My girlfriend doesn't refer to me as boyfriend

[glow113]

Thanks for all you help. Let me explain some more.

 

She works in a lab and may get a phd student to work for her. She says that one of her rules is to never date her co-workers. I do trust her, but I did feel a little put out by not mentioning to this person, whom she may have a close work relationship with, that I was someone that she was dating. When that happened I wasn't so worried I just thought I would mention it to her later and tell her how I felt and maybe ask her why she didn't. Well, when I did she made the joke and I told her that wasn't cool, because when she has a serious topic to discuss I don't make jokes. Then we were quiet for a while. Later, when we talked she said that she was in a professional environment and that she would prefer it if her colleagues didn't know about her personal life. That if she revealed to people that she was in a relationship, or if she introduced me to people, then she would feel judged. Good or bad. She feels judgements are made when personal facts are brought up. Like her relationship status.

 

When we talked about it later that same night she kind of got mad and said that I didn't understand. I told her I felt slighted and hadn't really thought of it that way. After all, I know other people in her department and was at a party last Christmas that a lot of her co-workers were at. I didn't seem to be a big deal then.

 

I kind of felt that there was this younger attractive person showed up to her work and if there was any chance to flirt or to keep on flirting with this person, then if she shattered the illusion that she wasn't single, then it would kind of ruin it for her. I don't mind if she flirts, but we are monogamous, and if she is hiding the truth to this other person then that wouldn't be right I would think.

[lady00]

If you believe she is lying to you about her reasons then maybe you shouldn't be with her. Without the trust, it can't work. I don't know her so I can't make any judgments about her motives (what you've put down here isn't enough for me to come to the sorts of conclusions others may feel comfortable with) but it sounds like you do not believe her and in my book that's good enough reason to bail.

[orangesoda]

i've *never* heard that reasoning before (I don't want to be thought of as 'owned') - none of my girlfriends or female friends have ever used that line.

 

there are times when i've been introduced by a girl to her BF, and she doesn't say 'this is xxx, my BF', she just says 'this is xxx' BUT she makes it very clear by her body language that they're together (holding hands, standing very close, hugs, etc.)

 

your GF's behavior sounds fishy to me. I don't see how having a BF is something to be looked down upon - that is just bizarre. if anything, I would want my GF to be proud to introduce me as her BF - keeping me under wraps and hidden away like some kind of dirty secret doesn't make any sense to me.

[ladyblue07]

To be fair, if she is an ambitious professional kind of person, I CAN see her point of view on not wanting people to know she's attached. Sometimes people do look down on women for being in serious relationships if they're involved in ambitious careers because then they assume the woman will be taking a lot of time off from work for family/pregnancy reasons. That *can* impact women's careers.

I can't say if this is really your girl's reason or not, but I can see it as possible.

[DN]

I really doubt that an employer will expect that a young woman won't be in a relationship at some point - that is the norm for most people. If an employer is that concerned they won't hire in the first place.

[annie24]

i've at times heard the opposite - that people can look at singles as being too 'wild and carefree' and married or in a long term relationship people as being dependable. i can't imagine in an academic lab someone would look 'down' on her for having a bf.