Ex still ugly after 8 years

[ohwe8it2]

I've been divorced for 8 years, and filed 1 1/2 years before that. It was an especially ugly (but then, what divorce isn't) and I am not able to have any sort of relationship with him because he has never been able to speak to me for more than a minute without being verbally abusive, even after all these years. In that time, I have gotten one child thru college, see him start a great career, become a wonderful human being, and is engaged to be married in January. The younger 17 year old is also a very well adjusted, great guy. I am still with the same man I had been friends with for years before the divorce, started dating while filing, and am very happy with my life with him. My kids have always liked him, and he has done a wonderful job helping me raise these kids all these years. I feel so happy to have found a fun and interesting companion to grow old with.

 

My ex, however, hasn't faired quite so well. He has lived on friends and family's couches all these years, had so many short term dead end jobs I rarely have seen any child support, and when he still lived in the area, made a full time job of stalking me, speaking very badly of me and my boyfriend to whoever would listen, even to the children. Yesterday, after the kids and son's finace spent the fourth of July at my oldest son's house with my ex, my youngest told me the fiance told them the ex talked to her for a long period of time about what a terrible person I am, in sordid detail. Their response to her was "you just have to expect that from dad, he just does that and we don't even take notice to him when he does that anymore." I'm sure he has undiagnosed, untreated mental health problems, and my boyfriend keeps telling me people just have to see how unstable he is when he goes off on these rants, and we can do nothing but pity him at this point.

 

I'm so sick of this. My soon to be daughter in law and family are very wonderful people, and it seems so wrong to me that my ex just continues to act so crazy after all these years. I so much want him to just stop this and move on--I'm so angry he did this to my son's young finance. Any thoughts on this??

[bijoux27]

You mentioned how he might be mentally ill, so I hope he gets help soon. Maybe you can get someone who knows him to push him into getting help.

[Stella Sleepwalks]

Why do your kids want him around? He sounds like a nightmare who needs a few home truths kicked into him.

[greywolf]

If I were your children, I wouldn't even hang out my 'father' anymore. hahahah which is like my life right now.

[CatsMeeoow]

Like your kids said ---- everyone sees through it and so will the soon to be new wife and her family.

 

They will respect your behavoir and quite honestly appreciate and admire it given years of adversity. I have an ex from hell too... trust me... they all figure it out... my son's teachers, medical personal, therapists... even his own attorney at one point removed himself from the situation...

 

You will look like such a rock in their eyes by just looking past the behavior and looking after yourself and your kids.

 

I know it's tough... it totally sucks and you just want to stand up and shout and say this man is slime but just let it go because they will know! He knows how to push your buttons... so did mine! I would over react to the extreme! Don't give him the satisfaction!

 

Hugs