enough?

[hugzmenot]

okay.... i have been with my boyfriend for a year and 2 months. Things were going great when we first hooked up. We met through his brother and my sister. (they're married) I knew it would make things really weird if we ever decided to break up.... on the other hand we all go out on double dates and have a great time. Anyway, for the past month or so we have been fighting a lot. I mean we fight every weekend. I do not like his friends. They are involved in drugs and I do not want my boyfriend involved in that stuff at all. I try to avoid places where his friends will be at but then we end up fighting about it. I know i cannot tell him who to be friends with, because he's known these people since forever, but they're really just NOT good people at all. My boyfriend says that he knows that and he knows he doesn't need to be hanging out with them, but he still does it anyway.

 

My boyfriend likes to drink every weekend which i don't have a problem with that, but when he starts to get mean to me, I, of course, yell at him which turns into a huge brawl. Sometimes he has a little too much to drink and starts flirting with other girls. I confront him about it the next day and he says stuff like "oh baby, you're the only one i want to be with. the only girl i can see myself with" and all that bullcrap. He wouldn't be flirting with another girl if that's how he really felt. I just get so sick and tired of feeling like i am always the one sacrificing everything and i am always getting hurt somehow. I know my biggest prolem is that i hold a mean grudge against some of the things that's he's done to hurt me in the past. But he keeps repeating his actions. We used to be the best couple. People loved being around us. Now nobody wants to be around us. We used to talk all the time and could talk to eachother without screaming at eachother...now we can't even do that at all. We avoid talking because it gets us nowhere!

 

My question is....when do you get to the point when enough is enough? I know he loves me with all his heart and i love him with all my heart. Is it possible that two people can really love eachother and not be together because they just can't make it work? I don't want to fight anymore. maybe we're just not in love with eachother anymore and we realize that we're two different people..I'm afraid that we just keep hanging on to eachother because we're used to it being that way and maybe scared to break it off and face the hurt.. I don't know..I. I've tried to make this work...but i don't think that it should have to be THIS HARD! Help me!!!

[Cats]

I see a lot of red flags here. Drugs, the bad friends, the fights when he drinks.

 

When I was 20 I married a man I dated for a year. He had a lot of the same red flags you are seeing now. He never did improve, even though we got married. In fact he got worse. He started to get physically abusive in small ways. He didn't beat me up but he would kick, hit and smash holes in the wall. One time he started to hit me outside the house while I defended myself by planting my finger nails in his leg and the neighbor called the police. That was my wake up call. I left him and filed for divorce. I figured the violence would only increase if I stayed and that would be dangerous.

 

You deserve better than this and you can find a good man. Right now is when enough is enough.

 

Good luck.

[tough_girl]

Hello and welcome to enotalone.com.

 

I have to agree with what Cats said. There are a lot of uncertainties in this relationship and a lot of red flags. Drugs is a very dangerous thing, something you don't want to get involved in. It'll ruin your life. So,now when you can get up and flee, I'll say 'Take your chance and run'.

 

But before you do that, since you love him very much, why don't you talk to him when he's not drunk. Let him know how you feel, tell him which area you're not at all comfortable with and etc. If he doesn't change or tell you off, then THAT'S ENOUGH and you should leave.

 

Your sister and his brother might be quite disappointed if that would have happen but let them know what you're suffering and need to let go. Hopefully they'll understand.

 

I wish you good luck!