Can we work this out, or is it too late?

[Snoopy24]

Bingo. Actions speak louder then words.

 

You have a good head on those shoulders. Don't wait around for a tomorrow that may never come.

 

Thanks.

 

I think I'm going to bring up the counseling as our final option, and see how that goes.

 

I've always been against any type of psychiatrists/ counselors, but I guess it can't hurt, nothing else has helped.

[lonelygemini]

Just my thoughts…

 

This is why I don’t make new male friends. My SO gets super jealous, plus, in the end, the guy usually tries to weasel his way into my relationship. I don’t need new male friends. Actually, I need female friends, but that’s besides the point. My current male friends are still a bone of contention when it comes up, but we deal with it as it come up.

 

Also, I don’t believe in the concept of “the one”. I believe that there are a certain section people that are compatible with you, perhaps for the time they are compatible with you. My ex wasn’t “the one”, but I sure as heck needed him during the time of my life that I did. When I took the leap to break up with him, I felt like I wasted 2.5 years of my life, I’m not getting younger, I’m not gonna get married and have babies like I wanted to, etc.

 

Less than 2 years later I’m getting married and having a baby. Not exactly zen timing for me, but I do believe my SO would make a great father to our baby, even if he’s a trying SO at times.

 

I haven’t read all your threads, though, so this is just from my limited view.

[riley123]

This is why I don’t make new male friends. My SO gets super jealous, plus, in the end, the guy usually tries to weasel his way into my relationship. I don’t need new male friends.

 

I just don't understand why people would tolerate this type of behavior. Why should a man (or a woman) be allowed to dictate who you can be friends with?

 

You’re selling yourself short of developing long-lasting and potentially meaningful relationships just because 'he' doesn't approve.

 

I don't get it.

[Snoopy24]

That's for your input.

 

well I can understand him getting jealous with the guy from Maine.

 

But my other handful of guy friends, I have known for years, and he never had a problem with them until recently. ..and he's met them all and liked them.

 

I agree.. I as well don't think there is one person for everyone. I just feel I have put SO much time and effort into this relationship, that it HAS to work.

 

I have had two 3 1/2 year relationships, and I feel like I learned so much from them, and I don't think it was a "waste" of almost 8 years. But for some reason if I ended it for good with my current bf, I would think it was a waste, just because I tried so hard to make it work. If that makes any sense haha.

[Sparkle]

Hi Snoopy

 

It can be the case that when someone cheats, they often feel insecure because they are waiting for the offended party to cheat right back!

 

I think it could be, because they have a deceptive personality (yr bf quite clearly does) they often assume that most people are just like them and so are capable of the same.

 

It doesnt really bode well for the longerterm.

 

It seems you are thinking purely of the loss from the investment you have put into this relationship. But what you need to ask yourself is how much you are really getting out of it. (now, right now)

 

Ive always been a bit of an optimist, and this is sometimes very detrimental.

How long do you plan to stay in what you could call a hopeful relationship? Where you are spending your time hoping for things to improve in the future? and basically youre not actually happy with the relationship you have right now - 5 years, 10 years???

 

Ive always had a hard time understanding that relationships should be easy, and just work. (Probably because most of mine havent been easy!) Yes we all need to give and take somewhat, but I mean without thinking that you have to put so much work in that one day, youre finally gonna get the relationship that you want.

 

Perhaps you need to find someone who has similar morals and values to you, then you may not feel that you have to work so hard.

[V01D]

I know I was wrong to have feelings for someone. I'm not denying that. It just happened. But on the other hand I was open and honest about the whole situation, and I got past it. I won't stop talking to him, because he has turned into a good friend. *and I have known him since I was 13 btw. But recently got reaquanted. I talk to his brother and mom almost just as much. We are all really close.

Oh wow! YOU got past it!? Great! Please. Means nothing. Fact is if you won't stop talking to him, you cannot blame your bf for anything.

 

 

And the fact that I told my bf I had feelings gives him absolutely no right to invade my privacy and lie to my face about something I already knew. I have never given him a reason not to trust me.

Yes, it actually does give him that right. And, yes, you have given him a reason to not trust you.

 

He lied for 3 months straight while he cheated. About talking to her, where he was..etc. And ok that's the past, but he still lies about little things constantly and big things once in awhile. But the thing is most of his lies are things I KNOW he lies about 100% and he always admits it long after the fact. So it makes me wonder what else he lies about, that I DON"T know?

"It just happened". Your excuse is no better.

[thejigsup]

Let's see: You stay with him and marry him. He cheats every once in awhile but begs for you back and you take him back. You have kids and they watch this happen time and time again, really makes them insecure. Kids get older; son treats his girlfriens like dad treated you. Daughter lets men treat her like dad treated you. You and him share something special, an STD. You get sick and die. He follows close behind you. Kids keep on like they have been and the cycle starts anew. Do you really want this? For you? For any kids you would have? Think real hard about this.

[Snoopy24]

Oh wow! YOU got past it!? Great! Please. Means nothing. Fact is if you won't stop talking to him, you cannot blame your bf for anything.

 

 

Yes, it actually does give him that right. And, yes, you have given him a reason to not trust you.

 

"It just happened". Your excuse is no better.

 

hahaha. umm okay, nobody is perfect. Yes I developed feelings for someone, but i was completely honest with him right off the bat. And I didn't act on my feelings.

 

And no I won't stop talking to him, bc we are good friends. I don't ever see him, and when I do eventually it wil be with all my family.

 

So I yes, I CAN blame my boyfriend for lying, threatening to hurt someone, and being very deceitful.

[Snoopy24]

Let's see: You stay with him and marry him. He cheats every once in awhile but begs for you back and you take him back. You have kids and they watch this happen time and time again, really makes them insecure. Kids get older; son treats his girlfriens like dad treated you. Daughter lets men treat her like dad treated you. You and him share something special, an STD. You get sick and die. He follows close behind you. Kids keep on like they have been and the cycle starts anew. Do you really want this? For you? For any kids you would have? Think real hard about this.

 

He did cheat in the beginning, and that is still a HUGE issue with me.

 

But like I said, I am pretty certain he wouldn't cheat again. If you read me past threads about the cheating it was not like he met some random girl and cheated on me. It was with his ex of 4 years that the relationship ended right before we met. -and she is dying. So not like it is an excuse, but I know he wouldn't cheat again.

 

yes, his past cheating is an issue, but i'm not worried he would cheat in the future. I don't believe in the phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater" -that's not true for everyone.

[nicky8989]

I think we have similar problems...i love my bf so much, but past issues make it hard to be trusting and have a good future, despite whats happened. so far, i think your doing well. you seem to know the problems, and know pretty much what you want from your head, or heart. i think you just need to make a decision on what to do: break up, or dont break up. whichever you choose, prepare urself to go in with a clean slate. break up or not, you need to focus on the future.