What does he want?

[orchidrose]

I've gone on a few dates with a guy that I met through an Internet dating site. We actually started talking last winter, but apparently he had recently met someone else, and became involved with her very quickly. We didn't talk again until a few weeks ago, and he quickly suggested actually meeting for the first time. We had great first and second dates - conversation never stopped, and I had a nice time.

 

For the third date, I went over to his place, and we slept together. I feel like this might have been too soon, but at the time, it felt right. I was still kind of unsure about how I felt about him; he's very different from any guy I've ever been interested in, but I did enjoy spending time with him. Since then we've seen each other three or four more times. Each time has been late at night (he's very busy; works as a leasing agent during the day and does theatre at night), he's been drunk a few times, and we usually only manage to hang out on my couch for 10 minutes before we start ripping each other's clothes off.

 

We do share some more romantic kisses, cuddle on the couch, etc., but he hasn't shown me much outright romantic behavior. He's been even busier than usual this week and the frequency of text messages and phone calls has dropped off dramatically. He's apologized a few times and said he's not avoiding me, he's just too busy to check in. I got my first real job this week and he's told me he's going to take me out to a very fancy dinner next week to celebrate, but I haven't talked to him in a few days and am getting frustrated. In the time that we haven't been seeing each other regularly, I really have missed him, and I feel like my romantic affection for him is growing.

 

Any clues on what's going on here? Is it all about the sex, and he's really "not that into me?"

[orchidrose]

Not at all. I've been doing the meaningless sex thing with my ex for several months now and while it works just fine, I was really looking for a relationship at this point..

[orchidrose]

Yeah, I've been trying. I've actually been really good about staying away from him when he stays away from me; he's been initiating all the contact, and he seems happy to talk to me when he does. I'm willing to work at it for a bit, but I just don't want to get stuck on him if nothing's going to happen.

 

Also, I can see the short attention span bit as being totally true.

[orchidrose]

It's been all him. Usually it's last minute and casual, but on a few occasions he's called the day after we've seen each other and asks when he can see me again. He has checked in almost everyday, just not as much as he had been - for example, we used to exchange probably 20 texts a day, talk online for a few minutes, and he would call on his way home at the end of the night. The last few days it's been a few minutes of online chatting and one or two texts.

 

We haven't discussed being exclusive. On Monday (the last time I saw him) he helped me return a TV - admittedly a pretty boyfriend-ly thing to do, and all of the salesclerks thought we were together - and I had planned on bringing exclusivity up to him the next time I saw him. He came over that night after a concert, so he was drunk, and I didn't want to bring it up then. He deleted his profile right after he met me, saying he was sick of the online dating scene and joking that he was pinning all of his hopes on me. I still have mine up, and all of my stuff says I'm single, though from the way I talk about him, my friends all assume that we're an actual couple.

 

Sticky situation, eh?