Never really forgotten...

[browneyedgirl36]

Hey Everyone -- Just thought I'd share something that happened to me recently. It was surprising, and I was a bit taken aback, but it came at a time in my life when I think I really needed it...

 

Long story less long:

 

I dated a guy back in high school and college (age 16-20 or so), and broke up with him after 4 1/2 years because I just didn't see us together *forever* (he did) and I felt we had both grown up a lot and were growing apart. He was pretty upset at first, but he handled the break-up well, and after a period of NC, we stayed in contact via cards and letters (usually on birthdays, Christmas, etc. -- this was pre-e-mail, back in the Stone Age -- haha!) We lost contact around '95 or '96, but I heard through a friend who ran into his mom that he'd gotten married some time ago. Over the years I have thought about him from time to time, wondering how he's doing. I have no regrets about breaking up with him; I know that it was the right thing to do, for both of us, and I don't have any *feelings* for him any longer other than to wish him well.

 

Anyway...A few weeks ago, out of the blue, he e-mailed me, after 12 years of not being in contact. He had "googled" me, most likely because our 20-year high school reunion is coming up in a few months. His first e-mail was a sort of tentative "I hope it's OK for me to contact you" e-mail, to which I responded that it was perfectly OK that he wrote me, and asked him how he's doing. He wrote back, and we've exchanged 3 or 4 lengthy e-mails about our jobs, parents, what our siblings have been up to, etc. He reports that he is happily married, has a great job, etc. I wrote back about how I haven't met "the one" yet but that I still have hope that I will, etc.

 

A few days ago, he wrote yet another lengthy e-mail, responding to some of my questions, talking about the upcoming reunion, etc. Then, at the end, he said he had something he needed to tell me, and he hoped that it wouldn't freak me out. He said that he had always thought highly of me, that I'm a great person, that I had a very positive impact on his life and subsequent relationships, particularly his relationship with his wife, etc., and that he just really wanted me to know that he was glad to have met me and had me in his life. (I'm paraphrasing here, but it was something to that effect.)

 

I'm not sure why I'm posting this, other than to make the observation that you'd be surprised at how people DON'T forget someone who meant something to them, even if many years have gone by and both parties have moved on. This guy and I broke up 18 years ago, have had no contact for 12years, and he still remembers me and counts me as someone who meant a lot to him. I guess it just makes me happy to know that, even though things didn't work out with us, he still thinks of me in a positive way. I guess, too, that it gives me hope that my recent ex will think of me in a similarly positive way, and that, someday, I will be able to move on and think of him that way as well, even if we can never be together again.

[JeckyllNHyde]

aww, that's a nice post. tnx for sharing.

i agree, but i'm sure you where a good person to him too for him to think so highly of you. some people are mean or rude and then wonder why people don't like them.

i think i also have a few guys like this who i will always think fondly of even though it never worked out.

[browneyedgirl36]

Thanks, Jeckyll, especially for the comment about how I must be a good person for him to think so highly of me. I really needed to hear that today. I am struggling, very hard, right now, with a lot of things regarding my most recent relationship that didn't work out, and it really, really helped to hear from my long-ago ex; it made me realize that, in fact, I am NOT forgettable -- that I was very important to someone (and, a really great someone, in fact!)

[JeckyllNHyde]

your welcom.

so what happened with the recent ex? was it a break up which just happened?

[browneyedgirl36]

your welcom.

so what happened with the recent ex? was it a break up which just happened?

 

Nope. The actual "break-up" was LAST January (2007). We hadn't dated for long, but he told me he wasn't ready to get into a relationship because he had "issues" from a past relationship. A few months went by, and he started really contacting me again A LOT, and we were "seeing each other" I guess you could say, for most of last year, until he asked me to go away for a weekend with him, only to cancel on me, telling me that he didn't think it was a good idea, that we want two different things, blah blah blah. I was crushed, but part of me still had hope that once he got past his "issues" we'd be together. Welllll.....this January (2008) he announced to me that he was, in fact, reconciling with the source of his *issues* (his previous ex decided she wanted him back, and he took her back). Apparently, they've been off and on for over a decade, and he's basically never gotten over her. So, they're back "on," I guess. He made this "announcement" to me six months ago, and I STILL feel like crap at times. The situation is compounded by the fact that we work together a few times a week (though we're out for summer so I haven't seen him for about 6 weeks), so starting in August I'll have to see him a few times a week at work.

 

I'm doing my best to get over him, but it's a slower process than I had hoped it would be.

[JeckyllNHyde]

oh yeaa... i do remembr reading your story. i remember when i was getting over my last break up we had similar stories of being made the rebound.

i say take all the time you need, and like u said.. it doesnt make it easier that you have to see him every day.

being the "rebound (i hate that word still btw!)" definitely IMO is one of the hardest things to grasp. i only went thru it once and i hope never again.

the guy who made me his also was same. he'd been with his girl for some years, the last months they where on off. plus me and him worked together. luckily we both quit around the time things ended to go persue other directions.

he dumped me and just vanished. whatever..

i can say one thing: he just wasnt the right guy.. and in a way he did you a favor. because now you can meet some guy who maybe is. i know it sounds so cliche. but that guy is obviously still "mesmerized" by his ex no matter how much horrible stuff they do to each other. they still keep going back to each other and good luck to them right?

you should be happy you're not dealing with all that drama.

 

i hope u feel even better soon..

[D_Lish]

Sounds very much like my story. I had an ex, my first love, contact me after ten years. He'd found me after searching for me via the web also and then he'd emailed me. I was surprised, it was the last thing I would have ever expected to happen in a million years!!He too, claimed to be happily married and we'd chatted about old times, what we were doing now, our jobs, etc etc....we exchanged quite a few emails and over a period of two months. He said that he wanted me to know, that he still cared for me and thought about me often....and I too was really happy at him saying this.

 

We never forget, people who meant a lot to us

[rapunzel]

Wow, what a nice story browneyedgirl! That must have given you a nice, warm feeling. I'm really happy that this happened for you...you deserve a nice boost like this!

[lisa1126]

I wish I had someone who after so many years still think about me. Thanks for sharing, it's an encouraging story, because it tells me there are people out there who don't forget, who can appreciate...