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Does the pain ever go away?

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Yesterday my ex and I were having a serious talk about ourselves, and what it came down to was the two and a half years we were together he never actually loved me. He said that he thought he loved me and that he tried, but the more and more he thought about it the more he realized he was hurting me. He said that I deserved better than him and that he needed to leave...


So this morning, at 6 a.m. he got on the air plane and left me. I feel so hurt and scared, Im so lonely cause I dont have anyone there for me. He's calling me when his plane lands and hes waiting for the other, telling me to "Give him time." to "Trust him, because he needs to figure out some things."


I know some of you wont believe me, but he would never cheat on me, hes not that type of person - so I know he didnt leave for another girl...well in a way. He left because he was in love with this other girl for years, and she broke his heart. He told me she broke it so bad, that he only just realized he wouldnt ever be able to fix it. So from what he keeps telling me, is hes going back for some closure before he can move forward with me. He keeps telling me that he cares deeply for me, and that if he could ever give his heart to someone it'd be me.


I just want to know if Ill be able to make it through this, its so hard. We just moved so far away from both of our family for my job (which is in the toilet now) and I have no one here. I periodically start crying and cant stop no matter how much I try, and I keep shaking. How long will this last?



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I honestly wouldn't answer his phone call. Let it ring and call him back in a day or two. I swear my ex said if I would have left her alone right after everything happened that she would have been extremely tempted to reconcile and work on our relationship instead of head for the hills. It is very tough to do and I didn't have the inner strength (still don't) but I encourage you to do whatever it takes to not speak to him today.

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I feel so much better and safe when I talk to him. He tells me that I have to give him time and that things will work out. I told him that Id give him time and that I would wait until he knew what he wanted to do. Its just so hard... I dont know what to do. I cant sleep or eat and it feels like Im being kicked in the gut. I have to go to work too, and my boss told me yesterday to suck it up and move on, which I thought was rude since he was going to walk me down the isle.



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My dear...what are you saying? He's going to visit his ex to get closure??? How long has it been since they broke up and that you two have been together? Anyone who does this is not ready for anything new.


Why do you want to be second in his heart?? From what you posted he still hasn't gotten over her and is going to leave you to see her?? I don't think so............he needs help. As long as he is holding on to the past he will never be able to make you happy and give you a good future....you will always wonder if he is thinking of her and wishing he was still with her....way uncool


Personally I would never stand for that and in the first place...I don't want anyone elses seconds or be the crumbs in the bag of bread...nooooooooooo


Fortunately for me in my 43 years so far this situation never happened to me...I am not saying none of my ex's didn't have gf's before me or me before them, but when I was with any guy I was always #1 in his heart and mind and when I would break up with them they took it very hard and would try to get me back.


I even have guys in high school/grade school that write me and tell me what a memorable girl I am...and I never even dated these guys.


See hon, I know myself, my qualities, and have alot of self-worth, and personally any guy who I am with is very lucky.


Even my current ex is always giving me tons of gifts because he told me he still loves me and don't want me to find anyone else.


I don't hate any of my ex's, but I cannot be with men who I don't have anything in common with anymore and some of them had issues with their own personalities, which had nothing to do with me....me and my ex's never left on bad terms, just things didn't work out.


I knew most of my ex's when we were teenagers and early 20's and most of them didn't have much experience with girls or relationships. I am not saying these things to boast or brag I am only trying to make you understand that you need never to place yourself last on your lovers list...you are worth more than that...he needs to think how he would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. Believe you me men's ego's are very delicate and more than what you think...if they think they were not the best thing you ever had I guarantee you would see a guy with a bad attitude.


This may be slightly off the topic, but some very good advice..men love a woman who is lighthearted, fun, energetic, takes care of herself, dynamic, independent. Men hate when women are clingy/needy, argumentative, unhappy, insecure, no self-esteem....whatever you do never beg, plead, or cry...if a person wants to go then by all means show him the door...not to say once he is gone you cannot cry, punch something or feel like crud, but never let anyone see your weakness then it makes it to easy for him to play on that...and all you will have in the end is misery.


Best of luck to you

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