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young couple in mist of divorce.. looking for insight


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OK, I will make a long story kind of short... husband 27, me 25


-met on the net 6 years ago (i was 19, he was 21)

-he had a gf with whom he was living with at the time for 2 years (in a bad relationship)

-moved in after 6 months of talking and 1 month of ex moving out (he was an international student and lived where I wanted to go to school and where we both graduated from) (that was the initial reason to move down)

-I fall in love

-I find out he has a bad temper

-first year I move in his EX from above wont stop calling him (and he wont stop calling her saying if i don't call she will call here blah blah)

-I am heart broken I move out for a month (in with some mutual friends)

-I move back in EX stops calling

-We move on

-I find him talking to girls on the net behind my back (confront him he denies it to this day although I have still found him doing in the past year)

-We move on

-We get married a year and a half after I move in with out anyone knowing (because I loved him and he loved me and if he got his green card school situation would be easier and it was the right time for us but not our families)

-love life goes down hill (and stays down, i am young and still need that told him and he does nothing about it)

-His tempers worsen (I am not one to lay down and take it, but i am also not one to fight fire with fire, so i always tried to understand but there is only so much can one person understand)

-We tell my family we are just engaged (still have not told them we are married I think they know just want to wait until we say something)

-We do not say anything to his family about it (he says they would be upset because , well i do not even remember the reason)

-He consistently says I will move back (to where his parents are and where he is from ((his parents have a lot of money)), up until about a year ago I always said stay, good things take hard work and time, now i say if that is what you want than i am ok with that)

-I am feeling distant in the relationship (I am so broke down i don't want to put any more effort into the relationship)

-We get in arguments a lot over everything

-I finally said after he pushed me and got on top of me and insulted my family I said i am done i am leaving and you can do what ever you want)

-We talk and he acts differently (he is a very giving person, and caring if anyone ever needs anything he will give it too them that is why i fell in love with him he wears his emotions on his sleeve)


NOW he is back in his home country for three months visiting his family, i thought time away is good. I have started talking on the net again (it is so bad of me) and i am getting back into shape> and I feel as if i don't know what to do... I am going to see him in aug i have been there 5 times. A part of me does not even want to go and a part of me does. He is finally listening to me but is it too late for me,, I dont know if i should end it now and save my self from another 5 hard years which would make 10! I am just looking for some insight because i am so lost....](*,)

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The details don't matter very much. You have outgrown this relationship and want more now. Go and find what you are looking for.

Relationships in general have no chance unless you have a firm foundation in who you are and what you want first. Develop YOU first.

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He cheated on his live-in girlfriend when he was chatting with you...it is not surprising that he started doing the same with you. He is verbally abusive and that changed to physical abuse. I think this relationship needs to be terminated..he has proven over and over again the kind of person he is...a user (marriage for green card), a cheater and an abuser. Right now he is being good...but abusers don't stay good for very long...and many abusers have the nice face they show to the public while being dreadful behind closed doors. I would say it is time to end this relationship...the fact that it remained a secret marriage for so long is very telling.

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