Why would their reasons change?

[Bigbilly]

Long story short, two years a girlfriend I had broke up with me. I'm over it, but something has struck me as baffling.

 

Her reasons for ending the relationship have changed five or six times now in the last two years. At the time she said it was a lack of love and that she wanted to be single (she had developed a crush on a player, who did wind up using her a week after our relationship ended).

 

The reasons have changed gradually. First it was that she had 'fallen out of love' and then it became wanting to be young and single even though within three months of our relationship ending she began another long-term relationship. And now I've discovered through the grapevine she's been telling people I was abusive and controlling.

 

Abusive!?! Controlling? I never laid an unkind hand on her, or ever exerted any sort of mental abuse on her!

 

Can someone explain this to me? This abuse thing isn't something you can throw around flippantly, and I'm genuinely confused.

[Whiskers]

Maybe she's trying to convince herself that she was right in finishing the relationship. It's possible she's still got unfinished business due to the following relationships and realised that she threw something good away. The more she blames you, the more she'll believe it and the better she'll feel.

 

Stay away from her

XXXX

[CallingAllAngels]

I can see where you would be concerned, but it's been 2 years now. You cannot control what she tells other people. If people confront you with the abuse issue, all you can do is clear the air with them. No point in confronting her 2 years later, because it will escalate into a fight and you probably WILL come accross as abusive.

 

Obviously, this girl has some issues.

 

Sorry this happened to you.

 

My best,

 

~Allie

[KAT MOMMY]

F her bro-she's silly, young and very immature-you were the best man she has had and she's miserable for leaving you. She doesn't even know who she is and that's so not a go. I would tell her that the relationship is done and over and she needs not to be spreading rumors about you to damage your image/ She is insecure and so not so happy with the way things are going in her life.

 

Don't feel bad to be glad that you made the right descion by not going back to her.

You are on top now and you have won the battle consider yourself lucky

[Lana0120]

Couldn't agree more.

 

F her bro-she's silly, young and very immature-you were the best man she has had and she's miserable for leaving you. She doesn't even know who she is and that's so not a go. I would tell her that the relationship is done and over and she needs not to be spreading rumors about you to damage your image/ She is insecure and so not so happy with the way things are going in her life.

 

Don't feel bad to be glad that you made the right descion by not going back to her.

You are on top now and you have won the battle consider yourself lucky

[tylercdurden2004]

Where did you get the info she said you were abusive? Careful of your resources.

 

If its true I would end all contact with her. No need for that drama. It will only bring you down.

[karvala]

People's stated reasons for ending relationships often change over time, to fit in with their current way of thinking. In reality, the reasons given for ending relationships are often just post-hoc guesses, or even just made up because the person being dumped wanted to hear something and the person ending the relationship had no real clue why they were doing it, or didn't want to tell the truth. If it's not true in the first place, you shouldn't be surprised when it's revised later down the line to something else that's not true either. It's just a convenience for her, not necessarily something she really believes or at least not something she will continue to believe. Just wait for it to change again to something better.

[Meatyka]

Where did you get the info she said you were abusive? Careful of your resources.

 

If its true I would end all contact with her. No need for that drama. It will only bring you down.

 

I agree, ending contact with her would be best, you wont have to put up with her Bull, and you will be happier as you wont know the bad things she is saying.

[Bigbilly]

Yeah, I haven't spoken to her directly in over two years. An aquaintance of hers was in the same college program as mine, so I indirectly got word of the abuse thing from him.

 

And you're right ...confronting her would just lead to a huge fight and I probably would come accross as actually being abusive. I'm over the breakup, but it just rankles me that she's continuing to lie and attack me. This really isn't all ...she's been seeing a therapist lately because of a lot of emotional struggles she has, and somehow a lot of attacks on me have come out of it.

 

I won't admit to being perfect, and I know I could be short with her at times, but who isn't on occasion? She was a bit of a basket case and it really tried my patience sometimes. I tried my very best to make her happy and help her get past her problems, and always being left feeling like nothing was good enough.

 

How can it not rankle when you put so much out there for someone once and find out years later they're talking about you like you really were abusive and mean? I won't ever confront her on it because there's no real reason too, but this will bother me for a while yet.

[CallingAllAngels]

Well, since you heard it 2nd hand, you don't even know it to be true.

 

Since YOU know you were NOT abusive to her, you should let it roll off you like water off a duck's back.

 

Everytime you think of it, just tell yourself that you do not know if that is true, or if that is just 2nd hand news.

 

And who cares? Don't let someone from 2 years ago get under your skin now.

[Coffee80]

Sorry this has happened to you.but after two years this shudnt matter anymore.she seems confused forever,so why waste your precious time.she cant even be honest about why she moved on...is such a person worth it?