After Boyfriend/Fiance Cheated I Have Been Miserable and Drinking Daily

[PrettyTallGirl]

I am not trying to have pity on myself about this whole thing but since I found out my boyfriend/fiance cheated on me and we broke up, I have been absolutely miserable and drinking a pint of liquor everyday and its terrifying because is something I don't want to do at all. He even changed his number and I think he is with the other woman now. I just don't see how people cope with things like this. I swear if any of you are thinking of cheating, for the love of God please don't do it. PLEASE. Have any of you turned to alcohol? I know this is a very cowardly thing to do but I almost cannot control it.

[Reilly2856]

Though alcohol may seem to numb your pain, it is only a temporary relief. By using alcohol to deal with the situation, you are hindering your recovery. Instead, try to surround yourself with family and friends who can help you deal with this difficult situation. If that doesn't work, get connected with a good therapist. It must be really difficult to deal with the fact that someone who you loved very much and trusted very much could do this to you. It just goes to show you that sometimes the people we love the most have the power to hurt us the most. However, it doesn't mean that you should throw your life away for someone who not only shows no remorse but is actually with the other woman. If someone has put such little value on your relationship, why mourn the loss of someone such as him. Instead, thank God that you have found out his real character before the marriage. Just think how horrible it would be if this happened after you guys committed to each other through your vows. The best thing to do now is to lean on others, instead of alcohol. You need to move on completely. Alcohol only provides temporary relief...yet, you will never get past this situation if you don't get the help now...you need to talk this out with someone, cry yourself out, and then put yourself back together and start life fresh...without him.

[Rabican]

I drank a little bit when I broke up with my then fiance, and now current fiance. We broke up, got back together... things are good now.

 

During the breakup.... think the movie, The Breakup... literally that was us. She was still living there, I wanted her out, we were fighting constantly. I was an emotional mess, and yet emotionally checked out of the relationship.... thought it was just better off over.

 

I didnt drink a lot, but I did get myself plowed on a few occasions, which Is something I rarely do. If you are drinking daily, you really need to find something else to occupy your time. Quit buying alcohol. Im not sure how old you are, but if you are young, maybe throw away your ID or give it to a friend so that you CANT buy anymore. I would suggest trying to find a hobby, find something to do a sport, a hobby, photography, painting, basketball, cycling etc. to kill some time and take your mind off of what he did.

Drinking isnt the answer.

[big greg]

It sounds like you are turning to alcohol because you just don't want to have to deal with the thought of getting over it. Sure, it will take time, but alcohol is just a form of procrastination by putting off the emotional recovery. As long as you're on the alcohol, this is still going to bother you more (it might not seem like it now) than it would if you were to face your demons sober. Once you're over it, everything is behind you and your mind will be clear... but the only thing the alcohol is doing is keeping it in your mind.

 

The second quote in your sig was said by john lennon.. i have the same one in my sig too.

[Vonnegut42]

Hey PrettyTallGirl,

 

This will be along the same lines as the other replies, but they're right - don't turn to drinking. Stop doing it now so that you don't have to fight a desire to drink on top of your relationship pain. While it wasn't relationship related, I experienced some things that I found easiest to deal with by simply trying to drink myself to death every night - it doesn't help at all, you hopefully wake up the next morning, ashamed of how you're behaving and still remembering what made you act that way. Sometimes people suck, but don't sacrifice yourself because you happened to find one of guy who was scum.

 

You can control it, replace it with something else - turn to tea, or coffee. Read up on what the Dalai Lama has to say about drinking as a coping mechanism - it'll make you feel like crap enough to stop.

 

Best of luck.

[george237]

If you are drinking a pint a day that is a lot and I am worried for how long this has been going on. If you do not find yourself dependent on it try and pick up an activity or something else to keep you busy. I find something to do almost every night. Whether it's going out with friends going for a long walk or even just cleaning my house.

[BellaDonna]

Many people self-medicate with alcohol during bad situations. It's not a good way to cope, because alcohol is actually a depressant- so it will only make the situation worse.

 

Try to surround yourself with familly and friends during this difficult time so that you will have a support system, and please, whatever you do, don't drive while you are drinking.

 

If you must resort to forms of "self-therapy"....I think retail therapy is more effective than drinking alcohol.

 

Don't buy anymore liquor and don't keep it around your home.

[PrettyTallGirl]

Thanks....I've realized that I am only hurting myself by drinking and proving that this loser has power over me by doing so.

[LifesontheUp]

There are so many things you must enjoy that'll take your mind off the loser. Go do those things instead.

 

Its hard to find out someone has been cheating on you and it can be like another knife in the heart when you find out that they are still seeing that someone. But you know what, you will get over the loser, you'll come to realise that he wasn't worth your time anyway.

 

Surround yourself with friends and family, those that care about you. It just takes time. It gets better, I promise. You can do this without the booze, its just a quick fix.

 

Better to find out what an a$$ he is now before you married him. I didn't find out until 18years later....damn!

[ringlets]

Im so sorry you are going through this.

 

I had the same thing happen to me. We got into a fight and then a couple days later I drove to his house because he shut off his phone. I was miscarrying and he needed to know plus he had sent me a gorgeous poem about how he felt about me.

 

He was a pain pill addict and still is, so the selfish character was already in place and hidden until I caught on.

 

Cheating is a selfish try-on-someone-else for size antic.

 

He didnt expect to see me in his drive and the girl was 11 yrs younger than I and far more beautiful than I. And she had a sailors mouth and offered to beat me up. She and he laughed and taunted me. Later she ended her life when he told her he wasnt in love with her and made a huge mistake. Told her he wanted me back. She was always in a drugged state of mind in his presense and he saw himself in her at his worst and it wasnt what he wanted. But did he really want me all that much? Nonetheless, I helped him try to put his life back together and all I got was his anger for me not being over her and him hurting me and then her death.

 

Some people say you can repair it. In my case his promises to dump her because he missed me were just empty idealisms he had no intention on following through. In five wks he wanted me to be OVER it and trust him again. Before when he was miserable with her (he moved her in in 1 wk of knowing her, told her he loved her...she was an addict, as well. ) and he called me begging for help and to take him back. She ended her life in less than three wks of knowing him. I had been with him about a yr.

 

If a man cheats, he is likely not going to follow through on damage control promises any more than those promises he made to be loyal to you BEFORE he cheated. its easy to promise everything when you have nothing to lose. And he had nothing left except a fracture of a chance and looking back, I see his act of cheating showed he wasnt in a place to be given that much of a chance.

 

When I originally busted them, I drank and took script drugs to stop the agony it caused me. She called my cell and harassed me. it was so horrible and I wanted to isolate and be left alone. How could people be so cruel? How could I have been so close to someone who would put me through that? I almost died at one point - and frankly, I didnt care at the time.

 

So yes, people turn to drugs and alcohol and sometimes suicide if their pain outweighs their coping resources. Alcohol is a depressant and I am betting you already feel very deeply wounded and hurt and I truly feel for you, sister. Depression from a loss such as you have endured is common. Ever hear the phrase dead man walking? Ill bet you know what I mean. It feels like dying to get through this. But there is hope that cannot be found in the bottom of a bottle.

 

What you have been through is cruel and wrong. You want relief from the pain. Try counseling...walking...exercise...it will feel mechanical at first but you will eventually see the man you were to marry was a messed up person who was selfish and scared and weak. In that, he caused you to feel weak and afraid to trust.Counseling will help you to see your value and give you hope. Baby steps, honey. You will be okay and never give up!

 

Take my scene as an example of how badly things could have gone. Your pain IS valid and real and I understand where you are coming from. I truly do. And I pray you make it through this. You are worth it and have value and dont listen to anyone who would show you otherwise. By that, I mean him, by his actions. Read this as many times as you have to to realize you are not alone and others know your pain from first hand experience. We walk it with you and light a candle in your honor for the wrongs you did not deserve to bear.

[Elsewhere]

I'm so sorry for you! It's a pain you can't escape from and drinking makes you numb.

 

The only thing you can do - experience based opinion - is to accept what happened and realize that this story is over. No matter how much you think about it there will be nothing more to it. Don't drink at home by yourself, go out, look gorgeous and let others comfort you. Good company will make you forget for good, not just for the time of the buzz.

 

When that happened to me I often thought of women who were married with childern and were cheated on or left for a younger woman - can you imagine their pain... Sounds cruel but since your fiance did it - it's better he did it now then after you started a family.

 

My best for you be strong!