I am seriously considering mailing one a week just to piss her off - and to make me happy. I think I have enough for about a year's long worth of crap constantly coming to her.

[heartbroken9]

I just got home from work and I was ok the first half of the day and then I night I just got so sad. I drove home crying. I miss him so much. When we were together he would also tell me how thankful he was to have me and now its like all that was a lie. How could you be so thankful to have me and then just leave me and tell me yuo dont love me anymore.

 

I hate this feeling. I feel so unwanted. I have no idea what my ex is doing. I cant stand looking at his myspace but I wish i never deleted him bc I do still want him a part of my life. Just not right now. Hopefully in the future he'll be able to add me back when i decide im ready to be friends. I feel so pathetic.

 

My ex has not shown me ANYTHING either. He doesnt call me. He makes no attempt to show that he misses me at all or even cares to keep me in his life, yet he was the one who said he wanted to me be friends after we broke up.

 

I cant stand the fact that he is with another girl. I dont know if he is but I have no idea what is going on with him anymore. I want to text him just say I miss him. But I cant do it because its probably not what he wants to hear. It sucks..I dont understand how love can just fade..it shouldnt..if it does then it never was love. Maybe im just bitter..

 

Your on day one and the beginning is hard..But as time goes by it gets harder..the urge becomes stronger..but DONT give in. After a while it WILL get easier. I guess you kind of get used to it and you realize that chasing after someone who isnt chasing after you isnt worth it.

 

WOW your going to all those place?! You must be rich! I wish I was going to all those place. But i have school to finish..Anyways..we BOTH have to get through this together ok? and i believe we will..

[reelbigfish]

I am going those places to help me get over this crap. I'm not rich by any means. I just have a lot of connections. Every time I get in the car I hear a sad love song about a break up on the radio and I just want to take a shotgun and shoot the radio. It seems like all these songs I have never heard before are being played over the radio to spite me.

 

You don't know what your ex is doing? I know exactly what mine is. She's dating a guy that she openly flirted with in front of me. She's out having fun going everywhere she wants to go without an ounce of pain. In a normal break up I imagine there is pain on both sides however in our break up it seems like I get to deal with all the pain - she gets to go do her own thing.

 

My consolation prize is I know that she didn't upgrade in guys. I'm a successful financial planner - he's a 30 year old bartender. I am an 8 out of 10 on a scale to 10 in looks and he is just shade under 4 (must be 250 - his back falls onto his thighs). I treated her like a queen (her words not mine - but it's true) and I'm not sure how he is but most guys don't treat their girls like queens. I also happen to know that when she starts studying for the MCAT and then going to med school there is only one guy on this planet that can handle her schedule and stress levels and that is me. Whoever she is with will run for the hills as she takes everything out on the guy that is in her life. I'm the only one she said that has actually felt helps her relieve her stress and doesn't make it worse. She also said she loved me and we'd always be together though.....

 

I hope you have made it through tonight - day 10 is almost complete for you and you are so close to making it two weeks which I feel is an excellent start to a long NC. It also feels like it's an eternity away....

[heartbroken9]

Im sorry for what you are going through. I dont know what my ex doing exactly. i check his webpage almost everyday. I see him comment girls and partying but I dont know if he is seeing anyone. I dont really want to know because knowing would only break my heart even more.

 

You don't deserve to be treated the way you have. How could she go tell you how much she loves you and then go off and see another guy during your relationship?..Someone like that deserves no respect. You were so good to her and for her to let you go the way she has, truly is her loss.

 

Like you, I am the one hurtiing more than my ex. It sucks to know that someone you once loved and still love can move on so quickly. Its like you meant nothing to them.

 

They say it helps to keep busy and thats true. Its still hard even when you are doing something because you'll always think about them no matter what, but its better than staying at home and doing nothing. That actually makes the feeling worse.

 

You'll get through this. You stay strong too and dont give in. You deserve someone who loves you just as much as you love them. Someone who could break your heart but what never dream of it. Im on day 10 and you'll get there too. It wont be easy..but you have to worry and take care of yourself. Dont let your happiness depend on someone else. They are not worth it.

[reelbigfish]

This is actually helping me cope more than expected. I am able to get on here and talk to a complete stranger and actually care about their situation because it is virtually the same as mine. I met up with a friend tonight who gave me his beginner guitar and I have started to try and learn guitar. I'm early on my promises but it has already helped me with getting my mind off her. Yes - I would love to learn "our song" and play it for her way down the road when she comes running back into my arms - but I know that is a small chance. I think it is possible to use this horrible experience that I would never wish on anyone and turn it into learning this new instrument - even if the original intent is/was for her benefit. That may not be a good thing - but in the end I'll know how to play hopefully which will help me move on. Here's to another day of hell...

[imsoalive]

Hey man, Im with ya..Ive been depressed lately because I made the mistake of going to the beach for the 4th w/ her family..BIG MISTAKE..

So Im ready when you are..just im'd you,

[Broken69]

It's been 2 weeks for me. Two hard weeks. I wake up every morning thinking I have to face another day w/o the man I love. Not talk to him, not email him, not laugh with him.

[jenna981]

On a side note she specifically asked me not to send her the cards she wrote or anything like that back to her. I am seriously considering mailing one a week just to piss her off - and to make me happy. I think I have enough for about a year's long worth of crap constantly coming to her.

 

Think I'm going to jump in here and join. That a funny thought sending cards back, I already sent back some emails my ex sent. It's been a few months since my breakup, towards the last couple of months of the relationship there was alot of arguing and I'm actually wondering now if he cooled off, maybe I should contact him to try things again.

 

The first month after the breakup I was emailing and calling asking all the questions..."you said you'd hold on to me forever once you got me" "you'd cherish me till your last breath" "you said you never loved someone so much or were so sure about someone"... and it goes on and on... I still don't get it. He never really answered all the questions, just said, "if I'm going to talk to him, talk to him as a friend from now on since "we" are no longer "together". How did he expect me to talk to him as just a friend when I still love him? He sure walked away like I was nothing to him in the end. He cried when actually breaking up with me, but after that he acted cold. He said I was the closest friend he ever had and didn't want to lose the friendship part. Maybe that was his way of dealing with it? It ended kinda open ended making me wonder if he still felt something or something else was going on, you know? It's hard moving on not having all the answers.

 

The only conclusion is he was just infatuated and wasn't really in love..and unfortunately he was my first bf and I fell for the whole thing and really did fall in love with him. It feels like I should be over him by now, but I feel like I just miss him more! It's so hard to resist calling or emailing, even though I know it most likely won't get me anywhere.

[imsoalive]

well mine is a little complex..I'm separated and its almost been a yr, and up until July 4th weekend, I was doing ok. Then the whoooole week she asked me to come to the beach w/ her family..which is what wwe've done since we've been together(7 yrs). The whoooole way there to the beach, in the back of mine there was this little voice saying, " DON'T GO!". I did anyway because I was like, "well Im only gonna stay for a few hrs, and come back..no biggie.." Yeah..it turned into the whole weekend..

 

And honestly, I think she just wanted me down there because her sisters, had their bf's and she didn't want to be left out. Our son was down there also, but I just kept him the whole week. Clearly I wasn't ready to be in that environment, and its obvious that she hasnt told her family ALL that she's done..not that its their business, but I know her and her gossiping *** sisters talk(I could tell by the way they received me).

 

SO..ever since we've gotten back, she's been acting funny. I read somewhere that when you dont care about your ex or whoever, or dont give attn to them, they come around and call/txt more..well she was doing this up until after that weekend..I think she was feeling me out to see how/where I was emotionally or something..

 

Now Im back to being depressed and feeling the way I was before the weekend..I dont like tat and wanna get back to where I was....SO..

 

NC day 1

[heartbroken9]

Jenna981, I completely know how you feel. I had all those questions and everything. He told me he "loved " me so much and he was "madly in love" and now all of sudden he just let me go, telling me he doesnt think he's in love anymore. Its the worst feeling in the world. He cried when he broke up with me..I thought it meant something in the beginning now I believe he only cried because the jerk felt bad.

 

I dont understand how love can just fade away that easily. And so I too think that it was just infatuation. But Infatuation for almost 2 years?? Gosh i hate trying to think abuot everything and analyzing it. Its too hard and makes me more sad. After our vreak up he cut me off too. He's cold and wont answer any of my calls/texts. He's the one who said he wanted to be friends and now he's completely cutting me off...

 

Its hard knowing I cant see him anymore and I might never see him again..

 

Im on Day 11 if NC..Its hard. I wake up in the morning still thinking about him and wishing i could see him later on in the day but its not like that anymore. I still have urges to contact them but I have to fight them..

 

ReelBigFish your on Day 2!! Let me know how day 2 goes for you and how you are doing..I'll be on later tonight.

[heartbroken9]

Day 11

 

Once again, today has not been easy. All I can think about his him. I miss him so incredibly much. I miss being with him..I want so bad to call him and just ask him to hang out but I cant. We're not together anymore, and so Im sitting at home all alone. I want him to call me for once, but he hasnt..=(

 

Its hard talking to my friends because it seems like they dont always know what to say or are just sick of listening to it..

 

Ive cried alot today...I have no motivation to do anything..

[reelbigfish]

Day 2 is pure excitement. She works in a lab that I found out had an outbreak of an infectious disease. Only 5 cases reported all year long. I know she didn't contract anything so I know she is ok but I also know she is getting a lot of heat even though she had nothing to do with this. I want to call and make sure she is ok because she I know through a mutual friend she is having a terrible day.

 

I have continued to try and push more of my being sad into being mad with her so that I can feel better and just say hey - she doesn't love me - why do I care about her so much?

 

I'm not sure if it is infatuation as much as it is the people we have been seeing are maybe just immature when it comes to relationships. I think maybe that sometimes they just want to go out and have a good time and not have to think about their decisions affecting someone else. At least that's the way I feel about what happened with me and my ex. I really think she is in a place where she wants to be free and wild and do whatever (not necessarily whoever) she wants to without having to answer to anyone or think about - oh I can't do that because my boyfriend and I have plans - etc. It is just really * * * * ty going from I love you so much we will never spend valentines day apart again to - I don't love you anymore and I think we should go our separate ways and no I don't want to talk about us ever again.

 

Just sucks....

 

But I've held through Day 2 thus far.....How has your day been?

[reelbigfish]

I echo your comment about friends. I have tried to stop talking about it to friends. I find that they were really supportive for the first week but after that they are tired of hearing about it. I'm not sure if that's normal - or if that should tell me that they are not as supportive as they should be. I don't know....

[heartbroken9]

I agree..my friends can only be supportive for so long..after some time, they really arent there for you as much as you'd like them to be.

 

Im glad day 2 for you was exciting and that you were able to get through it. Your right about your ex being immature and wanting to go off and be free and do waht she wants. If you have something good?..why would you let it go?..

 

My ex on the other hand just broke up with me because he didnt see me in his future. He didnt think I was "the one"..Day 11 was hard for me..it wasnt very productive..i had an appointment in the morning, ran some errands, and went to the gym. But I was sad throughout the whole day because he's all I can think about..i miss him a whole lot..

[reelbigfish]

Well that's what my ex told me. She couldn't see me in her future. It's not necessarily that she wanted to be free - those are my words. Her words were that she didn't feel the same passion that she did in the first 2 to 3 months of dating and she has to be able to feel that all the time. I tried to explain to her that I don't know - but I'm pretty sure that the fire will fade with anyone and that hopefully what you're left with his burning embers. This blows....

[heartbroken9]

I completely agree with you. Love has its cycles..your not always going to feel the passion you felt in the beginning and there will be times when you might doubt what you feel and who your with and then you fall in love with them again..Love has different phases. But I think all that is normal. But just because you dont feel that passion doesn't mean its not love and it doesnt mean that their not the person your supposed to be with..

 

Maybe the people we were with were just immature and selfish..TTHEY need to do some growing up...