Coming too quickly

[NewPhillyGuy]

Damn, now, here's something I never thought I'd post about on this site. I REALLY, REALLY hope no one I know reads this.

 

I can get aroused really quickly. Just kissing a girl will cause an erection. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

 

What annoys me is - if I'm making out with a girl in bed, and I'm laying on top of her, clothes on, etc - I will still come after alot of making out! Does this happen to any other guys? This happens to me when I first start seeing a girl and I haven't had sex in a while. If we start having sex regularly, it doesn't happen that much, but can still happen.

 

When I'm having intercourse, I usually come within a few minutes - it's very quick, because I'm usually pretty aroused by the time we get to having sex. I usually try to get alot of foreplay in there.

 

What I hate is being "done" and knowing I haven't gotten the girl to come. I sometimes fear a girl will lose interest in me/sex with me, because I come too quickly and won't satisfy her. In the past with girlfriends, what I have done is spend alot of time fingering her and such, trying to get her as close as possible, and then start having sex with her when she's just about it come. It worked out that we both managed to come at the same during sex, which is great and what I wanted. When the girl can't come from foreplay though, I'm at a loss.

 

The only thing that I've done is been honest and explain to the girl that I come pretty quickly the first time around. About 30 minutes after that, I can get an erection again and will last longer. I can usually go 3-4 times before getting too tired to have sex, each time lasting longer. This has worked out pretty well before.

 

I'm just wondering if guys have had similar experiences, and how they dealt with the embarrassment of coming too quickly. I'd like to think that most girls are understanding and wouldn't get frustrated because of this, but you never know. I hate to think that someday I might lose a girl over it.

[Somerandomguy82]

I know exactly how you feel. I think so much of it is mental. I had a problem with an ex where I was obsessed with the fear that I was finishing too quickly. I think I worried so much about that it became a reality and it's all I thought about during sex.

 

There were many other things in that relationship that added to this that certainly didn't help. As I said I think it's mostly mental, I don't have any of those problems in my current relationship.

[dragon lady]

Can you masturbate in the morning before you go see her? I've heard that helps some guys.

 

Also, if you are worried about making her come, then spend as much time down there with your tongue as possible. She won't be angry that you came quickly, I promise!

[bmwm3]

I know what you mean by getting aroused quickly.. i get aroused when i am with a girl by kissing her or knowing were about to have sex...

 

The weird thing is the sex part for me isnt usally quick.. anywhere from 30min-1.5hrs... this actualy isnt good. because i get tired by end of the hour and it just gets even harder to cum.. plus she gets sore... its a good suggestion to rub one out before you go see her.. and this way you will build your stamania..

[Cardinal]

Since you are capable of going 3-4 times total, I don't see any problem at all. It is perfectly fine if you come quickly on round one. I also don't think it is anything to be embarrassed about. Your average guy won't exactly be able to do it once each half hour. It may be more exciting for her to feel you orgasm that many times, especially if times 2-4 last more than 10 minutes.

 

Also, make sure she has a problem with the way you are before you allow it to become an issue.

[pinkelephant]

I don't think it's that much of an issue, tbh. My now ex bf cums from me just making out & grinding on top of him. I think it's just funny. He comes from sex within a minute the first time we had it. And the 2nd time, within i think 3-4 minutes? eh. i just assume he'd get better. it wasn't a big deal.

[LostInFlorida]

If you know you are going to see her, then "peel one off" about an hour beforehand. That will give you plenty of time to recover.

 

Even if she is "understanding", popping that first one right away, and then making her wait for 30 minutes to get going again will become a bore for her. Unless of course you go down on her during your recovery period.

 

Odds are though that this problem will eventually go away on its own......

[NewPhillyGuy]

If you know you are going to see her, then "peel one off" about an hour beforehand. That will give you plenty of time to recover.

 

Even if she is "understanding", popping that first one right away, and then making her wait for 30 minutes to get going again will become a bore for her. Unless of course you go down on her during your recovery period.

 

Odds are though that this problem will eventually go away on its own......

 

Yeah, that would be the idea - to just get back into foreplay while "recovering"

[pacodemil]

If you are that worried about not pleasing the woman then make sure that you do other things to get her to that point before you start the actual sex that way she is allready aroused and more likely to orgasm again in the "limited" time that you have to perform.

[lana111]

dont woory at all. my bf is like this and he is by far the best ive had! but i would recomend you perform oral or hand stimulation to her first so that she will finish too.

[Kitz]

k, one of my ex boyfriends a long, long time ago used to come before he even got it in.... at least you manage to actually get to have sex with the chick! then again, his problem i believe was like another poster said - he obsessed with the fear that he was going to do it, that in the end it was all he thought about and it became the reality.

 

i think explaining to the girl helps. Girls are generally pretty forgiving as long as you talk about it... if you're just a 3 minute wonderman and then roll over and go straight to sleep, without even trying to satisfy the girl - well, THEN you have a problem, but it doesnt seem like you're like that at all, so i'd just explain your situation. Believe it or not, most guys dont last an hour every time and give their girl multiple orgasms over and over and over, in my experience they've all been like you - about 5 or so minutes the first time, then while he's "recovering" we just fool around a bit until he's ready to go again. if you're doing some full on making out and having fun... well, 30 minutes just flies by

[Shudder]

this thread makes me think of american pie.

[NowandZen]

Read "She Comes First". Long story short do whatever you have to and make her come, it won't matter what you do after that.

[alphabetsoup13]

I used to have this problem too man, but doing these things helped me out a lot.

 

1) If i knew i was going to see my gf, i would masterbate at least once before i saw her, sometimes twice.

2) Spend A LOT of time pleasing her during foreplay. Pull out all the stops. Don't hold back!

3) During intercourse, i would find ways to distract myself (don't let her know you're doing this of course). For instance, i would bite my tongue or lip.

 

hope that helped for you, it helped me out a lot.

[teknoise]

First and foremost, unless you have a medical condition, this can be fixed. The first step is to acknowledge that you control the length of time you are able to hold on to. With some practice you can change this. Practice, that will be all the more easier if you get your girl in on it. Instead of accepting this as part of who you are, take control of the situation and change it.

 

Secondly, even with all that said, provided she cums first almost all of the time, you are good to go.

[HNIC66]

To be brutally honest with you, what your describing is serious premature ejaculation. I haven't experienced it myself but I have read allot about sex and there is plenty that you can do about it.

 

First off how old are you?

 

Regardless of that Im assuming your on the young inexperienced side. The good news is that if you can get out of your head mentally over time it should get better with experience.

 

First off you need to start masturbating more, but differently. As young boys we learn to masturbate in a hurry. We get porno going and try to get it over with in a matter of minutes. By the time we are young men our penis's are trained to get the job done in 5 or so minutes. So first for a while start masturbating with lube, and training yourself to masturbate for longer periods of time. At a minum this will build up your pleasure limitations and build confidence.

 

I would not advise masturbating before you see girl. Over time that will likely lose its effect, and when you start getting along in life its not going to always be an option.

 

Read some books. "Tantric sex secrets for men", and "The Multi Orgasmic Man" both have some good techniques though they take alot of time and practice to master.

[LiquidFlames]

I have been with two girls in total, the first one I was fine with, then the second one came along (my current girlfriend) and she was a lot tighter and I hadn't had sex in a long time. The first time we did I came in about a minute which was devastating for me because it had never happened before! Not even close! So I did some research, the top things to do:

 

1. Control your breathing, breathing slowly is a massive controlling aspect of your orgasm, the slower you breathe, the calmer you are, concentrate really hard on this.

2. Masturbate on the day of the sex.

3. Use the stop/start method - pull out when you feel yourself about to cum, and pleasure her with your fingers/tongue instead.

4. Buy special condoms that prolong how long you last, I think they are called "Durex Performa". These condoms contain a drop of benzocain in the tip which is basically an anaesthetic, it subtly numbs your penis a little (completely safe!) and you are pretty much guaranteed to go as long as your heart and lungs can last.

 

The most important aspect I found is mental. After using one of the Performa condoms and giving my girlfriend great sex for an hour or so, I gained my confidence and mental state back. I knew I could last with this girl, since then we no longer use condoms - she is on the pill - and I can still last as long as I want (unless going crazy) because my mentality is right. The desensitizing condoms are definetely the way to go, the pleasure you get from sex with them won't be great cos you won't feel a lot, but after that the confidence and mentality will be in tip-top condition.