pumpkinmoon Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 ....this is really bugging me! Only a small problem here but it's rather irritating so I thought I would see what some of you thought anyway.. When my BF dumped me his bro's GF deleted me from he friends list on facebook which I thought was a bit harsh. We we're the best of friends or anything like that but we did talk to each other and would go out in groups on nights out sometimes. To be honest she isn't my fav person for various reasons but I was always polite and friendly. I think she feels the same way. Anyway, now that me and my ex are working things out I have a friend request from her again. I knew it would only be a matter of time really but it's really bugged me that she deleted me when he dumped me and didn't say another word to me in 3 months and now I'm back on the scene she wants to add me again? GRRRRRRR!!!! I did say to myself that when the time came I would send her a message saying I wasn't going to add her as there was no reason for her to delete me in the first place but I really do not want any conflict no matter how small. SOOOO what do I do? I know this is really petty and stupid but thanks for reading Link to comment
Whiskers Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 You don't have to accept. She's pretty much made it clear where her loyalty lies and what type of person she is. You wouldn't be petty if you ignored it and simply continued doing what you are doing...who needs a friend (even a distant one) who picks you up and drops you whenever she feels like it...find a more mature friend. XXXX Link to comment
Meatyka Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 Why should you have some one on facebook who is just playing you around? Dont accept her, and if she asks why just tell her, there was no reason for her to delete you in the first place. Link to comment
DN Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 She was probably being loyal to her boyfriend and his brother - sometimes people think it necessary to choose sides. I can see why she might have thought it better not to be chatting to you under the circumstances. Now you are working things out the situation has changed again. For the sake of easier relationships all around I advise letting it go. Link to comment
TheButterfly Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I'd agree with DN. I wouldn't think it's malicious, she just thought that was the best thing to do at the time. Accept the olive branch, don't make life tougher for no reason. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 Hmmmm....this is a tough one. I would be the bigger person and accept her invitation to facebook. Do you HAVE to? NO. But, it would make things SMOOTHER between you and your ex. In the LONG run, it's just a silly website. What's most important is that you and your ex work things out. If it doesn't work out, you can always delete her, right hon? Good luck, and keep us posted! ~Allie Link to comment
greensleeves Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 If you want to keep things easygoing with your boyfriend, I'd add her. If you don't she may end up making a big deal out of it with your boyfriend's brother, so why not. To me, facebook friends aren't REAL friends (maybe I'm too old to get it ) Just because you have her on facebook, doesn't mean you need to have a close relationship with her. Be a classier person than her...you'll look better in everyone's eyes. Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 Personally - its all water under the bridge... If you and your bf stick it out this time you will have to learn to accept this person if she continues to be with your bf's brother... why not just start fresh? I think you are being petty... think about it... wouldn't you want your "friend" to do the same to him if you broke up??? that is support you??? Let it go and move one... you've got your guy back... the rest shouldn't really matter... it seems like you are still focousing on your bruised pride more than anything else. You're a lucky girl! Just remember that! Link to comment
Belle Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I find it interesting that when one person says something, the rest all fall in line. I don't think you're being petty for your feelings at all. I think this girl that deleted you off facebook was. When you were alone and "dumped", she stuck the knife in deeper, as part of a group. It's the wolf pack mentally and I don't respect it. I personally wouldn't want anything to do with her. If you were petty, you'd respond with an over the top negative. I simply wouldn't respond at all. I wouldn't want to cause conflict, but I'm not going to smoothe something over that I did not initiate. Link to comment
Nixee Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 Hmmmm....this is a tough one. I would be the bigger person and accept her invitation to facebook. Do you HAVE to? NO. But, it would make things SMOOTHER between you and your ex. In the LONG run, it's just a silly website. What's most important is that you and your ex work things out. If it doesn't work out, you can always delete her, right hon? Good luck, and keep us posted! ~Allie I agree with this. But I completely see how you feel.... it is very frustrating. I think the bottom line is... how much time are you going to be spending around your b/f's brother and his g/f in person and how awkward would this make it? Do you want to create unnecessary drama? It seems like she created a little in the first place by dropping you so quickly the first time, but snubbing her now would just be a clear case of getting her back when your focus instead should be repairing things with your ex right? And in most cases, that includes all the people who come with him in order to keep things smooth Good luck Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I find it interesting that when one person says something, the rest all fall in line. I don't think you're being petty for your feelings at all. I think this girl that deleted you off facebook was. When you were alone and "dumped", she stuck the knife in deeper, as part of a group. It's the wolf pack mentally and I don't respect it. I personally wouldn't want anything to do with her. If you were petty, you'd respond with an over the top negative. I simply wouldn't respond at all. I wouldn't want to cause conflict, but I'm not going to smoothe something over that I did not initiate. I agree with Belle. I think you should wait until she expresses some kind of apology/remorse for deleting you in the first place; despite the "pressure" to choose sides, she could have sent you a pm or whatever to let you know that there were no hard feelings between you two. I am all for "water under the bridge" and "being the bigger person," BUT obviously this bugs you and what I am NOT for is sweeping things under the rug simply for the sake of maintaining peace. Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I can see it on both sides. On the one hand, it's not like she was a relative of your ex, so deleting you from facebook seems extreme. On the other hand, as DN said, she may have done it out of loyalty (especially as you two weren't the best of buds or anything). After all, we don't know what went on behind the scenes. Maybe she got pressure to delete you from her list. Maybe your ex kept asking her to look at what you were doing or something? Who knows. Link to comment
DN Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 "To err is human, to forgive divine" Just let it go - there is no need to escalate a situation. Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 ^ It will only become escalated if the brother's gf creates a huge scene over the OP NOT accepting. Maybe she will, maybe she wont. Plus why is it so bad to want some kind of acknowledgment for hurt feelings? Link to comment
DN Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 ^ It will only become escalated if the brother's gf creates a huge scene over the OP NOT accepting. Maybe she will, maybe she wont. Plus why is it so bad to want some kind of acknowledgment for hurt feelings? It's not bad. It's just sometimes better to let things go for the greater good. Not every wrong has to be righted nor every hurt assuaged. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I find it interesting that when one person says something, the rest all fall in line. I don't think you're being petty for your feelings at all. I think this girl that deleted you off facebook was. When you were alone and "dumped", she stuck the knife in deeper, as part of a group. It's the wolf pack mentally and I don't respect it. I personally wouldn't want anything to do with her. If you were petty, you'd respond with an over the top negative. I simply wouldn't respond at all. I wouldn't want to cause conflict, but I'm not going to smoothe something over that I did not initiate. I absolutely agree with this. Her true colours showed. If she really was a friend to you she wouldn't have dropped you like that. I personally would just ignore her request and simply be polite and friendly when you see her but know that she is no friend to you. This kind of crap happens all the time amongst "friends". There is a leader of the pack and if the leader has a falling out with a member of the "pack" then the other "pack members" follow their "leader" and shun the person as well. I have no respect for people who choose their friends based on the viewpoints of a perceived "leader". Link to comment
DN Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 no one is saying this woman isn't a good friend. that's obvious. but, since they are dating the brothers, what's the point in having a feud? better for the OP to file it in the back of her mind that this girl isn't a 'true friend' and to just accept that and move on. they can try to be pleasant, and accepting a facebook invite isn't very hard. I agree. The relationship with this woman isn't necessarily important on its own - but in the larger context of trying to mend the relationship with her ex-boyfriend it becomes a potential problem that is best avoided. When people break-up, family and friends tend to side with their family member of friend. When you get back together it is better to be friendly to them otherwise it just puts more strain on the relationship. Holding a grudge isn't going to help anybody - and it may damage the relationship with her boyfriend unnecessarily. Look at the bigger picture and what is really important. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I see the point DN and Annie are making in not turning the Facebook think into a big deal. I am not a Facebook person and really don't understand the subtle nuances of top of list, bottom of list, adding friends, deleting friends etc. Personally I find it ridiculous that people put much stock into this whole Facebook thing and fights happen over this. I guess the OP can be a bigger person and say sure let's be Facebook friends...I just have to wonder where this Facebook stuff ends...I mean what happens of the OP gets into a fight with the boyfriend...will this fake friend start shifting the OP to the bottom of the list to show her displeasure. The whole thing is just ridiculous and I don't get it. It just seems to me that Facebook has just allowed people to find new ways to be petty and cruel. Link to comment
HNR Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I find this thread VERY interesting. A similar thing happened to me, but in reverse...... When my ex broke up with me, two female wives of a couple of his friends and one of his male friends actually ADDED me to their contacts. One really lovely wife, was all *hugs* and "everything will work out for you". I was touched. She even suggested she, her husband and baby visit (as they were travelling to my area soon) and when I said it might be inappropriate, she said that they intended to keep us both as friends (even though they were his friends first). I can understand the OP's frustration. I think the gf was petty in the extreme. Why delete her at all? That's deep! I don't think it's about loyalty at all - it's about being an adult. However, I agree with the 'be a better person' consensus. I bet the gf regrets her actions and is trying to make amends. At least I hope so! Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 I'd ignore it. Let her ask you directly then discuss the reasons she deleted you. She sounds very childish and petty. Link to comment
greywolf Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 I think that anyone who would be upset with me because I didn't want to add them on facebook/myspace/hi5/friendster/any social networking thing isn't really worth my time. It's the friggin internet! If they really care about me then they have my phone number. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 Thank you all for your replies. I probably will add her back eventually. I don't even go looking through my friends list to see who I can delete so the fact that she had it in mind to delete me without even coming accross me is very petty indeed. Don't you dare add that insignificant trollope! Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted July 14, 2008 Author Share Posted July 14, 2008 lol that made me laugh badman, I was going to mention in my last post that I hate the girl but didn't want to come accross as PETTY! GRRRR what a cow! Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 Just ignore her request. You can still be cordial to her should you see out. But she's not your friend. You two never talk online anyway. Don't give her the satisfaction that you'll be her "buddy" at any simple request. Link to comment
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