Getting jealous

[chibuku2000]

Hi, i'm just looking for a bit of advice, maybe a female perspective on a problem i've got.

I love my girlfriend to bits, I try to do everything I can to make her happy, but I keep on finding myslef getting increasingly jealous, and I wanted to sort this out before it ends up ruining our relationship.

I'm happy when my girlfriend goes out with her mates, has some drinks and goes patying - the problem is that she gets a lot of male attention, from random guys in bars/clubs which I can live with, but also from guys she works with, and particularly from a number of ex-boyfriends who keep on texting and calling her.

I trust her completely - i'm sure she would never cheat on me, but whenever I see these guys names pop up on her phone, or they call her when she's with me, I just start getting really angry with the situation, and inevitably take it out on her.

I've told her that it really upsets me that she's still talking to / texting these guys, but I can't dictate to her who she should be talking to, and, as she still speaks to the ex's on occasions, I just wondered if anyone had any advice on how best to deal with this situation so that it doesn't ruin my relationship with her?

Thanks

[riley123]

I trust her completely.

 

You need to think about this statement. Of course, you want to think you trust her 100% no questions asked, but if that were true then you wouldn't be experiencing these emotions.

 

The good news is that you’ve recognized this behavior – now comes the hard part, changing it. You are dating a pretty and social girl; good for you! But unfortunately, these are the breaks.

 

The best thing you can do is expand your own social circle outside of your girlfriend. I’m not saying run out and put in a bunch of girls numbers into your cellphone, but make a conscious effort to live a life rich and full that includes your girlfriend and let her do the same.

[Taking The Lead]

Yeah man, theres nothing you can do here. Tell her how you feel then the best bet is to begin expanding your social circle so she has to compete

[Fisch]

WARNING. Abort insecure behavoir immediately unless you want to risk losing your girlfriend. Lol. Instead of doing everything you can to make her happy, do everything you can to make you happy (which will in fact in turn be doing everything you can to make her happy ultimately).

 

Suspicion is not always ungrounded, but insecurity is not suspicion. There is no reason to plague yourself with behavoir that represents an inseucre mindset. If you think she is cheating on you then put out the consequences that run to your principles (break up or make up). If you say you trust her, then act like it. How is she supposed to trust YOU, if you say you trust her but act as if you do not?

 

On a more philosophical note. You should be in charge of your own hapiness and have the motivation to lead your own purpose in life, she should be there to make you happier not to make you happy. In other words, release your need to change her, accept how she is and let her ups and downs wash against you like the waves of an ocean, but dont let them knock you down. If you can do that then you can be free to give the gift of your love. You shouldnt expand your social circle to "make her compete". You should do it to make YOU happy so that you can release unwanted needyness.

 

If you really feel like she is crossing the line and betraying your values, then you guys dont work together.