Would love to get your take on this.

[NoContactItIs]

Might be hard to gauge without enough background, but...

 

She's in a new relationship. Happy and wrapped up in it from what she mentioned during light recent contact. Mentioned she wanted to be friends but wanted to not communicate for a while. I give her space and at some point removed her from (Myspace/Facebook). she soon after sends a friend request, which I accepted as to avoid any potential drama. A week or so later she sends me an IM while I was offline commenting on my pictures. Didn't know what to make of it. While on Facebook the other day, I saw some pictures/updates that rubbed me the wrong way. I knew it was doing more damage to have constant reminders.

 

So I send her this -

_____________________

 

Me: I removed you from Facebook.. I don't want you to get the wrong idea,

but the little reminders aren't helping. Let's see where we are

sometime next year. I'm not ruling out a friendship. just not sure how

long it will take. I wish you nothing but the best.

 

Her: i figured that

i added you again on a selfish whim

just wanted to see your face

and realized later it might be hurtful to you

i'm sorry

 

Me: No worries. it still hurts alot, but nothing you should worry about.

All I said to you still holds true.

 

Her: i have to run...thank you for telling me. i would like to catch up -

i will call/ping you soon

 

_____________________

 

 

 

Thoughts?

[arwen]

I think you handled that very well considering the circumstances. I am not sure she understood it though, if you removed her and don't want to be in touch, she shouldn't suggest pinging or calling you?

[fairytalefox]

some questions:

how long was the relationship and how long ago did yall break up?

 

she obviously missed you and/or was thinking about you to add you back on facebook after you had deleted her. however, that may not mean shes thinking about getting back together. its hard to stop missing a person, even if you do know its never gonna work. you still meant something to her at one point.

[NoContactItIs]

Sorry for long post, but for those of you who would like some background. here it is ...

 

The break was about 2 months ago. She moved on after a week of telling me how much she loved me (over IM). She'd been wanting to be in relationship with me for some time but I was too wrapped up in trying to get my life in order, which I suppose didn't make it easy on her. I wasn't in the right head space to make that move. I wanted to get my things in order before I committed to a relationship. I'd been laid off from a job that moved me cross country. Needless to say, the pressure was on to find another job before severance ran out. There was a REAL possibility i would move if I didn't find a new job locally. I didn't want to hurt her or me in the process. I gave her my time and my love. We'd been seeing each other for about 6 months by then. In her defense I probably didn't make it easy by not being where she was, but it was never out of lack of care/love. I suppose by the time I got myself in the right place, she had shut down and found someone else where she didn't have to fight an uphill battle. I'm not trying to paint her in a bad light. She was really good to me, but I'd like to think I was as well. By trying to shelter her and myself from pain, I ended up hurting myself. I realize I was self absorbed and might have said or done some inconsiderate things, but I guess that's something I will have to put to work on a future relationship. Not a day goes by where I don't think of her. Been through all phases of a break except anger. I miss her terribly and wish things were different. I have to move on and get myself back to a good place.

 

Thanks for listening.

[ghostgirl116]

wow. given the background, sounds like there is some unfinished business on her part. she may really care for you, even if she is with a new guy. i mean, a WEEK after breaking with you? rebound? i'm no expert, i'm just sayin'...

 

i think you handled the whole myspace thing really well.

[NoContactItIs]

wow. given the background, sounds like there is some unfinished business on her part. she may really care for you, even if she is with a new guy. i mean, a WEEK after breaking with you? rebound? i'm no expert, i'm just sayin'...

 

i think you handled the whole myspace thing really well.

Thanks ghostgirl116. I have no doubt she has some feelings left. As far as rebound or not. I think she's made up her mind. When I became ready, I laid it all out making it clear I wanted to be with her. I put it all out there risking what eventually ended up happening to me. I can walk away knowing I did everything I could. No regret. I can't make someone do or feel something for me if it's not there. Nor would I want to. Moving on is the only option I have... as painful as it feels.

[IMAbadman]

Yeah... there's interest on her part. But the facts are she has a boyfriend and the fact that she picked him up 1 week after the break-up. Tells me bad news.

 

Listen if I were you I'd avoid her and go no contact. Good luck buddy.

[NoContactItIs]

...

 

What he said. As long as they are still communicating with you their feelings for you are not dead and buried. But a new bf a week after the break-up? Uh-uh.

So you would avoid taking phone call or any communication?

 

Thank you both for your input.

[WaterIsLife]

I think you need to do what is best for you. It simply does not really matter what has happened since you broke up. If you feel you should have some space and a period of no contact (you handled yourself very well in your conversation on myspace, by the way) then you should stick to it since it is for YOU.

 

I think you've done a very good job on explaining your feelings to her in a commendably straight-forward manner. Now is the time to do things for you. Maybe you should let her know that any communication in the near future would not be the best thing for you.

[NoContactItIs]

I think you need to do what is best for you. It simply does not really matter what has happened since you broke up. If you feel you should have some space and a period of no contact (you handled yourself very well in your conversation on myspace, by the way) then you should stick to it since it is for YOU.

 

I think you've done a very good job on explaining your feelings to her in a commendably straight-forward manner. Now is the time to do things for you. Maybe you should let her know that any communication in the near future would not be the best thing for you.

 

Thanks a bunch I appreciate the support.

[WlknCntrdiction]

Your story is somewhat similar to mine. Except for me my ex started going out with one of my friends the same week we broke up. I wasn't the best bf to her and I hurt her alot and was really insensitive alot to how she felt and she ended up breaking up with me, it hurt her more because she could see herself being with me for the rest of her life and I wasn't like the other * * * * heads she had previously dated(though I turned into one of those near the end).

 

The whole story is here:

 

Anyways, long and short of it is that she forgave me a few days ago after about 2 months of NC, we're now friends, and since then she's been asking me whether I still have feelings for her(which I don't anymore), what I'm doing lately and what plans I have planned, I'm still in NC with her, she's the one starting all these conversations. I'm not planning on(or waiting)to get back together with her, I'm enjoying single life. I know my friend and her will split up, it's inevitable, but I'm not going to be a crutch for her, I'll be civil but the moment she comes to me for advice on what to do when her current relationship fails I conveniently won't be around, her relationships are nothing to do with me, even less so since we're just friends now.

 

She'll comeback to me, and I gather the same will work out for you, love like that doesn't go away after a week(or even the same week as in my case). I've shown her I'm a changed person, the conversations we've had so far have shown that, she may not pick up on them at first but once the rebound starts messing up, my changes will shine through more brighter than ever before. I still have some way to go but the changes I have made so far and have showcased are beyond comprehension and are magnificent. She will see soon enough, they all(almost)do.

[NoContactItIs]

Thanks for your input. I appreciate it.