is he cheating?

[stran100]

Hi to everybody. Here is my story.

We have been married with my husband for 5 months now. We put a lot of efforts and time to get marriage as we are from different countries and I had to move to his place. After marriage my husband lost interest in sex with me. He stopped kissing me passionately. I'm an attractive woman and I notice there is something wrong. Because I needed to be close and I needed sex and he was not happy I initiate it. Every time I talk to him he says everything is ok.

About in a month he left his email open and I read it! He was writing to a girl who placed her advertisement about escort service. He asked how much and if it includes sex. I was in shock! Why dose he need an escort if he has a beautiful wife? Why to pay for sex if his wife is dying without sex?

I have been talking about it a lot and he said that is was a joke he just was curies and it was a joke for a friend. He asked me to forgive and forget and trust him because it will effect out marriage.

I tried to forget and almost forgot.

Meanwhile he was a very outgoing person and he can sometimes wake up 3 am and just say "I'm bored I want to go out" When I ask him why can't he take me out if he wants to go so late he says he just want to meet a friend who is available after 3 am or just want to have his space. He asks me to give him space any time day or night he is feeling like going out. For me it was very difficult because In my culture if you are married usually people don't go out night time separated. May be once in 2 months I would understand.

We keep arguing about this all the time and I don't feel comfortable with this because he even can't tell exactly what friend and where will he go and what kind of friend is it that I can't meet.

I noticed that he is always reading a forum about local girls who work in hotels in sex business. Men talk about the girls which one provide good service which not. Once we went to one of the shopping complex which has hotel and he said he will leave me for 45 minutes and after we will meet. Was very strange why 45 minutes … I read at the same forum 45 minutes is time of the girls service. After that when we went to the same complex he was trying to leave me at least for 10 minutes.

I looked at his cell phone bill and noticed that he is keeping calling to that hotel and some other local hotels.

Some monthes ago his cell phone call 2.30 am I woke up him. I thought something urgent. When I asked him who was calling so late and why he said just a friend fooling aroung. Then I asked why then you have been talking for a while to him? He got very angry that I don't trust him I'm so suspicious.. I should be happy with an answer "just a friend" and don't ask anything more He said I should trust him like a blind man.

Well as I did not get an answer… I start to be suspicious nervous. I have allergy for his cell phone. Because after that he always set it as meeting or unvoiced so I can't hear if someone is calling.

A month ago he said he need to go to another state about his work. It seamed very strange to me because he said he is going with his colleague but he never call him in front of me. Only once he called to someone and asked if 26th is confirm then he said he can't talk now because of lightening. Before he left the house he said he is going not about his current job but a different project so he did not tell nobody at work. It was strange too because he did not tell me this before. I knew something is wrong.

A week ago I got his cell phone bill. I looked at the date he went and He call 1.00 am not from another state but the next city. The only phone numbers he call that day was our location hotel numbers and ………one cell phone number. When I call this number the girl answered and she spoke my language! Not many people in this country speak my language . It was a shock. I did not want anything I was sure he was with her. When he came back I said I'm giving you a chance tell me honestly what is going on . He did not want to tell me anything before I did not show his bill. Then he said because he was under pressure because of me that is why he wanted to be on his own one night. About the girl he said he was just talking to her and even have never met her. I looked at the bill It started about 2 months ago. And he kept calling her more and more. I said I want to divorce because I don't trust you any more He was begging me he was crying to be with him to forgive and forget. I asked him don't to lie to me any more and never talk to that girl any more. He said "ok" He said he dose not have any woman except me I was before Xmas day. Now one week later I still have pain and I feel very insecure when someone calling him specially night time. Someone called him 1.30 am but it show as Private number is calling I asked him who he said it was missed call. Last night we went to bed about 1.30 am and I woke up 7 I look at his phone it was a message there. I asked who is calling so late. He become very angry that I'm still so suspicious I should forget . But it still pain. I feel horrible to be like this. I feel very bad to look at his bills He said he never thought his wife will check everything. I never thought I will be like this too But I want an answer and I don't get it from him.

Should I trust him? May be it is only on my mind ? I'm loosing my mind. Don't know what to think and what to do.

[neallo82288]

Honey honestly, sounds to me like he is cheating. All the signs are there. What you need to do is hire an investigator to follow your husband and see where he goes and make sure you get pictures, because without pictures there is no evidence. But for your sanity, I think that this would be wise thing to do. He may be innocent, but that is highly unlikely. Get an investigator and you will know for sure. With pictures and a good lawyer, you will be able to take him to the cleaners( so to speak). BUt you will end up in the same living conditions you have now.

 

You said that you werre from another country. You never stated you citizenship is American or not. That is something else to mention to the lawyer.

 

Sorry but get an invesstigator and see what he can find

[enadevoli]

your husband is acting very supicious. his loss of interest in sex with you is a good way to find out if he is cheating on you. it seems like he is hiding some thing because he's not telling you any thing. you gave him his second chance & he is still acting the way he did before. it seems like you have tried to change him, but if he is cheating on you, he's not going to stop if he didn't stop the first time you figured it out. if you feel like you deserve better, which i believe that you do, then you need to leave. you will not be happy if you know that you can't even trust the one person that you should be able to trust the most.

[tough_girl]

I'm sorry to say this but stran, YOU NEED TO LEAVE HIM. He has all the signs of cheating on you. I agree with neallo82288 and enadevoli. Hire an investigator and file a divorce.

 

Meanwhile don't have sex with him! Since there might be chances he had slept with other women, he might have already got STD's and I bet you don't want to have it to.

 

This marriage isn't going to work either if he doesn't cheat on you because marriage is built on love and trust. You don't trust him anymore and he doesn't trust you enough to let you know where and who he's going out with.

 

So, don't kid yourself. Get an investigator and set yourself free. It might be hard at first but it will eventually get better. I wish you good luck!

[Jamiegirl]

I have a feeling that he if defietly seeing these escort girls behind your back. Follow the advice you get from the people here. But dont be to quick to divorce him because honestly you never know. Who Knows your suspisions maybe wrong but I highly doubt it.

 

Thats why I too agree that you should seek a investigator on this matter and have him follow him around to take pictures and to see if he really is going behind you back and sleeping with these girls, and please dont have sex with him until you have proof that your wrong.

 

Good Luck

[avman]

Well I'm going to go one step further and say I don't think you even need an investigator. You have more than enough information with what you have seen. Although I'm usually one to say work on your marriage and try to resolve the issues - in this case I think you should file a divorce.

 

If your state is a "no fault" divorce state then it does not matter that your husband is cheating. It will not affect the divorce proceedings and will not change the settlement you get awarded. And in any case you have more than enough information with what you have already told us.

 

Also I encourage you to get an STD test. I think he has put you at serious risk for this with seeing prostitutes and the like. And do NOT let the man touch you from now on.

 

I don't know what his problem is - but I don't think you should wait around to find out. There are millions of men who will treat you wonderfully. Don't waste another second on this shameful example of a man.

 

avman

[Cid]

I have to say Avman is right you need to get rid of him. And yes you need to get your self tested for STDs. I hope every thing goes smothly.

[dmxchick81]

This might sound really odd, but have you ever considered the fact that your husband might have some perverted fantasies that you might not know about? Maybe thats why he is going out and sleeping with prostitutes.

[stran100]

I have been trying to talk about fantasies or whatever problems we have for 10 monthes

he just says that we don't have any problem

[alilbitworried]

Hi, Hun, he has to be cheating. You don't need any Detective the proof is all there. You just are going to have to see it and get out. He has cheated on you already and you know the saying once an cheater always a cheater.

 

Yes, please get yourself checked, your life isn't a toy he can play with like he does with these other women. Life is too short and precious. A man that does this honestly can't really love you, he wouldn't do the things he does to you if he did.

 

Good luck in the future and I hope things for your sake go great! P.S. Take him for all he has got in court if thats the way you choose to go!