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I haven't posted here since 2005, and I wished I never had to post here with my real emotions. However I have been brought down to this point again because I feel terrible. It’s basically the same thing that has happened before - rejection. I cannot even believe how often I get rejected; it has deeply got into my emotions. Thinking back since 2005, I cannot figure out how many times I have been rejected, I have no idea what it is about me that women do not find attractive about me.

I really hate having a crush for someone; I have never been with someone who I had a crush on for. Last night did the trick, I finally gathered the ‘balls’ to ask this girl out who I really liked, but she rejected me.

What I do not understand is why women need to TEASE men; it is the worst thing they do to us. I hate these false hopes, it has happened far too much. The last woman I really liked was from work. We really got along well, she always wanted my attention, very flirty (even physically), and wanted for me to walk her to her car when our work shift was over. I figured she must like me if she is going to these lengths, turns out – NOT TRUE.

She even told me I was like a brother to me, when I heard that, it was crushing. Being told that you are like someone’s brother and you really like her, is so damaging. I wish women did not tease me, the rejection just sucks. I would rather have a woman never speak to me, socialize with me, or interact with me for over five minutes if they had no desire to go out with me. Especially if they already have a boyfriend, and never mention they have one until you ask them out!

From personal experience, lots of women cannot control their constant need of male attention. They love to feel special all the time, no matter whose heart they play with. The worst are the girls who flake, make me want to blow up. I have had three girls in my life time who have accepted my offer to go out with them, but completely flake out. Not answering their phones or calling me back, and never speaking to me again. I think a rejection off the bat at an early start is worse than a flake anytime.

If you have got this far of my writing, I thank you for your willingness to listen. The only explanation to this is that I am not appealing /attractive. I have a good life, nice house to my self, nice car (2006 Mustang GT) and I just want someone to spoil, however it is not happening. I am only 22 years old and I have accomplished much with my life and I will become more successful, however it has nothing to show for since I do not have a significant other.

Any support would be greatly appreciated, I feel so terrible and such a loser that I want to scream to the heavens of why I am still so unfortunate.

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Well first, a girl doesn't want to be with someone that thinks they are a loser. That is unattractive.

Second, why are you looking for a relationship so much? Be happy being single. I've said this many times here and I'll say it again, a relationship is about sharing your happiness with someone, not depending on someone to give you happiness.

Believe me, no one wants that burden.

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I was reading a blog (written by men actually) who said that men read signals about 2 levels above where they actually are.

 

So when a woman is cool, she'll be read as being friendly, and when she's being friendly she'll be read as being flirty.

 

So try to start downplaying any signals you get, and then start looking only at those that seem really ott.

 

I will become more successful, however it has nothing to show for since I do not have a significant other.

 

That's just sad. If you really believe that of having a SO, then you aren't successful at all. So stop putting your accomplishments down, and learn to like yourself.

 

Also, women can smell desperate. It's off-putting.

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I know exactly what you mean.

 

However, it's one of those vices women have and deny... and they get away with it. I've had lots of women lead me on... and then they end up falling for some jerkhole with no personality who treats them like little more than arm candy and a sex object. I know it's rough, but women like that are horrible and have absolutely no empathy towards how tough it is for some of us meeker guys to even man up enough to talk to them. It's horrible, I know, but such women don't deserve any of my attention, and in a way, deserve to have their heart broken in order to learn some sort of lesson. Cold, maybe, but at least I don't lead on women... I let them know straight-up that I'm not interested. However, out of the humbleness of my heart, I wish the best for them.

 

All I can say is, enjoy what you do have. I have so much less; I'm bad with money, still live with my mother, live to sing and wanna be in a band and have nothing to show for it, can't do anything right, work a job I hate, and get criticized by everybody for stuff I already take fault for. I know a lot of guys your age who don't even have HALF of what you do. Falling for women hurts (I know that firsthand) but all I can advise is to work on your defenses so that you don't fall into that trap as easily. Maybe you might end up colder and harder-to-get, but it'll make you stronger in the end. Don't let the desire of some lady downplay your accomplishments... it'll tear you inside out and leave you beaten and bruised. Believe me, the same thing has happened to me, and now I'm almost completely broken.

 

Hang in there, man. A lot of guys feel like us.

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A woman will not add some magical aspect to your life. They are not perfect, they do not inherently bring some ridiculous amount of joy, and they alone will not make you happy.

 

Most relationships fail, most are incredibly taxing, few translate into years of success, and all require hard work.

 

The image that some guys have of SO's and women is just crazy to me. They think they're going to be watching sunsets, rolling around in the grass, reading the morning paper sipping coffee, etc. etc. etc.

 

No, you will have someone telling you that you are too messy, have loud friends, should go to church on sundays, should be nicer to their parents, should love their presidential candidate, etc. etc. etc. THAT'S more typical of a relationship. Lots of little annoying crap.

 

There isn't anything magical about it. All you need to do is enjoy life and the journey that it takes you on, and if in your path you meet someone that you totally click with, so be it.

 

However, sitting around manifesting this fantastic fantasy life that comes with a SO is both counterproductive and a lie. Your self-worth is not in any way, shape, or form connected to whoever's holding your hand.

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Teasing or leading someone on is not a female-specific behavior. Plenty of men are guilty of being less than honest with their intentions as well. And to say that your personal experience has led you to believe that we females cannot control our need for male attention just makes me think that you are hanging out with the wrong kind of females. Maybe what you need to change is the girls you are attracted to.

 

Your low self-esteem is going to hinder you. Do you have friends or family that you can talk to about ways to make yourself more appealing to women? Ask them for the truth. It may be hard to hear, but you can get some feedback that you probably need. I know guys like you; they are perfectly nice guys but not making the most of what they've got, and often they try too hard. The people here can't really tell you what's going on without actually knowing you, so take advantage of any female friends you have and try to find out what's really going on.

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Thank you for all your support everyone, especially CynicalGuitarist. Perhaps my standards are too high for what I find in a woman I am attractive to. I'm sorry bulletproof, but you sound just like any girl who has told me "Not all girls are like that", but you are right that maybe I should ask a good friend of how I appeal to girls. My best friend has been most supportive regarding this topic, I'm still upset of my rejection, it's like whenever I get rejected, all the rejections in my life-time all come to my head.

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I say this because it's true- not all women are like that, no. Your friend is right. And the more you think that women are like that, the worse your attitude towards them will be, and they will sense it. One of the most basic facts of life is that in order to be liked, we have to genuinely like people. It's reciprocal. This is true for friendships, work relationships, dating, all of that. The guys who do the best with dating usually really like women, are comfortable with them, and don't see them as an untrustworthy gender out to hurt men.

 

Everyone gets rejected and sometimes it can do a number on our self-esteem. You just have to remember that even the most successful people have dealt with rejection, and if you get rejected fifty times it is usually worth the one time that you finally succeed. That's just how life is sometimes. Try to focus on yourself and becoming a well-rounded person so that you have plenty to offer someone when you start dating.

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