Leaving small child alone

[itsallgrand]

This happened to me the other day:

 

A young man, maybe in his late 20s or early 30s, with a very small child (toddler) came into the store where I usually get my morning coffee.

 

He stands the kid in line behind/beside me, and we are the only customers in the joint. The only other person is the teenager behind the counter.

 

So I say Hi to the dad, and hi to the child, who is smiling at me and saying those cute "Hi. Hi. Hi" like she is just getting the hang of this new toy called talking. lol.

 

Then the man without saying a word leaves and goes to the bathroom!!

 

Chick behind counter is busy brewing more coffee, and I'm waiting, and standing there with his kid.

 

Who just leaves their kid with a stranger nowadays in a store?!

 

He was lucky I'm not a nutbar! I hung around til the dad got out of the can, and kind of kept a casual thing going with the little girl and look out for her, but talk about awkward!

 

This is someone else's kid, who you don't know, and who knows what is going through this person's head.

 

My intentions were to watch out for the little girl, but at the same time, there are A LOT of parents out there who even when they are behaving weirdly or inappropriately (to my mind) with their child in public, they get mad and all in your face if you talk to the child or get too close to them or anything.

 

So I was cautious at the same time. Which I hate that it has come to that, where you are watching to cover your own butt all the time.

 

So he came back eventually but the dude took his time bc she was already set to get into things and I had already made my coffee and was standing there waiting for him for a good amount of minutes.

 

And he acted like this was perfectly normal. Ignored me, basically, said nothing and just started talking to his child as though he had been there the whole time.

 

I tell you, that was very weird. Who does that?!

 

Maybe in other places, other times, but that's pretty damn rare here.

[John Bendix]

I think that is odd anywhere, anytime, any place.

 

EITHER:

 

He expected you to watch his child without asking AND without knowing you

 

or

 

He expected his small child to watch and take care of herself

 

Both are are strange expectations.

 

I agree that in this day and age, he could have come back and starting yelling as in, "What are you doing with my child!?".

 

You have reminded of a time watching my son play baseball. At the park there are restroom that are open (no doors at the entrance but they turn a couple of times so you cannot see inside. I walked into the empty men's and three young girls about tweleve were standing right outside. I could hear them talking from the inside. It suddenly hit. They could claim anything happened between them and me. (this could happen I guess at any time) I hustled out of there and never used that bathroom again. Where were their parents to let them hand right outside a men's room?

[itsallgrand]

Thanks for understanding , John B.

 

It can be very tricky trying to navigate with other people's children, as a stranger in public.

 

Wise move on your part at that bathroom! In a way, it's kind of sad that precautions like that are necessary, but they really are more than not.

[BellaDonna]

So I say Hi to the dad, and hi to the child, who is smiling at me and saying those cute "Hi. Hi. Hi" like she is just getting the hang of this new toy called talking. lol.

 

Then the man without saying a word leaves and goes to the bathroom!!

 

Yikes! I would NEVER do that. The world is far too dangerous of a place to leave a child of that age alone in a public place.

 

If he had an emergency and had to use the bathroom- he should have taken her with him- or at the very least, made her stand right outside the bathroom door and talk with him to maintain her contact and location (but if it were me -my child would be IN the bathroom with me- if the guy had any reservations about it- he could have her turn around or cover her eyes)

[DN]

Apart from a danger of being molested, abducted and so on there is also a perhaps more likely danger of the child exiting the store and wandering off into traffic or simply getting lost.

 

It is all too easy for a child to wander off in public places even when you are close by.

[BellaDonna]

Apart from a danger of being molested, abducted and so on there is also a perhaps more likely danger of the child exiting the store and wandering off into traffic or simply getting lost.

 

It is all too easy for a child to wander off in public places even when you are close by.

 

That's another good point. And kids are so FAST

 

They can get into to trouble in a blink of an eye. I hate using the bathroom in my own home, when I am alone with my son- Thank goodness for playyards.

[itsallgrand]

Thanks for bringing that up DN.

 

Because as a stranger, even with good intentions and liking children very much (which he didn't know that), I was worried about what would be appropriate measures to take if the child did get into a bit of trouble or try to wander off.

 

Luckily she was quite well behaved and little intervention and simple distraction kept her there while her daddy was in the bathroom.

!!

[BellaDonna]

Smalls kids also have a tendency to touch things and in a store there is a danger of them reaching for something higher up, and having it fall on them or if they try to climb something- have it tip over on them.

 

The Consumer Product Safety Commission in the U.S. lists "tip-overs" as the 3rd worst hidden hazard for children. link removed

[lady00]

Some parents are simply irresponsible unfortunately. This is an example of that. Luckily nothing happened but I worry for that child. I don't have much faith in her father's parenting skills based solely on that story. One should never leave a child alone, turn their back on the child etc. That's one of the most basic things one would think all parents know--never leave a small child unwatched (either by yourself or by someone you know and trust). Wow.

[itsallgrand]

It IS basic but unfortunately not the worst I've seen.

 

Some people still seem to believe it is ok to put a cranky, or simply a child needing attention like children do need a lot of, with a snort of booze or some other substance.

 

I was also very curious if there is a cultural element to it. This family was obviously a somewhat recent addition to this city. The dad spoke broken english.

 

Are there still areas of the world where people leave their small children unattended in the care of complete strangers in stores??

 

It still baffles me because of so many reasons. And honestly, it was a bit of shock.

 

But I have heard that in NA we, as a whole and in general, are more protective of our children and are more likely to not trust strangers or others watching our children.

 

Regardless, even if that were so, it still doesn't explain the situation. It just didn't make sense. Common sense tells you a toddler is mobile, at that grabbing and sticking things in their mouth phase, and way under developed to take care of their own selves or even find help for themselves.

 

Still I'm curious about the cultural aspect, as I have heard quite a few stories of children being left alone while parents do their thing in a store.

[kaoticbaby]

when i was younger (3, 4, 5 yrs old), my dad used to babysit me at night while my mom went to work. he was an alcoholic, though. so he would leave me, this little baby, at home while he told me he was just "going around the corner to get a pack of ciggarettes." and i used to beg and plead that he not leave me. he would come back what felt like hours later, it probably WAS hours later, falling all over himself and then passing out on the floor. he would go to the bar and leave me home alone.

 

because of this, when i got older, whenever my mom would leave me home alone to pick up my STEP-dad (my parents got divorced soon after she found me IN the bar with him while he was babysitting me) from the train station or whatever it may be, i would freak out. i had such a fear of being home alone that my mother could never explain because i never told her about my father until years later.

 

til this day, i still get a little freaked out being home alone when it's dark. i can deal with the day now, but i have a phobia or something of being home at night.

 

parents shouldn't do stuff like this to their kids.

[BellaDonna]

Some people still seem to believe it is ok to put a cranky, or simply a child needing attention like children do need a lot of, with a snort of booze or some other substance.

 

Oh I HATE that! I had some winners suggest I give my son brandy or whisky when he was teething. ](*,)

 

 

I was also very curious if there is a cultural element to it. This family was obviously a somewhat recent addition to this city. The dad spoke broken english.

 

Could be. But I think universally toddlers are curious, get into trouble, and need a close eye. It's a part of their cognitive development to be curious. -But if the family came from an area that was "safer" and the community looked out for one another- I guess it would make sense. Still- that dad should not be so trusting of his NEW surroundings.

[darkblue]

You just have to look at the case of Madeline McCann to realise what leaving your child unattended can do. Even if you are regularly checking up on them.

 

The world's just not that safe.

[Parsley]

I tell you the worst version of this I've ever come accross. I was in the high street a couple of years ago with my sister and brother in law. We noticed a pram sat outside a travel agents, complete with toddler, with parents nowhere to be seen. Not in a shop where there will at least always be the assistants - in the street. Another sad thing is that no one dared go up to the child. A lot of other people had noticed, but nobody wanted to risk it. So we (everyone that had noticed) just formed this casual semi circle around the child to make sure nothing happened, while someone ran inside to find the parent, who acted like they had imposed this huge stress on her. It made me sick to my stomach. I went along on a couple of school trips for my mum's school this week, as an extra adult. The whole time I'm just checking the kids I'm in charge of are there, barely saw the seaside, barely saw the birds at the sanctuary. Constant counting and calling them back to me so they weren't ever further than a couple of metres from me and that was only when there were plenty of other teachers nearby.

[sidehop]

I don't care where I am, even at the house I don't let her out of my sight within five feet. Nowadays we've gotten used to her running around the house (as long as the outlets are covered, cabinets locked, etc) but outside? She's within a reach.

 

Some people think nothing bad will happen...we're in the 21st century, not in the 1800's where people trusted each other back then.

[metrogirl]

Toddlers running around unsupervised is commonplace in the apartment complex where I live. It's truly sad to watch. When I was moving into the place I was entering the common driveway in the moving truck and there was a girl of about 2 years standing near the mailboxes that are at the common driveway just at the city sidewalk. I was terrified to move the truck because I didn't know if she was going to dart out in front of me. I just sat there for like a good 5 minutes until someone had the mindset to go look for their daughter. Out comes a woman clearly expecting another baby to fetch her daughter. I'm thinking to myself (great, a 2nd baby she can leave outside unattended).

 

Half the people in the apartment complex should never have had children. Their very young kids are all over the sidewalk and halfway down the block. Anything could happen to them from getting snatched to getting hit by a car.

 

I spoke to one woman about her kids being unsupervised outside and the dangers involved, she looked at me like I was the crazy one.

[ImThatGirl]

^^ This drives me crazy. Parents in our apt complex let their kids run free all the time. As young as 2. Aye!

[metrogirl]

Another thing that drives me insane is when I hear about people that have left their children in the car unattended.

 

Personally, I have never witnessed a case where that happened but if I ever do I'm afraid of what I would actually do.

[DN]

Another thing that drives me insane is when I hear about people that have left their children in the car unattended.

 

Personally, I have never witnessed a case where that happened but if I ever do I'm afraid of what I would actually do.

Call the police. In Ontario at least that is 'child endangerment' and is an offence. I imagine it is in other places as well.

[avman]

Another thing that drives me insane is when I hear about people that have left their children in the car unattended.

 

Personally, I have never witnessed a case where that happened but if I ever do I'm afraid of what I would actually do.

 

I've seen it and I called the police. They came within 2 minutes. The parent had left their very small child in a car and it was getting very hot. The police showed up and when the mother came back to the car he screamed at her. I left at that point so I don't know if she got arrested or not.

[AwdreeHpburn]

To the original post - I woulda totally said something to the dad! In fact, I have.

 

I've been in that exact situation where for some bizarre reason, a parent thought I was "safe" enough to leave their child with, without discussing it with me first. Just walked away from their child whilst I was talking to them like I would just keep an eye on their child. Which of course I did, but when the mom got back, I totally said, "Oh, I didn't know you were leaving. Your child was looking for you. I told her you'd be right back.... but... ya know, next time you might wanna at least let someone know your intentions."

 

She was totally apologetic - like she was just gonna be a minute, she wasn't "expecting" me to blah blah, whatever. Its horribly irresponsible and I always at least try to call attention to it.

 

People are weird.....

[sidehop]

I've seen it and I called the police. They came within 2 minutes. The parent had left their very small child in a car and it was getting very hot. The police showed up and when the mother came back to the car he screamed at her. I left at that point so I don't know if she got arrested or not.

 

She deserves at least some form of citation if not being arrested. You may have saved the child's life!

[lady00]

She deserves at least some form of citation if not being arrested. You may have saved the child's life!

 

We see so many stories like this and it's so upsetting. Some parents just say that they didn't think they would be gone for long. Others say they just forgot the child. I don't know which is worse. I don't really understand how one could just forget a child in the car when going on a shopping trip. I mean, it's a child, not a cell phone that you can just forget and leave. I don't get it. And of course, I feel terrible for the parents who are devastated when they lose their child and in addition to the pain over the loss, have to deal with all of that guilt. It's just a horrible situation all around.

[blue-eyedspacemonkey]

I was at the train station seeing a friend off, and we were waiting on the platform and there was a child of about 3-4 who was being allowed to play and run freely around by the platfrom edge, over the yellow line (in the uk, there is a yellow line painted on platforms about 50-ish centimeters away from the edge of the platform to signify if you are over that line you are likely to get hit by a train).

 

Anyway, the mother (I assume) started calling the child to come away, and the father(again, I assume) told her "no, just leave him." and the mother did just that.

 

We just stood there in complete disbelief. Thankfully the kid got bored and went back to the parents, but dear lord above! I dread to think what could've happened.

And on a more serious (tho not related note), if the mother was that submissive over something so important as basic safety, what is the home life of the child like?

[Parsley]

^ You're kidding!! That is unbelievable. I don't dare go within half a metre of the yellow line, even now! That is so shocking. We have this sort of running joke in our family about how my brother, sister and I have inherited a heightened sense of danger concerning children from my mum's side of the family, always thinking how easily a child could do this horrible thing or that horrible thing. I'd much rather that than anything else. The thought of my nephew being allowed to run around on his own *anywhere* on a train platform gives me shivers.