I Am The Real Loser - Proof

[bertdru]

You know all these people who have had terrible childhoods and then claim that they ended up as losers?

 

Well I would say I am the real loser.

 

Reasons:

 

Good childhood

Relatively peaceful childhood with no major incidents

 

Great parents

Absolutely. They have given me everything and they have never spanked me or hurt me in any fashion

 

Good environment

Grew up in a crime free area with polite people. No teens with guns, sexual harassment and all that kind of crap in my area.

 

Good school

I went to one of the best schools in India. I was basically "expected" to be successful because I graduated from there.

 

And yet

 

I am ugly - my fault because I am fat and I never exercise

 

I am self obsessed - I only think of ME all the time

 

I dream endlessly about stuff that I am never going to achieve

 

I become jealous about successful people and imagine myself in that situation. And I do this ALL the time(yeah believe it or not).

 

I fantasise about me being a rockstar, moviestar or a successful sportsperson. But never work towards it.

 

I am selfish and I don't think much about others.

 

Honestly I don't have anbody to blame here. Yes, I am the real loser because I can only blame myself for the situation I am in. I just want to make people feel better here.

 

If you have a bad past and yet you turn out to be a productive member of society, be proud of yourself. You are much better than me. Just look at me - had a great life and yet I keep making wrong decisions and screw everything up.

[Lana0120]

Look on the bright side. If people who have had bad childhoods, bad parents, lived in a bad environment and went to crappy schools can turn around their lives, then you're in a much better position to turn your life around!

 

Unless we have extensive plastic surgery, we have to put up with the face that we're born with. I used to think I was ugly, but got over that. I'm no great beauty but you know what, I'm all right? I bet you are too. If you're overweight, truly overweight and not just feeling down on yourself, you can go on a healthier diet and exercise. Lots of people have done that. Myself included. At one time, I seriously piled on the weight and then lost 15lb. It's such a good feeling!

 

Stop thinking of yourself all the time then... look around you, think about their needs. Be more considerate. Hell, even go out and volunteer.

 

You say that you dream endlessly of things you're never going to achieve? Well, you never are going to achieve your dreams with an attitude like that! Be positive. If you think you're a good singer, then try and work towards it! If that really is just a fantasy (and we've all got them - I sometimes imagine living in a huge mansion, which is nice, but not what I really, really want deep down!), focus on the things that you really want and can achieve.

[BellaDonna]

You don't sound like a loser- you sound like you are depressed and not very happy with yourself. It seems to be an issue of self-esteem. That can happen to anyone, regardless of their past.

 

Great parents

Absolutely. They have given me everything and they have never spanked me or hurt me in any fashion

 

 

Good school

I went to one of the best schools in India. I was basically "expected" to be successful because I graduated from there.

 

 

Sometimes, when parents do "too much" for their kids, it can lead to low self-esteem in the child. Pressure to succeed can also have that same effect.

 

See: link removed

[MD Geist]

no body is perfect.

 

Just focus on the positives of your life and forget the rest of the bad things. I myself have made bad choices in life that I had to live with.

 

My life is great dispite how much iam hurting at the moment.

[Day After Today]

That doesn’t make you a looser....you have ambition that’s positive, you just need to work harder to achieve you’re goals and perhaps make some kind of action plan on how you’re going to do it...

[Tom the fool]

What in God's name do you hope to accomplish with this thread, elevator? Do you want someone to come along and say, "no, I'm worse"? To say, "don't beat yourself up so much; it's only counter-productive"? To say, "act like a man, you big baby & stop comparing yourself to others"? "Oh, thank goodness there's someone out there that's 'worse' than me. I was beating myself up until I knew about you"?

 

I mean, you know all these responses, don't you? You've heard them before (or at least dreamt them up) & come up with an answer for them all, haven't you?

 

If you want to improve your life, I have a suggestion about where you can start, but only if you want to hear it. It's really simple, easy, & will only improve your situation slightly, like adding one lit birthday candle to the cake. But it's small enough that you should be able to do it. Let me know if you are interested.

[itsallgrand]

One little change of belief can change your life.

 

I've been through extensive therapy for all kinds of crap, and am one of those folk you refer to as coming from shady backgrounds.

 

Here's the most important thing I learned, free of charge to you, and I hope you take it and start to engrain it in yourself until you truly believe it:

 

There is no possible way for a human being to be a loser.

 

No such thing.

 

There is the possibility of a human being to be living like a loser, not up to their potential and being unhappy, someone who loses at what they need and want out of life.

 

So if you are living like a loser - and you know it - good for you, now you can set about to do something about it.

 

But never, ever doubt: You can not possibly be a loser.

 

I'll tell you straight up, there were times I was living like a loser. Doing drugs. Hanging around the wrong people. No ambition. Gave up on myself and my dreams.

 

If someone talked badly to me, I'd internalize it. I'd believe them.

 

Yet, I got out of that living hell...and keep moving forward...and I am 100% convinced it all started with that realization deep inside that my core, ME, is good and can not be anything other than good.

 

And it is up to you to decide how you will view yourself, how you will value yourself, what you will believe.

 

Someone recently challenged me on this, calling me all sorts of names and saying unkind things (and some with a tiny grain of truth) - and that knowing inside, that even if some of it was correct, that I am decent and decide for myself what I am - it allowed me to deal with the situation without melting down or beating myself up.

 

If you need help to get your self esteem now to the point where you can even contemplate doing something different and having a bright future and what you want, then you might consider working on that first.

 

There are a lot of options for raising self esteem, and growing and protecting it.

 

It's not hopeless. No matter what you are facing, it is not hopeless. If you are feeling that way, that is the first thing to address. Your beliefs and attitudes about yourself and your worth.

 

It doesn't matter where you come from - we all essentially are human first, and have the same struggles. So already you share a lot with other people from all sorts of backgrounds.

 

tc.

[Day After Today]

Good answer itsallgrand

 

I'm making assumptions here, but the career choices you are attracted to are all associated with fame....perhaps this is where the problem lies....a need to be acknowledged....self esteem...if you can deal with that and focus on finding a career path and new interests the rest will probably follow....

[bertdru]

Oh yes I have dreamt them up!

 

Ok tell me the solution. I am ready to try anything. Nobody wants to be unhappy. I don't know if I will try it but still tell me.

[agent1607307371]

You aren't a loser because of any of that.

 

What makes you a loser is never putting the work in and being happy to stay miserable.

[Creative]

Interesting topic. I don't even think you're depressed. I think you're discontent with where you are right now.

 

You just want to transition out of the lazy you.

Why not put yourself in a stimulating environment and let it do the work on you?

[Tom the fool]

Okay, but it's only a suggestion. It has to do with your only thinking about yourself all the time. It seems that the really obvious thing to do about this is not to give yourself time to do this. I think you should spend time on a charity or something similar. If you take just one day a week to do something with a charitable organization, this should give you someone else to think about. The idea here is to do things for people who can't pay you back. If you do that, though, try not to tell yourself "I'm helping these people," because that turns the focus back on you.

 

On this count, it's important to honor the dead as well. You know, visit the cemetery if you've got relatives or loved-ones there. If it's close, go once a week & go alone. If you can't get to a cemetery like this for geographical reasons, think of some other way to honor the dead. In essense, look for things to do that aren't about you.

 

I don't think this will make women flock to you or help you with losing weight or get you a better job, but that's exactly the point. I think that once you are able to get some perspective, you'll have some more tools to work on the other stuff — not magic wands, but tools, you know?

[bertdru]

How do I contribute to a charitable organisation? I mean, I don't have any money, I am a student.

 

Is there any other way I can actually contribute?

[Tom the fool]

Oh, sure. I meant contributing your time, anyway. I mean, if you start making money, it doesn't hurt to set aside a certain percentage to give away, but I definitely meant time.

 

You'll have to look around your area for charitable organizations. Here's a link removed of the biggest national charities (by dollar amount). I've worked with Catholic Charities as a volunteer before & was pretty pleased with them. I've never heard anything but good things about the Heffer Project. It really depends on the sort of thing you'd want to do. Just about everybody needs fundraisers. Places that collect food need people to sort the food. Places that collect clothes need people to sort the clothes. A local homeless shelter I visited had people who just ate lunch with the homeless — just to keep the atmosphere good. But if you're a student in college, I'd bet there are some flyers pinned to walls asking for volunteers to any number of causes. Ask friends and family, look in a phonebook, search google, visit a church, go on message boards around the internet asking, "Hey, I live near X city. I'm trying to find a place to do some charity work. Anybody here ever done any of that?"

 

The other thing to keep in mind is that once you are doing some of this work, you're around people who have experience in it. So, if I went to be a table companion at the local homeless shelter, I would learn that they need teachers for some of the classes they hold for the people trying to get back on their feet. I would also learn that they do things a little differently accross the street, that down the street, there's a clinic for drug addicts, and so on.

[MikeGGG]

I used to be the exact same way. You say you are overweight...I was the same as well. One summer for some reason, I just thought I would try hitting the gym just to see what happens because I was such a loser, I had nothing better to do while all my friends were traveling or getting hooked up with girls. I bought a book on bodybuilding to get some workout tips and it totally changed my life. I didn't become like Arnold Schwarzenegger but I got lean and healthy and it gave me the confidence and motivation to work on other goals. I think if you are physically healthy it helps give you a mental edge and clears your head and helps you focus. I stopped worrying about other people's lives and focused on my own. Think about what your interests are, what your dreams are, then look at your own ability and try to set goals that are realistic. Maybe you can't be a rockstar but you can learn how to play the guitar, learn a few songs, and play at a local club or something. Hope this helps.

[Jetta]

I didn't read the responses so this may be a repeat.

 

You can take steps to achieve your dreams/goals. Audition to be famous, you do have to have a talent, but they audition all the time. Sporadocially but they're out there.

 

You may need mental health help. I too grew up in a good family, I'm the total screw up of it.